How to handle daughter's first heartbreak (teenager, parents, son, boyfriend)
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With mine it was a teenage son who stopped eating and moped around. You read of too many teenage suicides over breakups --- I didn't know how serious to take it. So I got mad at him and told him "this is why I told you that you were too young to date" and he insisted he wasn't too young to date and I told him "look at how you're acting, if you can't handle a breakup, you're not mature enough to be dating in the first place", and he replied he was handling it just fine but that he was just a little bit sad.
Then I told him that not eating and moping for so long didn't look to me like he was handling it and that almost no one ends up with their first "love" forever, breaking up is just part of it all, getting dumped is just part of it all. He snapped out of it soon after.
Some of it's just drama queen stuff. I'm not sure what the signs of a real problem reaction might be.
I'm sorry, but this sounds like a horrible reaction. Moderator Cut
Last edited by Jaded; 11-23-2013 at 12:14 AM..
Reason: Personal Attack
Make her a plate of chocolate chip cookies (or whatever her favorite is), provide Kleenex when she's teary, let her talk it out with you if she wants to, but don't pry. If she does want to talk, echo her "emotions" statements - "Mom, it hurts so bad!" but gently counter any "This is the end of my life- I'll never be happy again" notions, with something like, "Wow, it really is painful, isn't it? I know you really cared about him. But I care about YOU, and want to help you feel better (not "get over it"). Let's go try some retail therapy - I'll treat you to lunch at (her favorite place), then we'll hit the mall. You can pick out anything you like that's under (whatever price you choose). If you'd like to ask your best (female) friend, that might be fun."
Does your daughter keep a diary? It would be a much safer way to vent and unload than online methods.
Any chance of taking a short trip over Thanksgiving or Christmas? A complete change of scenery can really help with teenage heartbreak. If you're staying home, plan some local outings - state parks, plays, concerts, ice skating, movies, special exhibits, etc. Interesting activities which do not include the ex can help put the lost relationship in perspective and offer distraction and new experiences.
And - it's much easier for a teen to be "dumped" for academic reasons than to be slighted for another girl. She can save face with her peers - he was just so focused on academics that he couldn't make time for her, poor clueless guy (not really - but that's going to be her view, more than likely).
Don't do what my mom did, tell me to not be so "silly" and that I'll get over it and find someone else. She made me feel stupid and wonders why, to this day, I really don't come to her with my problems (I'm 30 now and she's still the same).
Mine did the same thing telling me I didn't know what love was and blah, blah, blah.
Remember that although as adults we know that it is simply first love or puppy love but to them it is very real and so are the strong emotions attached.
Be there for her and comfort her as you would with any other loss because that's what it is.
I took my girls out for ice cream when this happened. Just me and the broken hearted child. It's something they remember and said it helped. Ice cream is magical!! No really, it's just a simple gesture because there really isn't anything you can do to help them feel better but a special treat may make her smile for a few minutes at least.
I'm sorry, but this sounds like a horrible reaction.
He didn't come to me, he just acted all depressed, normally talkative, but didn't want to talk, didn't want to eat. I had told him before that 16 was too young to date but he insisted he was old enough. All i did was point out that he apparently was not old enough for the way he was carrying on. Later he said it was good they broke up, she had issues.
My daughter was very different. She coldly dumped her first boyfriend, when I asked her why he didn't seem to be calling or coming around, she said she dumped him because he had dropped out of school and because he didn't have goals. The next guy dumped her and she wanted to talk about her feelings, she sniffled a couple times, the breakup was shortlived because he begged her to take him back, she did but onky for a short time, then she dumped him and never looked back.
I remember when my oldest daughter went through this. At the time she was all giddy about having her first love I sat her down with this advice.
"I know you are having fun and feeling on top of the world now. Enjoy it now for what it is- your first love-be careful about any action you take to express this love and be aware that those actions can change the course of your life. Also be prepared for how you will feel when it is over, no matter who decides to call it quits. And realize very few people stay with their first love for very long- that is why it is called "First' love."
When they eventually broke up she handled it well and she told me you remembered what i told her as she was realizing it was coming to an end.
That's a good approach. Young kids can get the attitude that life may as well be over when they get dumped for the first time. They are emotionally not always ready, it's pretty sad how many 15 year olds end up in the ER for gulping a bottle of tylenol because of a break up.
I let my 16 year old stay home on Tuesday because her BF broke up with her on Monday night 'For NO good reason!" She wanted to find a way to logic him out of his decision. (He broke up with her once before). I just held her and let her cry and listened and bit my tongue.
After school some friends brought ice cream over and they processed the whole thing. I think she will survive. An earlier post mentioned the social media part of it which i agree is a BIG problem. 15 hours after the break up she was called out by virtual strangers for cheating on her BF (without justification) and vilified in the media. This happened when she broke up with her last BF as well!!!
One of her frenemy's started this on Tuesday and planned a party for Saturday night that excluded her. Today they made up...because she said she needs to keep her friends close and her enemies closer! Now she has declined the party invitation and if she changes her mind I will not allow her to go.
I know she is already casting her line for the next fish. I told her she needs to get as many work hours in as possible before Christmas and no new boyfriends before New Year's eve. I plan to keep her busy. I hate that she hates not having a BF.
Like some others mentioned, I was unable to talk to my parents about any of this kinda stuff. Hope I'm doing better.
Sorry if this is a bit short.
My 16yo daughter has had a boyfriend for about 6 months until now. Today at school, the boyfriend took her aside and told my daughter that he just "didn't feel that our relationship was working out." When I picked her up today, she barely closed the door before she burst into tears like I've never seen since she was a toddler (later found out she was on her cycle when the boyfriend dumped her). She has been crying for the past two hours and nothing seems to console her, she just mopes around saying things like "I want him back!!" Nothing seems to convince her that the boy is done with her and she should find another boy.
How did you handle your teenage daughter's first breakup?
Keep her busy. Plan some fun things to do with her after school for the next couple weeks at least, like a trip to the mall, getting manis/pedis together, let her invite a couple friends over to the house some day after school, stuff like that.
No teenage daughter, so no experience there but I was once a teenage girl. And it wasn't allowed for me to date exclusively pretty much through highschool, although I fell "in love" anyway. My entangled emotions, though, were a result of that puppy love stage in addition to not being very healthy emotionally due to my family/childhood situation. Still, suicide or the challenges this generation seem to face never once crossed my mind. I think the op's situation, and mine, is reason why teeanage children should not be allowed to date exclusively. Go to school, become involved in various activities, hang out with a group of friends but no one on one dating exclusivity!
Most adults, now-a-days, can't lift their head off the floor because someone rejected them. And it doesn't even have to be a romantic relationship. And then, we see our children not understanding, "how to deal." The world we live in, the various personalities we deal with and the various issues we face in our world should be taught very early on to our children. It lessons the blow.......
this is why kids should not be dating..........a girl loses a high school boyfriend who is likely more important than school to her at this point......
Thank you for all the well written advice.
Today, my daughter was a little less miserable but still had red eyes from all that crying the night before. She had a pretty much normal day and just after she hung her coat up, the doorbell rang. And who could it be, but the ex boyfriend. apparentelly, acting on his mother's advice, he decided to come over and console her (though my daughter's bffs may have had a part in that, I kid, id kid ). I left the room, but from what my daughter tells me the boy just laid out why the relationship couldn't work in very soft terms. They hugged and the boy left. my daughter instantly felt better. It turns out that she was upset because she thought the boy dumped her because he thought that she wasn't pretty, wasn't smart, or was too clingy etc. now they're just friends. I'm thanking the lord that they didn't engage in any sexual activity....
one thing I'm very curious about and intrigued with was that No Kudzu said that the first relationship can affect your life forever, and I'm not just talking about girls getting pregnant. I still remember what MY first boyfriend looked like, what he liked to do, and wonder what he would think of what I do now. It's funny how the first relationship defines that much.
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Nothing seems to convince her that the boy is done with her and she should find another boy.
apparentelly, acting on his mother's advice, he decided to come over and console her (though my daughter's bffs may have had a part in that, I kid, id kid 
). I left the room, but from what my daughter tells me the boy just laid out why the relationship couldn't work in very soft terms. They hugged and the boy left. my daughter instantly felt better. It turns out that she was upset because she thought the boy dumped her because he thought that she wasn't pretty, wasn't smart, or was too clingy etc. now they're just friends. I'm thanking the lord that they didn't engage in any sexual activity.... 
