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But surely a 16 year old would know how to lock the doors so people can't just gatecrash his house? Social media does make it more difficult but if the teenager is a responsible one he just won't open the door. I had my fair share of parties as a teenager and I would never have let in someone who I didn't trust to behave reasonably well. I did once try and invite everyone I knew using a mass email but I forgot that the youth pastor from my church was in my email contact list so he got the email too
I guess it depends on where you live. In my area partying typically happens outdoors in the pool/yard area so there isn't really a door that can control things. Kids just walk to the back gate and let themselves in the yard. I suppose a parent could buy a lock for the gate but most people have fences that can be hopped easily. Most homes in this area have pools as it is a warm weather area (south FL).
Some of the parties that have happened locally have had hundreds of kids drinking in the yard and some of them swimming in the pool. I don't know any 16 year old who can effectively manage hundreds of kids showing up at their house. I guess things are different in different areas but around here I wouldn't leave a 16 year old home alone overnight.
I guess it depends on where you live. In my area partying typically happens outdoors in the pool/yard area so there isn't really a door that can control things. Kids just walk to the back gate and let themselves in the yard. I suppose a parent could buy a lock for the gate but most people have fences that can be hopped easily. Most homes in this area have pools as it is a warm weather area (south FL).
Some of the parties that have happened locally have had hundreds of kids drinking in the yard and some of them swimming in the pool. I don't know any 16 year old who can effectively manage hundreds of kids showing up at their house. I guess things are different in different areas but around here I wouldn't leave a 16 year old home alone overnight.
Agreed. And even if the party is indoors, once it reaches critical mass, there's not much the individual kid can do to stop it. The "host" is responsible for the damage his guests do, as well, and that can be considerable. My friend's son was in college and renting a house with some other guys. They, or rather the parents, ended up paying for a lot of damages the guys said they didn't do but which happened at a party.
All things considered, I think 16 1/2 is too young to leave home alone overnight. They can become a responsible adult w/o having that experience. My kids did.
My parents sent me to live alone in France when I was 17 for an entire summer. They left me alone for a month when I was 17 during the school year along with my 14 yr old sister.
My neighbors would have called the police within minutes if I'd had a party and I was smart enough not to.
Now my college roommate who's father was so strict he used to call to make sure she was home on Saturday nights at 12 was drunk our whole first semester of freshman year and failed out and was pregnant by spring break.
I'm not advocating for my parents loose style of parenting but my sister and I are both college educated adults with successful lives and early independence definitely helped.
I appreciate that your 16-year-old is an honor student, responsible, etc, that also describes my 16-year-old daughter, until last week. We got a knock on our door about 4 am, police bringing her home, drunk as a skunk found passed out at a park, while we thought she was asleep in her bed!
We then found she had been smoking marijuana as well. We simply had no idea of the double-life she was leading, apparently she was sneaking out the window at night. You just don't know what your kid can be up to. It was fortunate we knew the cop as a personal friend, he just brought her home, instead of charging her.
Also, do be aware that teens consider credit cards to be their's for the taking. We found out DD was taking our CC, buy stuff, then return for cash to buy drugs. Keep those CC under strict lock and key at ALL times, that means ALL times, you never leave such unattended. Even if the OP son is a responsible young man, you don't know who else will take advantage of the situation, get inside, and go through your stuff, cc, SSN, small valuables, believe me, its all happened to us via my totally trustworthy daughter.
Give it a ew years, 18 is a different world from 16!
Is this the same daughter you were threatening to take off your insurance because she was smoking? The same one whose *projects* in 9th grade you were complaining about because they were too expensive?
You found condoms in her room when she was 14? The same one who would not get you something to eat when you were ill and had back problems when she was 12? Who would not even pick up things she knocked over at that age?
You have to understand that your problems with both your kids are not the kinds of problems that most parents of honor students have. Something *is* up with you and your kids, but others should not decide based on advice from someone who has had long term problems with both their children.
I hope your kids straighten out, but I think you are going to need to do some hard work on yourself and your parenting, MaryLee.
Agreed. However, as I told my daughters once, there are some mistakes a parent would rather their kids not make, e.g. a fatal DUI. That's the last mistake they'll ever make! As kids get older, the types of mistakes they can make gets more serious. Some can land you in jail, and sometimes have permanent consequences re: finding a job, being restricted from certain occupations, etc. Even the fatal DUI may not be the worst thing that could happen-a serious accident that leaves one wheelchair bound with a severely diminished mental capacity would be awful.
Yes thats true, there are some mistakes that you definitely don't want your children to make! I guess for those you have to hope that the values you have tried to install over the years have stuck so they would never even consider getting behind the wheel of a car after drinking (or in a car with another drunk driver) and other disastrous decisions like that.
We are leaving for vacation in a few weeks. Our 16-1/2 yo son would like to skip the 1st three days of it and join us later (us = mom, dad & 11 yo daughter). He is participating in a 7 week summer internship and if he takes vacation the entire week, he will be working later into the summer and cut into the free time before he gets into HS X-country training. Also, he says getting too old for these "family vacations" and rather spend time with his friends.
I (dad) am leaning toward saying yes. Of course, we would be in constant contact with him on those days and have friends and neighbors checking in. My wife is leaning towards no, saying he should go on the entire vacation.
He is generally a very responsible kid. Honor student, lots of xtra cirricular activities, sports. Some of his friends though tend to be a little wild. I'm looking for feedback from parents who have been in a similar situation or any parent who has an opinion.
I just read a story a few days ago about a woman who went out to dinner and left her 16 year old daughter and 3 of her friends at home to bake cookies. Well, one of the friends tweeted to another friend they were home alone, and that tweet was sent to others, then a notice was posted on facebook.
300 "friends", 7 arrest and thousands of dollars worth of damage (in 3 hours) the woman came home, the police had been called and her insurance will not cover any of the damage.
There's been a lot of research showing that an adolescent's brain doesn't really mature until about age 25. I'm not saying don't let your "kid" stay home alone until 25, but seriously? 16? There's a reason people are not considered adults until 18, and while any cutoff is arbitrary, that's young enough, IMO. There is certainly much evidence that even college age kids don't always make the best decisions.
I'm curious to know how old your kids are.
I agree with you. I would start to leave an 18 year old home alone for short periods of time, but I see no reason to do so before age 18 because it's such a short time left to really be a parent. My duty as a parent is to be home with my kids -- my kids come first, kid-free vacations can wait.
My kids are pretty boring and it's quite unlikely they would throw a party or even invite anyone over, and I very often leave a credit card for them to use if they want to order something on-line and never once have they abused this privilege. I still would not leave them alone at age 16, not so much because I think they would do something wild, but it's not what a parent should do.
The years right before age 18 or 19 can be as crucial as the younger ages. They can get lonely or worry over something, they might not know how to handle a situation that can come up. Plus -- who is going to be home for them to talk to if they're having a bad day or just want to talk?
I guess it depends on where you live. In my area partying typically happens outdoors in the pool/yard area so there isn't really a door that can control things. Kids just walk to the back gate and let themselves in the yard. I suppose a parent could buy a lock for the gate but most people have fences that can be hopped easily. Most homes in this area have pools as it is a warm weather area (south FL).
Some of the parties that have happened locally have had hundreds of kids drinking in the yard and some of them swimming in the pool. I don't know any 16 year old who can effectively manage hundreds of kids showing up at their house. I guess things are different in different areas but around here I wouldn't leave a 16 year old home alone overnight.
Hmm I didn't think of that, you've got a good point. Although I suppose a really responsible 16 year old would call the police in that situation as its a case of trespassing but I wouldn't expect a 16 year old to do that. But yeah it does depend on where you live - where I live I would have no problem leaving a 16 year old alone in an apartment building that people have to be let into or buzzed in or a locked house(and in fact many 16 year olds live alone anywhere here, they move out to be nearer the high school of their choice. My ex's niece is living in a student flat and she's just 16, but I think children and teenagers tend to be more mature and responsible here, compared to England at least and I imagine the US)
Yes thats true, there are some mistakes that you definitely don't want your children to make! I guess for those you have to hope that the values you have tried to install over the years have stuck so they would never even consider getting behind the wheel of a car after drinking (or in a car with another drunk driver) and other disastrous decisions like that.
You have to do more than hope. I know you're not from the US, nor live here. It's a different culture here than in some other countries re: DUI. Many, many people here in the US do not think it's dangerous to drink and drive, including lots of parents, who do it themselves. I'm not saying driving drunk necessarily, but driving after a "few" drinks. And talk about giving kids some credit! Not all kids adopt all the values of their parents, either. It is common for kids to think their parents are old "fuddy-duddies" and that they don't know anything. I've heard lots of stories about kids going out with someone else driving (frequently, but not always a girl on a date) and the driver gets drunk and gets in an accident. Then too, most of these kids know that people do plenty of driving after drinking and don't get in an accident, so they think their parents are crazy for having such concerns.
Kids love to test limits, too, and this includes kids with "progressive" parents. You tell them not to have a party and they'll give you their most sincere look and say they won't, and the parents barely have to be out the door before the party starts. That actually happened to a friend of mine who had to go back home to get something. The cars were already starting to arrive when she got home!
Hmm I didn't think of that, you've got a good point. Although I suppose a really responsible 16 year old would call the police in that situation as its a case of trespassing but I wouldn't expect a 16 year old to do that. But yeah it does depend on where you live - where I live I would have no problem leaving a 16 year old alone in an apartment building that people have to be let into or buzzed in or a locked house(and in fact many 16 year olds live alone anywhere here, they move out to be nearer the high school of their choice. My ex's niece is living in a student flat and she's just 16, but I think children and teenagers tend to be more mature and responsible here, compared to England at least and I imagine the US)
Hmmm! They may seem more mature, but are they really?
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