Parents letting kids make a mess and leaving it at the restuarant (appropriate, accident)
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I feel that you did the responsible thing, since your relatives didn't. This is why many restaurants discourage family dining...And, hearing these stories you cannot blame them.
I would pick up anything big, but no, I didn't pick up every crumb or crawl around under the table. I used to work in a restaurant, and it wasn't really that big of a deal to get out the broom really fast. Granted, the one I worked in had tile floors, not carpet! And yes, it was inconvenient when it was really busy, but those are the hazards of the job, I guess.
When we dined with very little ones and they made a mess, we left a bigger tip than normal to compensate.
I will say that my kids are preteens now and they don't crumble crackers or drop food all over the floor. So my rudeness and lack of decorum in leaving the mess to be cleaned up by the employees apparently did not scar them for life.
I've raised two children to adulthood. We did NOT leave messes for wait staff to pick up. Why? Because we started practicing "restaurant" manners very early on, and getting to eat at a nicer place (we started at McDonald's, worked our way up to a cafeteria, then to a "real" restaurant by the age of four) was a privilege to be earned. Doing anything like making a huge mess (or throwing a tantrum) simply resulted in being removed from the restaurant and was certainly NOT ignored. I wasn't a tyrant or mean but it was a simple fact of life to be learned, much like when you fall down you bump yourself, when you make a mess in a restaurant you have to leave. Wasn't always convenient (though less so than some might think, as kids tend to live up or down to expectations when they're very young, and I've had an easy one and a very difficult one so I do know the difference). I felt it was my duty to my children to teach them the very basics of good manners that would serve them better later on.
Yes, there are things you will find yourself doing when you have kids that you didn't think you would before you had them. Hopefully, showing them by example that if you make a mess, you don't clean it up but make someone else (the wait staff or busboy) do it because it's inconvenient for you but okay for them is not one of them.
I hope anyone who claims it's rude to leave food on the floor of a restaurant also refolds clothes they disrupt at clothing stores and never leaves anything out of place at a grocery store while they're shopping.
I thought that was just good manners, but I was raised by a father who firmly believed in the "leave no trace" philosophy. What sort of trail of destruction do you leave at the grocery store, anyway?
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I've seen this happen, too--parents letting their children crumble crackers and thrown them on the floor. Very low class. I can't even imagine how filthy their house must be.
Yes, this. Unavoidable messes that happen while learning how to eat in a restaurant are one thing. An adult not being smart enough to put two and two together and figure out whether certain foods are appropriate for certain situations is another. If your kid can't yet eat crackers without making a gigantic mess, maybe that's a better food to leave at home until he can.
Last edited by kitkatbar; 07-24-2013 at 06:24 PM..
Well then I commend you for all of that. I guess you've earned the right to judge people whose kids leave a mess at restaurants.
I practice what I preach.
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Originally Posted by DewDropInn
There is a HUGE difference between an adult making a mess and a 15-month old making a mess. Were you to leave debris on the floor I'd think you had either terrible table manners or a disability (palsy, arthritis) that did not allow you to have control while you ate.
I'd think the 15-month old with a mess under the table was a 15-month old enjoying his crackers. And no, I do not clean up the crumbs. Wrappers, silverware, sure. Of course. Crumbs? Ummm no. Nice tip and if it's REALLY bad a couple bucks in the hand of the guy "Sorry. Thanks very much" heading to the table with the carpet sweeper. Messes happen. (The waitress also gets a "Sorry we've been a little messy here. Thanks for the good service." when she gives us the check. I'm a big believer in treating the waitstaff nicely. That includes saying please and thank you.)
Glad I don't work in a restaurant where your family eats. If a restaurant is busy they don't sweep under the table between checks. I just love getting someone else's toddler's mess on my shoes.
I thought that was just good manners, but I was raised by a father who firmly believed in the "leave no trace" philosophy. What sort of trail of destruction do you leave at the grocery store, anyway?
That's funny. You know I worked in retail as a teenager, and had to refold many a garment during the day. Never once did I think to myself "Man I can't believe these a-hole customers didn't clean up after themselves. Now I have to fold these shirts". I mean even though it was my job and all
Glad I don't work in a restaurant where your family eats.
So you have a problem with a happy 15-month old who is eating crackers and enjoying himself. And you think all the Moms and Dads should be down on their hands and knees blotting up every trace of Junior's dining experience with their napkins.
If the child is just smashing the crackers and throwing them on the floor, that is not "enjoying" them.
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So you have a problem with a happy 15-month old who is eating crackers and enjoying himself.
I mean, there's a gray area, right? A small child who is making a somewhat contained mess under close parental supervision and reasonable attempts to keep things not too disastrous is not a huge thing. A few crumbs getting scattered could happen with anyone eating and everyone understands kids are going to have more spills. That's a very different situation from crackers being smashed and thrown on the floor while a parent sits by and does nothing but to keep passing more crackers.
In a Vietnamese noodle shop a few weeks back, there was a family with a little girl of probably 3 or 4 at the opposite table. She was picking noodles out of a soup bowl, holding them up for her mother to see, then dropping them on the floor. Not on accident trying to get them to her mouth. Just playing and waving them around like worms, then dropping them in a big mess to be cleaned by someone else. I would've felt very differently if in the course of trying to eat politely, she'd had some spills and fallen noodles, but for the mom to sit there and blithely condone a mess was disrespectful.
I thought that was just good manners, but I was raised by a father who firmly believed in the "leave no trace" philosophy. What sort of trail of destruction do you leave at the grocery store, anyway?
Yes, this. Unavoidable messes that happen while learning how to eat in a restaurant are one thing. An adult not being smart enough to put two and two together and figure out whether certain foods are appropriate for certain situations is another. If your kid can't yet eat crackers without making a gigantic mess, maybe that's a better food to leave at home until he can.
This right here says it all. Parenting is a job, folks. Anyone who makes excuses to not do it is falling down on the job at the responsibilities that they owe to the most important people in their lives, their children.
Children don't just automatically grow up into civilized human beings. Your job is to help them do that so that they will thrive and do well in the world that isn't going to think that they're the center of the universe when they grow up and go out into it. Teaching them those skills while they're young and eager to learn (even if they don't always cooperate) is the best and kindest time, for them, to do it.
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