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Once while I was at a restaurant I saw a family and the two young children were throwing and dropping
food all over. The parents clearly saw it but made no move to pick it up or tell the children to pick it up.
When they left with their precious darlings I overheard the waitress telling the busboy that she was sorry
it was such a mess.
I've seen this happen, too--parents letting their children crumble crackers and thrown them on the floor. Very low class. I can't even imagine how filthy their house must be.
I always brought up my son to behave himself (at home and outside) so he was careful while eating. I don't think I have any memories of him creating a "mess". Anyway, to get to the topic of this thread, I have friends who allow their kids to make as much mess as they want... ...they will not clean up; instead they leave a huge tip depending on the amount of mess. It wasn't pretty eating out with them as I don't agree with that strategy. Mostly, it was difficult for my son to understand why the other kids were allowed to run around, throw food, etc. while he had to behave in his chair.
I'll be the only honest parent here - our daughter made lots of messes in lots of public places and we didn't always clean up. The degree of a mess that a 15 month old can make is incredible, and I felt bad everytime that she made a mess. Then I noticed that underneath a chair of any 15 month old there was a mess and it seems to be part of the package.
That's not to say that I thought making a mess was acceptable - it's not. And we'd clean up to the best that we could. Whole goldfish and wrappers should be picked up (and we did). The problem are the broken up bits of goldfish and other crumbles and stuff that fell onto the floor that can't be readily picked up. We don't carry a little vacuum with us, and trying to clean by hand would make more of a scene than letting the wait staff use their hand vacuum on it.
However, I will stay it was embarrasing enough that we avoided taking our kid to restaurants during that time frame....only wet out with her a couple of times.
I was honest . I don't let my kids make too much of a mess at home very often, and less if eating out with them. If they're only going to crumble crackers or throw them on the floor, then they don't get crackers, if they will only smear mashed potatoes everywhere, they will get a couple steak fries at a time. Food is for eating, but bringing some toys along gives them something to play with when they just want to play. At home though you could tell where the dogs were, that some food was getting dropped or intentionally given to them.
parents letting their children crumble crackers and thrown them on the floor.
This was a concept that I had a hard time understanding until I was a parent.
I don't "let" my 2 1/2 year old misbehave and make a mess. She chooses to. I can ask her not to, but if she chooses to, I can't stop her. Physically restraining her isn't a viable option for child development, and we don't do that unless her physical safety is in danger. We need her to learn to listen to us, and are working on that. But physically restraining her or taking stuff out of her hands isn't the right way to teach it.
We teach her the right things and the right ways even when scolding eyes are nearby. We don't adjust our parenting style to please those around us.
I want to be clear that we don't allow her to play with her food. We take that away. But she is far more messy than I'd like. I don't think this is any fault of our parenting, it's just the nature of our kid. She will grow up and be neat and tidy someday but not today.
I don't have kids but if I drop something on the floor at a restaurant, I pick it up. I do not leave trash and food debris all over the table/floor when I dine out because it's piggish and rude.
And yes, I do re-fold clothes if I 'unfurl' them. And I do not leave random items all over the place at the supermarket. If I change my mind about an item, I put it back where it goes or I hand it to the cashier when I check out. I don't leave my shopping carts in random places in the parking lot either. I hate it when people do that. So lazy.
I'm with you on this.
I park far way from the front doors now that my kids are old enough to walk so as to leave the closer spaces for those with little and those that are older. Yeah, I know that they still may not get the spot but I try.
I also walk the cart ALL the way back into the store and try to grab another one or two on the way.
I'm not bragging because I know it makes me less cool and more a dork, but I really LOVE that I am able to do it and enjoy it. I've been knocked on my ass phsyically and mentally at times in my life, so doing small things is how I celebrate still being on my feet.
I'm not harsh and mean to my kids and behave in some rigid way while dining out or at home. My parenting style is to start early and enjoy the spoils of a well mannered kid that comes worked on habits early while kids are 'pleasers' and like to help. We still have a messes, but the kids know how to clean them up. That's probably the most important distinction.
Since kids have different tolerances and enjoyment of neatness as part of their personalities, it is counter-productive to expect perfection ever. We just work at it and my kids now just, as a habit, check the table.
I was a sloppy child and remember enjoying my pigsty of my bedroom. But, when we went out or were outside of our bedrooms, we kept things neat because we were taught the differnce between personal and public spaces
We enjoy the very few times we eat out and it should be fun! We just don't leave a lot of mess. As a family, I would say that we tread lightly. Noise and clutter just don't suit at the dinner table or while shopping.
Last edited by Robinstyler; 07-24-2013 at 01:44 PM..
When we do go out to dinner, we always make an attempt to clean up as much as we can, apologize to the wait staff, and leave a 20-25 percent tip at the very least. The wait staff are always very kind and tell us not to worry and we don't have to make a big deal about it. Usually tell us a party of adults are often much worse.
This was a concept that I had a hard time understanding until I was a parent.
I don't "let" my 2 1/2 year old misbehave and make a mess. She chooses to. I can ask her not to, but if she chooses to, I can't stop her. Physically restraining her isn't a viable option for child development, and we don't do that unless her physical safety is in danger. We need her to learn to listen to us, and are working on that. But physically restraining her or taking stuff out of her hands isn't the right way to teach it.
We teach her the right things and the right ways even when scolding eyes are nearby. We don't adjust our parenting style to please those around us.
I want to be clear that we don't allow her to play with her food. We take that away. But she is far more messy than I'd like. I don't think this is any fault of our parenting, it's just the nature of our kid. She will grow up and be neat and tidy someday but not today.
The incident I was referring to was one I witnessed several years ago. The young mother, an older woman (probably her mother) and the child were in a restaurant having lunch. The two adult women talked at length long after they were finished eating. The child in the high chair was getting restless. Mom kept handing crackers to her kid in the high chair who then crumbled them up and dropped the crumbs on the floor. Everyone in the restaurant was staring at her. Eventually, Mom got her kid and the three of them left the restaurant, leaving the mess behind for the wait staff to clean up. Other patrons just stared at them as they left, rolling their eyes.
My son is 19 months old and I typically don't pick up after him. I tip very generously if there is a big mess. I'm not getting down on my hands and knees to pick up cheerios when a broom and dustpan or vaccum will do it efficiently and more effectively.
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