Partner thinks we should get a full time nanny? (breastfeeding, child care, SAHM)
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Possibly from being raised by someone who wasn't his parents?
You mean like daycare? Even a live in nanny is not a 24hr job, that's actually illegal. Depending on what she's there for, the hours are similar to daycare hours.
When I was in college, I dated someone who came from a very wealthy background. Nannies, cooks, housekeepers, everything under the sun. I was absolutely shocked at how little he knew about everyday things. The biggest shocker was when I handed him an orange and he had absolutely no idea how to peel it. Apparently, he had always had "hired help" around to peel oranges for him.
I'm not saying that would happen if you had a full time nanny, but there are trade offs.
Discuss it with your husband. Perhaps having someone part time would allow you to catch up on your sleep and have some time for yourself and you would still have plenty of Baby Loving & Baby Bonding time.
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Originally Posted by hml1976
I grew up with a nanny at times, many of my friends had nannies, all of us can peel oranges and run our own lives just fine.
OP if you work full time and your partner wants to get a nanny to help it doesn't seem to be a big deal to me. Now if you're at home and you don't want the extra help then I understand. However, either way you are the mom and you get an equal voice in the decision.
I probably should have pointed out that my friend grew up under the old British system where even grown men had butlers or other servants helping them "get dressed" (like on Downton Abbey), parents only saw their children for an hour or less every evening when the nanny or baby nurse "presented them", no one was allowed in the kitchen, etc. not exactly the same as a typical American nanny situation (often used as day care providers).
Maybe the OPs husband grew up under a similar "system".
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Originally Posted by PepperBabe
My son is just over a month old. His father comes from a rather wealthy family and he and his brothers had 2 full time nannies to take care of them.
(snip)
I probably should have pointed out that my friend grew up under the old British system where even grown men had butlers or other servants helping them "get dressed" (like on Downton Abbey), parents only saw their children for an hour or less every evening when the nanny or baby nurse "presented them", no one was allowed in the kitchen, etc. not exactly the same as a typical American nanny situation (often used as day care providers).
Maybe the OPs husband grew up under a similar "system".
Not to belabor the point but I'm not American but Canadian and had British nannies as did many of my friends. I also went to a British boarding school. I know not a single person who ever was dressed a la Downton Abbey. I think Americans have misperceptions of these things.
It's a cultural thing. Explain that part of the connection you'd like with your child is doing the every-day things, just like some people like to grow their own gardens. It is a labor of love.
A compromise would be to have a cleaning service come in once or twice a week so you can spend more time with your family. Now THAT is something I wish I had the money for!
Just curious: does your husband ever bathe the baby or change his diaper? Perhaps he simply doesn't understand how bonding and pleasurable these simple activities can be.
So enlist him in baby's bathtime (diaper changes are a bit more...well, let's say less persuasive methods of connecting parent and child). Show him how to safely wash the baby and talk to him (the baby) during the bath. Let him dry, apply lotion and dress the baby afterwards. Encourage him to snuggle the little one.
As for the nanny issue, ask him what benefits he sees in hiring a nanny, so you'll know what's going on with him. I have a rather clueless relative, a twice-divorced father of two grown offspring, who once told the rest of the family that he was considering remarrying (he had no actual candidates) a younger woman so he could have more children "to carry on the family name". When his own siblings and cousins pointed out that he already had two children (half siblings) who were not very close to him, that he had not enjoyed their infancies and early childhoods, that he loved to travel internationally and hadn't wanted his former wives to spend a great deal of time with the babies, he said he'd just hire a fulltime nanny until the new kids were in their middle teens. I told him that in that case, any potential future children would be the nanny's children in all the ways that mattered, surname considerations aside.
Make very sure your husband doesn't have similar thoughts. Fortunately for all, my relative never did remarry or have additional children, but sadly, he remains distant from his two grown children, who in turn are not close to him. He has never even seen his one little grandchild.
OP, you have grown up seeing people take care of their newborns all by themselves. he has seen people hiring help to take care. You both are doing exactly what you have seen when growing up. So, dont take it personally when he says he would like to hire a nanny if thats ok with you. Its sure not a reflection on you.
Now, are you a working mom or a stay at home mom? If you are working, then maybe you can consider a nanny when you are ready to go to work? I would not trade changing her diapers/ bathing her/ going for walks etc but there is nothing wrong in hiring a nanny too.
maybe when you go back to work, i.e if you are working.
Not to belabor the point but I'm not American but Canadian and had British nannies as did many of my friends. I also went to a British boarding school. I know not a single person who ever was dressed a la Downton Abbey. I think Americans have misperceptions of these things.
Perhaps he wasn't telling me the truth, but that's what he told me about his childhood (in the 1950/60s) in an African nation. His father was some type of British ambassador/very high level government advisor/official.
I just looked him up on Linkedin (I didn't realize that it was international). Rats, maybe I should have married him instead of DH.
Possibly from being raised by someone who wasn't his parents?
His mother died when he was 5. They had a chaffeaur to take him to school and pick him later and servants to help him get dressed, have a bath, read bedtime stories, etc. His father would see them for like 15 minutes before dinner. Even today his father is a bit too pompous for my taste (who I believe thinks I'm with his son for the money - and we aren't even married!).
Honestly, this should have been a topic of conversation BEFORE having a child.
It wasn't a planned child (but a very much loved one) and I didn't even think he would bring this up. In my family there were no nannies or housekeepers and we always managed just fine, so I didn't even think he would bring this up.
Maybe you could get a nanny to come a few times a week for a few hours so you can get some rest?
I would say YES to a housekeeper and cook, because I hate doing both of those things lol.
I grew up in South America and we had maids--everyone did, because they were inexpensive. I have 4 children and over the years I would have loved having someone to cook, clean, and babysit for me. It doesn't make you a bad mom. All parents need a break from time to time.
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