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And the point I think rh71 is trying to make that in households where women spend more time being house wives, the men are spending more time at work, putting food on the table, and other traditional "manly" responsibilities that most of us do without complain about how you all never help out.
Sorry, but working mom's are just as manly as their husband in the financial sense. That's the issue. Women do more household chores, spend more time on the kids, and hold down F/T jobs. Men certainly do more household chores than they did back in the day, but not as much. And as that op-ed notes, hours spent with these chores negatively impact job success. Or, at least that's what is believed. As a high earner who would not accept my man doing less in the home than me, I know it works.
I doubt OP's husband is maintaining the car or fixing a broken light bulb, he's too busy on the computer, while she's probably off doing laundry for 3 children and getting up for work tomorrow at 6am after nursing twins all night...
Maybe with your man or in your world, but I see the men in the relationships taking care of most of those responsibilities.
We have been rebuilding our home together since we purchased it, so it's not with our home. Perhaps it's my world because most people I know do hire contractors and use mechanics.
So you're saying men's responsibilities as listed don't count. Hilarious.
Women are not capable or want to partake in all household duties. My wife for instance has never touched the lawnmower or snowblower. Or re-seeded the lawn. Or adjusted the dampers in the attic vents. Or ran cables. Or hauled stuff home. Or put up blinds on all 17 windows. Does it need to be 50/50 for you to be satisfied?
And I take offense to that "conducting yourself as a parent" statement. Just because I didn't PLAY with them I wasn't parenting? What about all the errands and all the cleaning up and all the feedings? Conveniently forgotten? Even the OP's husband has done fatherly duties.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Braunwyn
The list doesn't make sense because at least half the duties are done primarily by women on a daily basis (bills, cooking cleaning, bringing kids to and fro, school work, etc) and the other things like car maintenance is hired out. Personally, I know more men who do not have a power tool collection than those who do, so I question the home repair claims. With that said, I'm a DIY'er so there is nothing in my home I won't do. I know more men than women do it, but I would be surprised if most men do their own plumbing, electrical, remodeling, etc in general.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rh71
I honestly don't know what you want from guys. So if they split everything exactly down the middle, and they get to do the manual labor around the house, doesn't that make it unfair again? You said yourself more men do that than women.
I said it once before - men play a different role because those are also necessary and it's silly to expect them all to play mom's at the same time. Enough of this guilt crap.
No one expects men to "play the mom role." We expect men to play the DAD role.
There was a very similar thread a whole back where it was pointed out that house work is not parenting. If you split the chores 50-50, great, but that has nothing to do with splitting parenting duties.
Assuming that's true, SOMEONE has to watch them when they're babies. Ifyou and your wife are the only people in the house and you don't want to do it, then she has to (assuming they're not sleeping or somewhere you know they're safe). If it's boring for you, it's probably boring for her as well.
A friend of mine told me that he would play more with his sons when they got older and he could take them hunting and fishing. Meanwhile, he continued on with the life he'd lived pre-babies--lots of out-of-town fishing and hunting trips, plenty of time spent in his warehouse space doing the things he loved like restoring cars, building boats--you know, fun stuff. Guess how that turned out? His wife divorced him and no one who knows them blamed her at all. Now he gets to take them hunting and fishing every other weekend when he has visitation.
And your friend was probably totally shocked when his wife divorced him!
A coworker's husband also said that he "didn't like babies, but would play with his kids when they were older and more fun". Well, he "didn't toddlers" either or preschoolers or kindergarteners. By that time the kids were starting to get used to never having daddy around. Well, he "didn't think that 8 or 9 year old kids were fun" either but said that he would spend time with them when they were older.
Well, when he finally wanted to spend time with them, when they were in late elementary school and middle school but his kids would have nothing to do with him. By this time his wife had divorced him as well. The last that I heard he was still attempting to make contact with his children, now in their 20s and they haven't spoken to him in years.
He told others that he would love to spend time with his grandbabies (what a change from when his own children were young) but his children won't even let him ever see their babies. I have heard through the grapevine that he is pretty sad & lonely and really regrets his earlier selfish behavior, but it is too late for him.
I wonder if this is the type of future that OPs husband has to look forward to?
No one expects men to "play the mom role." We expect men to play the DAD role.
There was a very similar thread a whole back where it was pointed out that house work is not parenting. If you split the chores 50-50, great, but that has nothing to do with splitting parenting duties.
What is scarier than the behavior itself is that some people excuse it because he's a man.
He had half the responsibility making the kids, he should do half the work to take care of them. Genetics and hormones my ass.
Yeah that disturbs me too. It is half his responsibility yet he's not doing half. Same thing with cooking and cleaning. This would not be acceptable to me at all. Personally I would stop doing everything but that's just me.
This thread is all over the place. Not really about parenting, rather marital problems. I tried giving it life under Relationships but it came back. Thus, it dies here.
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