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As a boyfriend, it isn't your place to discipline them at all.
That entirely depends on the relationship he has with them - and her - and his place in those relationships. Which is what needs to be discussed. If they are in a full relationship and he is to live with her and those kids - then it verys much is "his place" to become part of the parental authority figurehead in that house.
I let her do the disciplining honestly. It's still new to the girls. I was surprised the 9 year old said that since jj has moved in are lives are a lot better. And that live when she's with her mom is better.
Maybe my positiveness is having an affect on them.
One thing though when I play with the girls like give them piggyback rides opt anything they just don't know when to stop. Then when they take it overboard they get upset and say nobody loves me. The 6 year seems to be the one that's getting affected the most
She was never married. The mother does discipline when any of the kids hits me or in general.
This will turn serious like marriage. I'm not going anywhere. I could care less about the father of the kids.
One thing that does bother me is the 6 year old likes to say mommy and daddy should get back together and why did they break up? Not all the time a few times in 6 months. It doesn't matter though I'm locked in and I want to be with her.
I was never married to their father. We were very young when we had our kids 19/21 and never lived together.
My 14 year STILL occasionally says he wishes his dad and I were together.
See. you just don't *get* it. You two should go to some counseling sessions and some parenting classes.
And to the other poster; no, it isn't that a stepparent gets no say in discipline. Stepparents DO. OP is not a stepparent; he is their mother's boyfriend. A new boyfriend at that.
No. Discipline.
Develop a relationship with the children, marry their mother which then actually makes you a stepparent, and you can then act as a parent does (both love/affection and discipline).
I let her do the disciplining honestly. It's still new to the girls. I was surprised the 9 year old said that since jj has moved in are lives are a lot better. And that live when she's with her mom is better.
Maybe my positiveness is having an affect on them.
One thing though when I play with the girls like give them piggyback rides opt anything they just don't know when to stop. Then when they take it overboard they get upset and say nobody loves me. The 6 year seems to be the one that's getting affected the most
If you need to stop playing for some reason just say "okay girls, we have to stop for now because...."
I'm tired
I have to go do something
etc.
Don't just stop or get frustrated with them, COMMUNICATE with them.
And if they say "nobody loves me" why not say "that's not true, we love you, why do you feel that way?" And you can reassure the child, that's all they want.
I was never married to their father. We were very young when we had our kids 19/21 and never lived together.
My 14 year STILL occasionally says he wishes his dad and I were together.
See. you just don't *get* it. You two should go to some counseling sessions and some parenting classes.
And to the other poster; no, it isn't that a stepparent gets no say in discipline. Stepparents DO. OP is not a stepparent; he is their mother's boyfriend. A new boyfriend at that.
No. Discipline.
Develop a relationship with the children, marry their mother which then actually makes you a stepparent, and you can then act as a parent does (both love/affection and discipline).
Yeah, right after my husband told the youngest we were getting married he had a mini-meltdown for a few days asking why his mom and dad couldn't get back together. Honestly, it broke my heart, and I didn't take it personally.
Now a year later he has told his dad he is happy we got married.
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Yelling is effective if used infrequently. If all you ever do is yell the kids will tune it out because they will see it as your normal way of speaking. The OP seems to be using yelling as his one and only tool and if that is the case it will be ineffective.
This is my stance on it, as well as physical-type punishments (butt whoopings).
I discipline my stepdaughter somewhat frequently as she can be quite rambunctious and rebellious (which stemmed from living with her grandparents (spoiled) as well as her mother, but that's becoming less frequent the more it's just us three), but I rarely ever raise my voice and actually haven't gotten to the point of whooping her butt, yet. Though, I have raised my voice twice in the last year and a half or so and both times, it caused an immediate end to what she was doing.
You have to sort of pick your battles when it comes to raising your voice or whooping, otherwise it loses it's effectiveness. My wife yells a lot more than me. Not all the time, but she lets the defiance get to her, while I just stand my ground and let it bounce off. You can really tell the difference between when my wife and I yell at her.
In the OP's case though, you really want to be on the same page as your girlfriend if you want to help discipline or else it's going to cause some serious issues between you both.
OP, I am a little concerned that you moved in with the family so quickly, when just two months ago you were posting about your problems in your sexual relationship with your roommate.
Was there no way you could have gotten to know the mom and kids a little better, for a little longer, before playing live-in Daddy with them? Especially since the girlfriend has a serious drinking problem on top of everything else.
How confusing for everyone.
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