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I have two out of control teenage girls. I am married and he has finally decided to move on as they are way out of control. I have tried putting my foot down and even put them on probation but that does not even seem to matter to them. They are only worried about themselves and it is really getting to me. They are at the age to where they can decide where they want to live at but not sure if that is the right decision to make or not?
I do love them but honestly cant really deal with their attitudes or disrespect anymore.
Oh, I am so sorry! How old are the girls? If they are as bad as you say, I'd take away every privelage they have (computer, cell phones, TV's in their rooms, car keys, ect.) and have them earn them back one at a time. I'd also start some family counciling.
You're saying that your husband is leaving you because of the behavior of the girls?
Sounds like a deteriorating situation. Are you wanting to save the marriage and the family union? I think if you can salvage the situation you're going to need help.
Help from the husband--instead of leaving he needs to stand by you as part of a responsible parenting unit and a family man. A unified husband-wife team effort will be a more effective tool to keep the girls in check. If he's flying off in one direction frustrated, the kids are out of control in another direction, and you're in a quandry to keep all these disconnected paths moving in the same direction....how can you accomplish this by yourself?
Family and marital counseling could be in order, pronto. It's a big step to take, and getting all the players to agree will not be easy. I think getting outside mediation to intervene and assist will be world of help. You may not be able to fix this by yourself. Clearly leaving things as they are is an unacceptable. Can you talk them into family counseling? Are you willing to try?
I feel for you. Raising teenagers is not easy this day and age. i know all too well.
The best thing that works for me is making sure they don't leave the house and taking every thing away from them. it's torture to them. Luckily i have some family that will help me out from time to time. do you have anyone close to you that can help out?
I'm guessing your husband is not the father of your daughters.
If you pay for ANYTHING like cable, cell phones, internet, anything, cut it all off. If you give them money for anything that isn't essential, cut that off as well. You don't owe them any of that, it should be EARNED. You'd be surprised how quickly teens come around when what they value is on the line.
honestly it sounds like they need a seroius punishment take away eveything they have even empty there room of anything they can use or play with or anything like that and make them stay there and they can only come out to go to the bathroom and they have to eat in there room to. epending on how bad the stuff is there doing the have programs at some prisons were kids can go in and see what its really like to be a prisoner i dont no what these programs are called or where they are but i no they have them also where i live they have a behaviourl center for teens so that might hep to
So far, all we know is that they do not pay you the respect that you think you are due, and neither does your husband, so maybe you have unrealistic expectations.
How bad are they? What do they do? How old are they? Do they misbehave together, or separately?
This is the first and last post you've ever made here. It really makes me wonder what is the value of a Parenting forum, when every single one of the posters will line up behind a troll and stick up for the parents, bashing the kids left and right, with no basis at all for it---not even an accusation.
In this forum, kids are presumed guilty until proven innocent. Some of you may have noticed that I stick up for the kids pretty often. Now you see why.
At our house we have children and young adults. Typical "teenage" behavior is considered childish behavior and privileges are the same as for any young child. Our goal is to raise adults not children, the society we live in is allowing really big children to grow up into really old children. The result is "adults" who won't work and expect to be handed everything.
Take away everything, television, telephone, video games, friends and any other diversion they have and explain that when they want to act like adults then they will get their privileges back. They go to school (go with them if necessary) and come home, no extras. They have a child's bedtime of no later than 9:00 pm. Write up a list of non-negotiables- these are not to be argued. Arguing is like playing tug of war. Put down the rope don't play the game.
When they are acting more like adults give back privileges. Limit time spent with other large children (out of control, mouthy teenagers) Give them ways to earn their stuff back. Do not throw their past into their faces and do not place blame on them for a failed marriage.
We raised two out of control teenagers. I know the pain of watching my kids make stupid choices. One of them is doing okay now but had a hard row to hoe to get back to that point, the other a nephew I raised from age 7 is still struggling at 26. We did the typical, " placate, negotiate, and put up with behavior." We bought the lie that they had to go through this to become adults.
With our younger kids we decided we would not do that again. We do not refer to them as teenagers. The modern American teenager did not exist 150 years ago, this is a creation that obviously isn't working. At about age 12-13 we refer to our kids as young adults and their privileges are increased as they are able to handle them. Privileges always accompany responsibility- the simple act of deciding their own bedtime takes on the responsibility of being able to wake up and be pleasant the next day. It doesn't take long before they figure out that if the getting up time is set they need to go to bed accordingly. They decide bedtimes, school schedule and to some extent what they want to study (we homeschool) and participate in church youth activities, all of these have natural consequences if they don't use their time wisely and they take responsibility for their time.
There are 8 kids here who are between the ages of 12 and 18, We do not have mouthy, bratty, children. They do chores, get along with each other and are very socially adept. The 18 year old is a regular speaker at his youth group. All of them are leaders at church where most of the kids are public school students. When my kids go out with other kids from the church I don't worry that they will be influenced by them. We enjoy being around our kids and our kids enjoy being around us. I believe that this is a result of not accepting the status quo of "teenagers need to rebel."
Young adults are passionate, they have strong convictions and they know what they believe. Look at our history. Young men of 14 headed to Harvard or tending their own farms. Do we need go back to marrying off kids at 14? By no means, but this idea that we need to keep our children, children until well past their childhood isn't working.
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