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You will not find one parent of an adult that thinks you should cave in. We all know the outcomes if you keep to your plan or if you give in. Please don't give in.
I will give you one piece of advice. Sit down with him every night and work with all of his schoolwork. Even if there is no homework, ask him what he learned in maths, etc. Show him it is as important to you as it (should be) to him. He will be rolling along soon on his own.
Excellent advice. After I started doing that with my dd, her grades went up up up all the way to A in all subjects.
Keep talking to him, even if he acts like he's not listening. Tell him that you love him and want him to be successful and that it looks to you like using his electronics caused his grades to fail. Set out what he needs to do to get the electronics back. Ask him if there's anything else going on.
You need to stick to your guns, but be the adult and keep your end of the conversation civil and reasonable.
You will not find one parent of an adult that thinks you should cave in. We all know the outcomes if you keep to your plan or if you give in. Please don't give in.
I will give you one piece of advice. Sit down with him every night and work with all of his schoolwork. Even if there is no homework, ask him what he learned in maths, etc. Show him it is as important to you as it (should be) to him. He will be rolling along soon on his own.
Very good advice. Often kids who "have it easy" in school, as it seems your son did, are apt to fall into the trap of being lazy with their studies. It all comes easy to them, so they procrastinate, do assignments at the last minute, don't do homework or try and do it on the bus, don't study for tests, etc. I would be very interested in finding out WHY he failed. My gut would say that he has slacked off on the "work" part of the equation either do to being distracted by his 'toys' or because he never really had to work at it before, but now the difficulty level has ratcheted up.
Use this opportunity to help him establish good study habits. Create a routine of coming home, completing homework and then later sitting down with mom or dad (or both) and reviewing the days work and any upcoming projects, tests, etc. Help him budget his time and break larger tasks down into more manageable blocks. You are bascially going to teach him how to study and manage his time as he's probably never had to do it before.
As for him hating you, others already covered it. Count yourself lucky it took until 13 for him to say it, lol.
On the XBox, phone, etc. I think you are right with the punishment and you should not cave. However, there is nothing wrong with letting him earn back the devices based on how well he is doing and especially in concert with the above where you are doing homework together and teaching better time management. Maybe after 3 weeks of solid effort and you get back some quiz or test results, he can get back the XBox for a certain number of hours on the weekend, etc. This way you are further reinforcing the concepts of time management and balance. You don't want to go through the effort of him bringing up his grades to get all his toys back just to repeat the cycle. Make him learn how to be responsible with the toys.
Saying that your son will understand you did the right thing 10-20 years from now is probably of little comfort right now when you're 13 year old is saying he hates you.
Did you try setting limits on the toys? For example, 30 min of xBox a day, period. Or like a reward system, 2 hours of homework/study earns you 1 hour of games, or something like that? Point is to make it clear things like xBox, cell phone games and texting friends or whatever 13 year olds do with their cell phones these days, are a REWARD for keeping the grades up at school.
Stick to your guns, honestly don't let the words he is saying get to you, you know it's not the truth, it's all he has left in his arsenal to try to change the situation. You need to make him see that keeping the grades up will change the situation.
Maybe, just maybe....since you'll be spending a bit more one-on-one/face-to-face time with him, helping him with his homework, he'll actually prefer YOU over his toys! Oh LOL...... yeah, bad joke, I know. Once you bring that crap into their lives, it's hard to pry it from their desperate little paws. Like we said though....those are privileges and rewards, not something they need or are entitled to. You have the law-given right to enforce your rules. Use them to your advantage.
My son is 13 yrs old. I got his report card, and he is failing on of his subjects: English. He normally gets good grades and is an honor student and has been since Elementary School. However, his grades started to decrease when I bought him an Xbox 1 (Christmas) and Smart Phone (Birthday.) When I saw he was failing, I took away his Xbox and phone until he brings his grades up. Now, he says he hates me and wants to run away. Any suggestions...?
Keep the xbox and the smartphone put away, pack his bag for him and tell him to dress warm, be careful and send a post card once in a while.
You are doing fine, my kids hated me from about 12 - 18, it is normal and will pass.
Continue to be his parent and don't try to be his friend, you have to be one or the other right now and it is tough but it will all work out in the end.
"Sonny, it's fine that you hate me. It doesn't matter because my job is to raise you to be an independent adult. So... I'm going to let you have the power to EARN your toys back. Every night for 2 weeks (or whatever), you will show me all your schoolwork to prove that you're meeting your responsibility and you can have toy back for 1 hour. Every 2 weeks you will earn an additional hour. When the next report card comes out and shows that you are working to the best of your ability, then you get to have said toy back full-time. BUT...in order for you to keep it full-time, I will continue to review your work (make sure it's done, NOT that it's done right) and see that you have fulfilled all your responsibilities at home. You now have the power. I suggest you use it wisely."
When I was 14 my parents grounded me for 6 months. No friends, no tv, no phone. For 6 months.
I had been stealing money from them, lying, hanging out with bad kids, etc.
I raged at them, I said horrible things, I threatened suicide even.
It was the very best thing they could have done for me. By the time the 6 months was over I had figured myself out a little more, the bad kids had forgotten about me, and I'd become a really serious reader
My son is 13 yrs old. I got his report card, and he is failing on of his subjects: English. He normally gets good grades and is an honor student and has been since Elementary School. However, his grades started to decrease when I bought him an Xbox 1 (Christmas) and Smart Phone (Birthday.) When I saw he was failing, I took away his Xbox and phone until he brings his grades up. Now, he says he hates me and wants to run away. Any suggestions...?
Can I ask why you only found out on report card day that he was failing English? Do you have access to his grades online? Did you ever see his tests? Do you check weekly, monthly? Did you talk to his English teacher and inquire about this? Why was he failing - forgot to turn in an assignment, didn't make up work, failed tests, not doing homework? Did you notice home spending less time doing school work? What did he make last semester in English?
Did you discuss any go these things with your son before you grounded him?
I'm asking because it's unusual for a child to be an honor student and then FAIL because of an xbox and a smart phone. I'm wondering iif it's something else.
I would take away the smart phone and the Xbox. I would put him on a system of showing you his homework nightly and most schools in this day and age have a way for parents to keep track of grades online. Once he gets all his work in and has a grade that's a B or better in every class, he gets them back. I would limit time on them on weekdays. If grades start to slip, they go away again.
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Excellent advice. After I started doing that with my dd, her grades went up up up all the way to A in all subjects.
