Father's rights (child support, legal, divorce, support)
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Since there seem to be several posters who feel strongly about the rights (or lack thereof) of (unmarried) fathers, I thought maybe a separate thread was in order so that Jersey's thread doesn't continue to get hijacked.
What say you? Do unmarried fathers have rights? Should they? Or should they be encouraged to "just walk away" because the mother is ready to move on? Clearly there are cases (ie abuse) when it is best to terminate rights and times when some fathers just abandon their kids no matter how much the mother encourages their participation....but when the father is willing and able to be a part of the child's life...then what?
Since there seem to be several posters who feel strongly about the rights (or lack thereof) of (unmarried) fathers, I thought maybe a separate thread was in order so that Jersey's thread doesn't continue to get hijacked.
What say you? Do unmarried fathers have rights? Should they? Or should they be encouraged to "just walk away" because the mother is ready to move on? Clearly there are cases (ie abuse) when it is best to terminate rights and times when some fathers just abandon their kids no matter how much the mother encourages their participation....but when the father is willing and able to be a part of the child's life...then what?
I don't see why a father would have fewer rights than a mother (absent abuse). I also fail to see why the marital status of a father would affect his rights.
Once a parent (male or female) has a child the child has to be the primary concern of the parent. Parental relationships with children should be more important than romantic relationships of either parent. I think that a parent removing a child from the other parent simply because they are ready to move on is the ultimate selfish act. Once you have a child you have to be concerned about the child's relationship with the other parent even if you no longer have the same relationship with that person. I don't think marriage should matter.
I agree 100%. This goes along with both parents extended family as well. When you have a child, that child becomes your soul purpose in life. Your own company, romantic relationship, or opportunity of a lifetime should not hinder your decision making for what is right for the child, and child only.
ETA: If a father is not doing his due diligence to be a good dad, then there may be warranted reasons to minimize contact (again, for the sake of the child). But in my eyes, any father that helps support the child emotionally, financially and as any parent is expected to, should have the exact same rights as the mother.
Fathers, married or not, absolutely have rights. It's in the child's best interest to enable contact.
Fathers also have responsibilities though, and I think many of the posters are linking the two, to the exclusion of the father-child relationship aspect.
Fathers most definitely should have rights. But I go a little farther than that -- fathers should have obligations to be a father to their child and legal consequences should follow when either a father or mother choses to abandon (often as a result of a divorce) their children.
I think what ultimately happens is that when mothers realize they've made a terrible mistake in their choice of romantic partner, that they project that they'll also make a mistake if they allow the person they now revile to parent their child.
While this is understandable, the mom has to put that distaste aside and realize that the father/child relationship is not a mirror of her own failed romantic relationship with this person. It's a totally separate and non related bond. Your adversarial relationship and/or disappointment in your ex does not have any bearing on whether he should have access and opportunity to parent the child that you created with him, and more importantly, the child's access to the same.
I agree 100%. This goes along with both parents extended family as well. When you have a child, that child becomes your soul purpose in life. Your own company, romantic relationship, or opportunity of a lifetime should not hinder your decision making for what is right for the child, and child only.
ETA: If a father is not doing his due diligence to be a good dad, then there may be warranted reasons to minimize contact (again, for the sake of the child). But in my eyes, any father that helps support the child emotionally, financially and as any parent is expected to, should have the exact same rights as the mother.
I have to disagree that a child becomes a person's sole purpose in life. Raising a child should be a person's primary priority, but most people are able to have other interests and still be a good parent.
I have to disagree that a child becomes a person's sole purpose in life. Raising a child should be a person's primary priority, but most people are able to have other interests and still be a good parent.
I agree, 100%. My child is still my sole purpose. If she is sick, and i'm unable to find suitable care, I take time off of work. Work is important, but she comes first. I own a horse, and enjoy riding, but if child has a function, that comes first. I am not telling parents to ONLY have their child, I'm simply saying children come first, before everything else.
ETA: What I said was, none of the other things should interfere with making the best decision for your child. Period.
Since there seem to be several posters who feel strongly about the rights (or lack thereof) of (unmarried) fathers, I thought maybe a separate thread was in order so that Jersey's thread doesn't continue to get hijacked.
What say you? Do unmarried fathers have rights? Should they? Or should they be encouraged to "just walk away" because the mother is ready to move on? Clearly there are cases (ie abuse) when it is best to terminate rights and times when some fathers just abandon their kids no matter how much the mother encourages their participation....but when the father is willing and able to be a part of the child's life...then what?
Of course he should, why would you take that away from the child? (Unless he's a child molester or abuser)
I agree 100%. This goes along with both parents extended family as well. When you have a child, that child becomes your soul purpose in life. Your own company, romantic relationship, or opportunity of a lifetime should not hinder your decision making for what is right for the child, and child only.
ETA: If a father is not doing his due diligence to be a good dad, then there may be warranted reasons to minimize contact (again, for the sake of the child). But in my eyes, any father that helps support the child emotionally, financially and as any parent is expected to, should have the exact same rights as the mother.
I am going to quibble on the financial aspect.
Yes fathers SHOULD support their children but the father/child relationship is a separate and distinct entity from the support. Meaning if a father (or mother) falls on hard financial times and cannot give child support or can only give less, that does not mean they can be denied visitation with the child.
Also, I believe that making children the sole purpose of someone's life is actually a burden that no child should have to shoulder and leads to codependency but that is an issue for another thread.
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