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Old 02-09-2014, 11:30 AM
 
8,583 posts, read 16,014,164 times
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The only time I "allowed" a run away was when my boy was about 5 and we were at a national park restroom at night in the middle of the woods.. He was so mad and threatening to run... I told him to go on..He got about 10 feet into the dark woods ( I could still see him) and stopped and hurried back...
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Old 02-09-2014, 03:34 PM
 
Location: Tucson for awhile longer
8,869 posts, read 16,321,693 times
Reputation: 29240
Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
is there a 13 year old who DOESN'T hate their parents? I think it is a right of passage for that age. Most don't express it verbally but with eye rolls, refusal to be seen in public with them, etc.

Those 2 items can be addictive, especially games. Monitor and restrict are the key words. Don't let him bully or shame you.
Yes, indeed. I hated my parents with a vengeance when I was a young teen. I hardly ever came out of my bedroom and electronic distractions hadn't even been invented. I didn't even have a TV. I chose lying on a bed staring at the ceiling to interacting with those bourgeois philistines.

Fast forward. Today, I sorely miss my father and my elderly mother has been living with me for 8+ years now to get the care she needs. If you have to sacrifice your child's approval and short-term peace in the household to get that kid an education, to me that's your job as a parent. Try to keep the lines of communication open, but stand your ground. Was a kid ever permanently damaged from hearing, "This hurts me more than it hurts you," when that was the truth?
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Old 02-09-2014, 05:16 PM
 
3,276 posts, read 7,845,843 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WindowsGuy View Post
My son is 13 yrs old. I got his report card, and he is failing on of his subjects: English. He normally gets good grades and is an honor student and has been since Elementary School. However, his grades started to decrease when I bought him an Xbox 1 (Christmas) and Smart Phone (Birthday.) When I saw he was failing, I took away his Xbox and phone until he brings his grades up. Now, he says he hates me and wants to run away. Any suggestions...?
I remember saying the exact same things to my father (hating him, wanting to run away) when I was 14 and he was punishing me for having bad grades. Same exact scenario.

Don't worry. You are doing a great job as a parent. When your son becomes an adult, he will thank you for keeping him in line.
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Old 02-10-2014, 05:10 PM
 
Location: Mesa, AZ
451 posts, read 769,880 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WindowsGuy View Post
My son is 13 yrs old. I got his report card, and he is failing on of his subjects: English. He normally gets good grades and is an honor student and has been since Elementary School. However, his grades started to decrease when I bought him an Xbox 1 (Christmas) and Smart Phone (Birthday.) When I saw he was failing, I took away his Xbox and phone until he brings his grades up. Now, he says he hates me and wants to run away. Any suggestions...?
That just means you're doing it right. Keep up the good work!
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Old 02-10-2014, 05:16 PM
 
6,319 posts, read 7,244,230 times
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These kids would all be far better off if they had to work to get their stuff.

Even if they do chores.

The sense of entitlement is out of control.
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Old 02-13-2014, 11:37 AM
 
2,189 posts, read 2,606,291 times
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Originally Posted by WindowsGuy View Post
Thanks for all your help. The reason he is struggling is because he is in "accelerated English" and wih Common core Standards, they can only spend one day on a topic because they are learning 10-11th grade stuff.
Then take him OUT of accelerated English, all that stuff just puts useless pressure on kids. Let him improve his grades in normal classes and give the stuff you own that he uses, back for his use as long as he meets the conditions of good grades in normal classes. I took phones and stuff away from my teen and yes it was necessary but advanced classes are not necessary particularly when I see how depressed I get if I imagine I have to go through common core standards now.
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Old 02-13-2014, 01:35 PM
 
Location: Spokane, WA
1,989 posts, read 2,536,396 times
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I don't think my kids hate me, at least they never verbalize it. And this is despite me being probably not a very good parent. I was an anomaly growing up. I did not hate my parents at all in fact I was happy with the way they raised me (or didn't raise me). I was a mistake born to a 40 year old chain smoking Mom. They were too tired and run ragged from the other 4 kids to pay much attention to me. I loved it. No curfew, no wondering what I was doing (and of course no nurturing but you can't win them all), kind of left to my own devices.

My 13 year old son still hugs me and tells me I love you. Asks me about my day and wants to talk about his day, I feel lucky. I think it might be karma for the way I was towards my parents growing up.
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