Advice on disciplining girlfriend's 3 kids (deadbeat, teenager, son, marry)
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yelling is the least effective form of discipline and obviously you know it hasn't worked.
I would seriously look into why you are attracted to this situation. What in you makes this living arrangement even barely OK. I can't think of a more dysfunctional household than the one you describe. Well maybe one with abuse and alcoholism, etc but it certainly sounds miserable for everybody. Looks like this woman is looking for a man to take over her parenting lapses yet the kids are not cooperating. leave now.
No she doesn't want me to take over, and I'm not leaving. I'm attracted to her and I really love her. The kids have grown on me but just today the 9 year old said that since jj has moved in with us are lives are a lot better. And she then said to her mother she's a lot happier with her mom than dad
One thing men and women often fail to understand when dating someone with children is that it is a "package" deal. If any part of the package is undesirable, unfortunately the entire package should be left on the shelf. Just some FFT (food for thought).
Aw yes and these lovely children will grow into teenagers.
And so what when they do? I can do with teenagers better than young kids. Teenagers know right from wrong and are more intellectual than being 3 6 and 9
I find 3 year olds much more intellectual than teenagers. They might not be able to understand the concept of a BEDMAS equation, but something like a simple grilled cheese and a trip to the park is enough to make their day. Teenagers on the other hand... oy.
And so what when they do? I can do with teenagers better than young kids. Teenagers know right from wrong and are more intellectual than being 3 6 and 9
Oh gosh, you really have no clue do you
Teenagers are caught in a horrible place of being too old to do "A" but too young to do "B". They are rational and logical in some aspects and crazy and hormonal and incapable of rational thought in others. They are testing the boundaries much like a 2 year does, just with more stressful scenarios.
My kids are 14 and 16 this year.
I am convinced that teen years are as such to allow parents to let go of them when they're young adults!
Looking for advice on how to deal with the three kids as far as discipline or yelling at them. They are not my kids and all from same father who is a loser. Anyway I love them and the mother and at first it didn't affect me but they've grown on me and I care more and now I find myself getting upset and yelling not like crazy but enough so they know.
I'm a sensitive guy and my gf said that it gets to her when I yell at them and I haven't done it a lot. I tried to talk to her but she gets upset and just says she doesn't like it. I want to marry her. What can I do or what should I do to try and deal with this? She disciplines them but they don't listen a lot of the time they are 3 6 and 9 sibling rivalry is rediculoua and the jealously omg
I am married and so it doesn't apply to me, but I can tell you that I would not be in a romantic situation where the girlfriend has kids & I'm not allowed any say in how they're disciplined. That ESPECIALLY goes if the relationship is one that looks like it could turn serious and into marriage. If I'm not allowed equal say in discipline, I'm gone.
The same goes in reverse. If my wife were to pass away & I re-married, I would ONLY date a woman whom I thought could be a suitable mother for our children in time, and one whom I was comfortable letting her discipline equally as I do. I would not DARE have her tolerate my children's presence but tell her she has no rights of discipline. That would be totally ridiculous.
My advice personally--only be with someone who takes that stance, or with someone who has no kids at all & so if you marry and have kids they are yours and hers both equally in all respects. I can tell you first-hand it goes so much better that way--you don't see her kids as little gnats that cramp your romantic style with the cutie, they are your kids just as much as hers so you naturally love them the same without having to force it. That also means you inherently have equal rights of discipline IMPLIED period no matter what she says. The logistics are also easier--she's not having to make arrangements to be away from her kids to be with you, you are all together much more often when you're married and the kids are all yours. Everything can happen "on the fly" or "in the flow of life" so much easier that way.
He lives in the house. He is supposed to allow the 6 yo to just walk up to him and smack him? And in this case, bio parent is completely ineffective. Poor kids!
He lives in the house. He is supposed to allow the 6 yo to just walk up to him and smack him? And in this case, bio parent is completely ineffective. Poor kids!
Yup.
Poor kids.
That is why this situation should be avoided and second marriages that have kids involved have a 70% divorce rate.
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They might not be able to understand the concept of a BEDMAS equation, but something like a simple grilled cheese and a trip to the park is enough to make their day. Teenagers on the other hand... oy.
