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My parents allowed boy/girl sleepovers. I had male friends and female friends. Nope, it wasn't some big sex party- just all of us listening to music, eating pizza, acting crazy, etc.
I'd allow my son to have b/g sleepovers. Same when I have a daughter.
Meh. Sleepovers are sleepovers. Kids mess around. In fact, I had a ton of girl on girl experimentation at "Girls Only" sleepovers. Go figure. Those parents thought because they were no boys over that nothing sexual would happen? Hah! Think again. We boinked the night away.
I wonder if parents think about this????
I was in 5th grade and was asked to sleepover at my friends Ellen's house many times
She had a younger sister Sheila. I always thought it was strange their parents always made Sheila bunk in with Ellen and I. Ellen was MY friend Sheila wasn't my friend but she was nice just the same.
Years later Ellen confessed to me.
Ellen had a crush on me and her parents and siblings knew about her sexuality.
I hadn't a clue.
My daughter's slumber parties were about as innocent, if not more so, than what I had in the 70s. The rules were clear, all the kids followed them.....it has nothing to do with political correctness or sexualization.
Agree, the general sweep that ALL teens are up to no good is pretty amazing. wow. No trust whats so ever.
My sons friends are top of the class, all heading to college this fall( yeah Purdue) we had robotics nerds, math nerds, but all were into video games. There were no " couples" and the video and Walking dead marathons were held in our home, both parents present, doors open and they could of cared less when either one of us walked in. They slept in slp. Bags all over the floor when/if they did sleep.
We have known most of the kids and their parents since 1st grade.
Not one has ever been in trouble, drinking was never an issue (no one wanted to have the humiliation of being kicked off a sports team, urine tests) our trust has meant a lot to our kids.
When my son, the baby, flies from the empty nest, we rest assured he will do well in college and his pals know, are door is always open to them.
Agree, the general sweep that ALL teens are up to no good is pretty amazing. Glad I raised mine better then some e of you , wow. No trust whats so ever.
My sons friends are top of the class, all heading to college this fall( yeah Purdue) we had robotics nerds, math nerds, but all were into video games. There were no " couples" and the video and Walking dead marathons were held in our home, both parents present, doors open and they could of cared less when either one of us walked in. They slept in slp. Bags all over the floor when/if they did sleep.
We have known most of the kids and their parents since 1st grade.
Not one has ever been in trouble, drinking was never an issue (no one wanted to have the humiliation of being kicked off a sports team, urine tests) our trust has meant a lot to our kids.
When my son, the baby, flies from the empty nest, we rest assured he will do well in college and his pals know, are door is always open to them.
While my kids were "good kids", too, you'd be surprised what you find out later! Teens are programmed to rebel. They'll rebel about something, trust me.
I agree your home should always be open to your son and his friends.
I was in 5th grade and was asked to sleepover at my friends Ellen's house many times
She had a younger sister Sheila. I always thought it was strange their parents always made Sheila bunk in with Ellen and I. Ellen was MY friend Sheila wasn't my friend but she was nice just the same.
Years later Ellen confessed to me.
Ellen had a crush on me and her parents and siblings knew about her sexuality.
I hadn't a clue.
If they're like your friend's parents then they do. That's pretty proactive of them to protect you the way they did yet keep their daughter's sexual orientation private. I say kudos to them!
Yes.....and we never had a problem with inappropriate behavior.....I'd much rather they all crash at my house then be off running around the city. Most of the times they would fall asleep watching movies on the living room floor. If parents are home and supervising. ...I don't see what the problem is.
I agree, supervision is really the key to most teen activities.
All of the "trouble" I got into as a teen was due to lack of supervision. I am very lenient with what my kids do, their activities etc but I am adamant that those activities be supervised.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletG
Yes, it's very common in my area.....and parents would rather the kids be at someone's home then out running around. Since she went to a magnet school.....she had friends from all over the county....it just was more practical at times rather than driving across the city late at night. Parents actually talk to each other and verify plans as well.
People are free to parent how they wish....but I stand by my comment that some parents treat their teens very badly and don't actually teach them how to handle situations and how to behave accordingly. It's all badmouthing them and banning everything because it's easier for the parent. My daughter just completed her freshman year at college....the wild kids seemed to be the ones that never learned how to handle situations when they were at home. And believe me......no one is checking on college kids to see if they are crashing in another room when watching movies late at night.
My DS encountered so many sheltered kids who got to college and for the very first time in their lives found themselves on their own. Many made bad decisions because they really didn't know how to assess a situation and make good decisions, they had never been "allowed" to be in any situation that might be questionable. IMO not a good place for a teen/young adult to be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nanannie
Agree, the general sweep that ALL teens are up to no good is pretty amazing. wow. No trust whats so ever.
My sons friends are top of the class, all heading to college this fall( yeah Purdue) we had robotics nerds, math nerds, but all were into video games. There were no " couples" and the video and Walking dead marathons were held in our home, both parents present, doors open and they could of cared less when either one of us walked in. They slept in slp. Bags all over the floor when/if they did sleep.
We have known most of the kids and their parents since 1st grade.
Not one has ever been in trouble, drinking was never an issue (no one wanted to have the humiliation of being kicked off a sports team, urine tests) our trust has meant a lot to our kids.
When my son, the baby, flies from the empty nest, we rest assured he will do well in college and his pals know, are door is always open to them.
The nerd herd hangs out at our house as well. Heck, these kids haven't even really discovered the opposite sex, they are too busy being friends, hanging out and exploring common interests. My DD is in a mixed social group that seems to be attached at the hip. I supervise, that is my job.
I cannot say that I would say yes to just any sleep over regardless of the gender of the participants. I would need to assess the situation before I gave permission but the gender of the attendees would not be at the top of the list as to why I would say no. The location and supervision factor would be at the top of the list. The gender of participants would be at the bottom. Kids can and will find a way, me saying no will not stop any sexual activity if that is what they really want to do but supervision will go a long way towards keeping a situation safe for all participants.
I agree, supervision is really the key to most teen activities.
All of the "trouble" I got into as a teen was due to lack of supervision. I am very lenient with what my kids do, their activities etc but I am adamant that those activities be supervised.
My DS encountered so many sheltered kids who got to college and for the very first time in their lives found themselves on their own. Many made bad decisions because they really didn't know how to assess a situation and make good decisions, they had never been "allowed" to be in any situation that might be questionable. IMO not a good place for a teen/young adult to be.
The nerd herd hangs out at our house as well. Heck, these kids haven't even really discovered the opposite sex, they are too busy being friends, hanging out and exploring common interests. My DD is in a mixed social group that seems to be attached at the hip. I supervise, that is my job.
I cannot say that I would say yes to just any sleep over regardless of the gender of the participants. I would need to assess the situation before I gave permission but the gender of the attendees would not be at the top of the list as to why I would say no. The location and supervision factor would be at the top of the list. The gender of participants would be at the bottom. Kids can and will find a way, me saying no will not stop any sexual activity if that is what they really want to do but supervision will go a long way towards keeping a situation safe for all participants.
B1. Most high school teens don't discuss whether to smoke, drink, have sex, etc with their parents, either, and many make VERY bad decisions which can have life-long consequences. The college age ones at least have the advantage of a few more years of age and experience behind them, and have seen what happens to kids who have unprotected sex, etc.
B2. You are kidding yourself! They all discover the opposite sex in their teens, though not all act on their discovery at the same time.
And for the person who said parents have to make a decision whether to get out of bed at 1:00 AM and get their child, that's just bad parenting. If your child calls you any time, day or night, and needs you, youget up and be available. My parents had a deal with my sister and I, that if we ever got into a bad situation of any kind, if we called and asked for help, no matter what time it was, or where we were, they would come and get us, no questions asked, no punishment, etc, for using the good judgment to ask for help. I never needed to. My sister did once, when she got drunk, so she called mom in the middle of the night, who went and not only picked her up, but also drove every one of the drunk teens at the party home. And she stuck with the "no questions, no punishments" promise. That builds trust by teaching the child the parent will do what they said, and teaching the parent the child can exercise good judgment, even in a bad situation.
I agree.
When I was in college, I was visiting my older sister and her husband. They got a call in the middle of the night from some friends of his son (the son was in bed sound asleep). The friends had been drinking and had slid off the road and were stuck in a snow filled ditch and couldn't reach any of their parents. My brother-in-law got out of his warm bed at 3 AM and drove to where their car was stuck, picked the kids up and take them all home.
I was about 20 at the time and was just amazed. He said that if his son got into trouble and needed help (and he or step-mom were not available) he would want some other parent to step up and help. I always admired that attitude and tried to do the same thing when I became a parent.
Coed sleep-overs were not common in my immediate area when my kids were teens, 10 to 14 years ago, but were fairly common in some of the wealthier neighborhoods. I'll share two interesting stories about adult supervision.
About a dozen years ago a father, who was supposed to be supervising his teenage daughter's coed post prom party, sexual assaulted one of his daughter's female friends. It was a public and very messy trial. He was found guilty.
A fellow teacher allowed her daughter to have numerous coed sleepovers in HS. They would have sleeping bags on the living room floor and the Mom and Dad would take turns waking up though out the night to check to make sure that there was not any "hanky-panky" going on.
The teacher told everyone how safe the parties were and that there was never any drinking or sex going on because she and her husband watched everyone so carefully. My daughter happened to meet someone in college who had attended a number of those sleepovers when she was in HS. She said that there was plenty of sex and drinking happening at every single one of the sleepovers but that the parents never noticed. Since the daughter was off in college and not holding any more of the coed sleepover I didn't have the heart to tell my co-worker that her "strict and close" supervision was not as effective as she thought that it was.
There are lots of second hand accounts here. Yes, I let my kids attend coed sleepovers. I checked with the parents ahead of time, and I didn't allow it habitually. Bad situation can occur any time of day if the kids involved haven't earned your trust. But if they have, why not?
I think the reason they were not rare in our case was that we have lived in some pretty rural areas. The kids come from a wide geographical area to attend the local high school, even further for some of the private schools.
B1. Most high school teens don't discuss whether to smoke, drink, have sex, etc with their parents, either, and many make VERY bad decisions which can have life-long consequences. The college age ones at least have the advantage of a few more years of age and experience behind them, and have seen what happens to kids who have unprotected sex, etc.
B2. You are kidding yourself! They all discover the opposite sex in their teens, though not all act on their discovery at the same time.
Re: B1 - I think you are wrong. Many kids will discuss these things with their parents if their parents have availed themselves to be open to honest discussion. Kids who are not exposed to situations that they have to assess IMO are not as well equipped as kids who have been allowed to explore, make decisions and be exposed to things.
I know kids who started college at 17 who had never been allowed to do anything, the dorm was eye opening, terrifying and a whole slew of other things. Many of those kids got themselves into all sorts of trouble, they had no assessment skills, they had no boundaries, they went a bit nuts. Of course not all of them but the odds were not in their favor.
I'm not afraid of sexual activity or drinking or many other things that our teens deal with. We discuss openly and honestly and like I said supervise, supervise and supervise some more.
As for your comments regarding attraction, sure, most teens will discover sexual attraction in their teens but not all of them will allow that to be their compass, to be the only thing they think about. I give teenagers some credit for having dreams and desires that are not just based on sexual attraction. Teens of both sexes can and will be friends and often there is no attraction other than friendship. I personally think it is insulting to teens to automatically assume that all they want to do is drink, partake in destructive behavior and have illicit sex.
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