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And don't forget, it's ok for her to be disappointed. Life is full of disappointments, big and small. It's better for her to face a touch of adolescent disappointment than be spoiled.
If she asks for a Wii, an ipad, diamond earrings and a poodle...and only gets the iPad. . .we as parents understand that that is hardly suffering! For reals!
I am facing the same dilemma with my six year old. She is asking for electronic gadgets that we've decided she is too young for. We've told her to ask for some other kinds of toys, but she seems to be going "all in" for these things we won't buy. I know we may face some tears when the electronics do not arrive Christmas morning, but I would rather have the tears than the electronics in our home, so that is that. I'll have to wrap a box of Kleenex to go w/ the board games and art projects under the tree! :-)
I'm confused here....do people expect to receive *everything* on their wish list? A list is simply that...a list of wishes. It certainly doesn't necessitate receiving all of those things. Or it shouldn't. If you as the parent have been in the habit of fulfilling every wish, then you've set yourself up. Time to have a heart to heart.
I'm confused here....do people expect to receive *everything* on their wish list? A list is simply that...a list of wishes. It certainly doesn't necessitate receiving all of those things. Or it shouldn't. If you as the parent have been in the habit of fulfilling every wish, then you've set yourself up. Time to have a heart to heart.
Exactly. My dd gets the Toys R Us catalog, goes through it, and circles everything she wants which is EVERYTHING! But even at 6, she knows better to expect even close to everything she wants. By middle school, they are old enough to understand budgeting and financial constraints, and also that they are not always going to get everything their heart desires. Who wants to raise a kid to expect that all their wishes should always be granted?
It is good for kids to learn that there are boundaries and that just b/c they WANT something, it doesn't mean they will GET it . . . it is important that we all learn that there are limits. Life is full of limitations - that is the reality. A child who doesn't grasp that concept early on will be stomping her foot and demanding and unappreciative in coming years (especially if parents wring their hands and feel "bad" that they can't meet the demands and expectations).
There is absolutely nothing wrong with teaching a child that this is the budget . . . choose what fits into that budget. Some kids at her age have things on the list that will go on sale after Christmas, and they ask their parents for $$$ so that they can buy things on sale, thus making the money go further.
This is something you need to work out in your family - as every family is different in what they feel is comfortable.
Nothing wrong with bringing some personal responsibility into this for your daughter. Might as well start learning at her age what it means to have a budget, make tough decisions, define a "want" from a "need." These are very valuable life lessons.
My kids are single digits and they understand they get a few things from Santa. We already have told them they can get one big thing and a few smaller things. They seem to get it so far, just say it like it is...
I have a lot of medical bills recently and I told everyone I will just be sending Christmas cards this year - no presents for anyone! (And of course I don't expect any presents from anyone else.)
And that is reality. Also Christmas is not about "things", a card will do just fine!
Middle school is tough age to buy for (I have one). But I have always included her on how much things costs, bills etc. I don't sit with her and we pay bills together but I just make her aware that there are such things such as water bills/electric bills etc. I just make it a part of life and conversation around the dinner table. "Oh honey, we got our electric bill today...it was only X dollars! Turning off the lights helped." etc
And she knows it's mainly just us parents that buy her gifts. (very small family) Maybe you can do that with your child? Talk with her more casually on real life stuff etc.
With that said, I still feel badly this year with her. She has just a "handful" of gifts that were very pricey. It looks piddly and I keep saying, it's not quantity it's quality! to myself and I know she will be thrilled. But as a parent, you do want to spoil them a bit. (and no I don't want to buy her 20 presents, but at least 10 would be "good" in my eyes. lol)
Maybe a day volunteering would bring a new perspective such as 'we have so much' as opposed to 'I have so little.'
The next time you pass the bell ringer, put some change in her hand and have her put it in the kettle. If you have the time maybe you could donate four hours on a kettle shift and take her with you.
Maybe have her go through her old toys and cull out some for donations. You go through some old stuff, too. Then take her with you when you drop them off at church, Goodwill or Salvation Army. Take her inside the store. She will see a wide variety of people shopping for gently used stuff, from college kids to young families to seniors. You don't have to buy anything, but it might open her eyes as well as her heart.
At my grocery store there is a little known (they didn't advertise it very well) program where you tell the cashier to round up to the nearest dollar and the extra change goes to food pantry. I always do it and do it loudly and with much gushing about how great it is and how nobody seems to know about it, blah, blah, you get the idea. The eyes of the folks in line behind me always get wide and I even get a few smiles. Hopefully I get others to do it.
That's all I got. Good luck. When I was thirteen (the legal work age in FL) I couldn't wat to get a summer job BTW. I did get an allowance which taught me some responsibility.
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in your post?
