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Yah. I think the OP needs to sit down and really think what direction she would need to go.
These are her kids, at age 16, they really still need her. I'm not in a position to really give advice because it's very different with my kids -- even the 20 year old still lets me know when he's going out and is a really nice kid, very trustworthy.
Probably I would try to instill some trust in them -- maybe set up a debit card for them and encourage them to get jobs so they can add more than the little bit I would add. Stop all stealing even if it meant closing all credit cards for the time being.
I would remind the kids that I still love them -- I always will love them and maybe even admit to them that I probably made some mistakes (don't we all actually), I would also tell them that their behavior is unacceptable -- but maybe offer to wipe the slate clean if they will and try to get things on track.
I know a couple that ended up calling the police on their son because he was stealing their stuff and also his sister's stuff to pawn for drug money. They charged him with crimes and he had to go to prison for a short time, then into a half way house in another city. That gave his drug problem a break so he could clean up, he works and got married, and they have a decent relationship now. He was 19 when they had him arrested, I'm not sure how it works with minor age children.
Yes, this would be one of the core issues, and would probably go a long way in that family. Unfortunately, the OP herself historically does not believe this is the case and IMHO, until she can admit she's an active participant and not just an innocent bystander, it will never get any better.
There are problems that go beyond the behavior of the children, AFAIC. The parents need help, but the chance of them ever admitting that are slim, and I think the only salvation here is that the kids are nearly of age and will be able to leave home soon. I wish them all the best and hope they can overcome all this.
When your daughter or son steal from you, take the car, end up drunk on a parkbench etc., have them arrested. Maybe a night or two in jail might be good for them. I would get a wall safe and put your wallets, car keys, and credit cards in it each and every night. Get new credit cards with new numbers and DO NOT ever let the kids borrow them or have access to the numbers. You can charge without a card. Anytime I order online I just put down the numbers. Get a "kill switch" put in your cars. Have it hidden in a good place, or get "the club" put on the steering wheels. Get an alarm system for your house so it will go off anytime anyone comes in or leaves your home once it is turned on. This is called tough love, something your kids need.
Yes, this would be one of the core issues, and would probably go a long way in that family. Unfortunately, the OP herself historically does not believe this is the case and IMHO, until she can admit she's an active participant and not just an innocent bystander, it will never get any better.
There are problems that go beyond the behavior of the children, AFAIC. The parents need help, but the chance of them ever admitting that are slim, and I think the only salvation here is that the kids are nearly of age and will be able to leave home soon. I wish them all the best and hope they can overcome all this.
Yes, if the kids were 18, I would say it's just time for them to pack up and move out and sever the parent-child relationship but they're only 16.
To me a 16 year old still needs parents and guidance as much or more than an 8 year old. Even though their childhood is coming to an end, they're still children. They need a mom and dad to guide them through the transition to adulthood. They need a family, a place to call home. They need someone to talk to when things are bothering them. Family is very very important.
Probably the OP and her husband did a lot of things right also, they may have had particularly difficult children, maybe kids whose prenatal care wasn't so good, maybe they have fetal alcohol syndrome -- one of my adopted cousins had that and later he was diagnosed with schizophrenia -- he's in his 50's now, he goes home to visit his family, he has no other family. He was somewhat of a challenge as a teenager but not too bad of one, it was after he was 18 that his bigger problems began.
To me a 16 year old still needs parents and guidance as much or more than an 8 year old. Even though their childhood is coming to an end, they're still children. They need a mom and dad to guide them through the transition to adulthood. They need a family, a place to call home. They need someone to talk to when things are bothering them. Family is very very important.
The OP has been posting outrageous situations here for years that her kids have gotten into. Refusing to help her when she can't walk, buttering the floor, making them earn clothing, the son never showering and using several bottles of Axe at a time, climbing out windows in the middle of the night, calling CPS dozens of times, overspending his lunch account and running tabs at school..... the list goes on. And on. And on.
I doubt a Brady Bunch moment is going to help here.
My mother would've laid the SMACK DOWN of my life on me!
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