My Son Says He Hates Me... (punishing, out of control, boy, permanent)
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Thanks for all your help. The reason he is struggling is because he is in "accelerated English" and wih Common core Standards, they can only spend one day on a topic because they are learning 10-11th grade stuff.
Be strict; this is just a tantrum. I'm studying to be a teacher, and the rule is, "be friendly, but don't ever be their friend." Like it or not, they have plenty of friends, and, even they don't, they have to come up to your level; you never come down to theirs. You are the role model and teacher. They may say that they hate you and your ways, but, nine times out of ten, if you stick to your rules, they will grow up and embrace many of the values they were taught at home. If you give in, though, you are simply teaching your child that being lazy and demanding is a good way to get what he wants out of life; that's a horrible lesson.
Our son threatened to "run away" once...much younger than your son's age tho...think it was about 8 or 9.
Told him he was welcome to go, but had to leave EVERYTHING behind...including the clothes he was wearing. Told him God gave him to us buck A$$ naked, and if it was his desire to leave before we were done raising him then he was leaving the same way we got him. He never mentioned it again....
When I was 20 and hubby was 24, his little brother started running away, staying out all night and partying. Hubby's mom got incredibly angry with us when we told him he could come stay with us for a little while. She thought we were just enabling her "soon to be 16" son. They all got quite the surprise. Things were much stricter at OUR house for him, than it had been at home with his parents. He HAD to do homework. He had CHORES, for the first time in his life! He could not go to drinking parties. He was not allowed to drink at our home, either. Things did not go as he imagined they would and after less than 2 weeks, he decided to go back home.
Our son threatened to "run away" once...much younger than your son's age tho...think it was about 8 or 9.
Told him he was welcome to go, but had to leave EVERYTHING behind...including the clothes he was wearing. Told him God gave him to us buck A$$ naked, and if it was his desire to leave before we were done raising him then he was leaving the same way we got him. He never mentioned it again....
I have never heard that strategy before but it seems like a very good one. That sounds like a better approach than parents that offer to pack a suitcase & a sandwich as it really makes children/young teens realize how they do not actually own anything at all and have very limited resources.
I have never heard that strategy before but it seems like a very good one. That sounds like a better approach than parents that offer to pack a suitcase & a sandwich as it really makes children/young teens realize how they do not actually own anything at all and have very limited resources.
Yeah....hahahaha...
It kinda takes the wind out of your sails, when you realize that ....well, you really have NOTHING! Generally, they're just running away. They don't even have a plan! LOL
Some, actually do come up with a plan, "I'll just go stay with so and so. My BF said, '"My mom would probably be okay with it."' The trouble is....once they leave the house and get to BF's house....ole mom or dad, turns out, is totally NOT okay with it. Oops!
When a teenager says they hate you... they really don't. The are using that word as a weapon to get what they want. They just aren't mature enough to understand how that word hurts. They will regret it later in life. Sticking cotton in your ears might help for the next few years.
I agree with your posts...except for the bolded text. This statement is wrong. Believe me, they DO know how badly those words hurt. It is WHY they're saying those words. Those words hurt THEM more deeply than anything else hurts them. That's how they know how bad they hurt.
When someone a child trusts and truly cares for, or considers their best friend, says, "I HATE YOU!!", after the initial anger wears off, the pain which sets in, is generally devastating. I'm sorry....but by the time a child is 3 or 4 years old.....most of them understand perfectly, just how bad those words hurt. That's why people say them to each other.
I have never heard that strategy before but it seems like a very good one. That sounds like a better approach than parents that offer to pack a suitcase & a sandwich as it really makes children/young teens realize how they do not actually own anything at all and have very limited resources.
I didn't mind letting him take a suitcase of clothing and a sandwich. He "ran away" to some bushes across a field from our house. He stayed there for about 20 minutes when he realized he didn't bring anything to drink and he was thirsty...needless to say, he figured it out on his own and never had a problem again .
When I was 20 and hubby was 24, his little brother started running away, staying out all night and partying. Hubby's mom got incredibly angry with us when we told him he could come stay with us for a little while. She thought we were just enabling her "soon to be 16" son. They all got quite the surprise. Things were much stricter at OUR house for him, than it had been at home with his parents. He HAD to do homework. He had CHORES, for the first time in his life! He could not go to drinking parties. He was not allowed to drink at our home, either. Things did not go as he imagined they would and after less than 2 weeks, he decided to go back home.
LOL My mom did that with my niece... less than a month, she went back to her mom's!
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I have never heard that strategy before but it seems like a very good one. That sounds like a better approach than parents that offer to pack a suitcase & a sandwich as it really makes children/young teens realize how they do not actually own anything at all and have very limited resources.
Generally, they're just running away. They don't even have a plan! LOL 
Believe me, they DO know how badly those words hurt. It is WHY they're saying those words. Those words hurt THEM more deeply than anything else hurts them. That's how they know how bad they hurt. 
