Am I right or wrong here? (teaching, parents, daughter, 9 year old)
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My daughter turned 9 in April. Before this, though, she has been making her own lunches and pouring her own cereal sense she was at least 6.
Today I make a lunch for myself. She ate not too long ago, about 1/2 hour earlier, so I didn't make her anything. She comes into the kitchen and asks, "What did you make for me?" I told her I didn't make her anything, but if she wants something, like a PB&J, she can make it herself.
She says, "Well, I don't want to make anything."
Was I wrong to tell her that? This actually pushes my buttons a little and I might have fired back a little too short-fused. My 12 year-old brother does the same thing, even asks his parents to feed him.
I don't know the tone you used. That would make the difference. Did she say it in a sort of joking way ? I ask my H this sometimes, as he asks me, and so do our kids. When I ask, I'm kind of hoping some one else made something for me even though I'm perfectly capable. It would be a nice surprise. Sometimes my H or so will make my lunch or breakfast because I typically make their dinner. If H is making breakfast, he always asks if I want some of it while he's cooking. It's just a nice thing to do for those you love.
Nope, you're not wrong. I have a 12 year old and a 10 year old. The rule here is, if someone is making a sandwich and you walk in, you can ask nicely if they'd mind making you one as well. Otherwise, feel free to make it yourself. I rarely make breakfast or lunch for my kids; they are very capable of making whatever they'd like, including eggs, macaroni and cheese, grilled cheese, salad, sandwiches, heating up leftovers, etc. Sometimes I will offer to make French toast or pancakes. If I am making sandwiches or cooking for lunch, I will ask if anyone wants any, but if i don't get answers, then I don't chase them down; they're on their own. I cook dinner every night. No one has gone hungry at all; some days they don't eat a "proper" lunch and will choose to eat carrots and hummus instead, but whatever. I don't let them just eat junk food.
She's not three years old. A nine-year-old can certainly make her own lunch or choose to be hungry. Or she could grab an apple and a cheese stick if she doesn't want to go through the trouble of "making" something. It wouldn't be wrong of you to make her lunch, of course, but it's definitely not wrong of you to let her make her own.
This is just the one time, for today at least. I usually make most of her meals, except for breakfast. Unless I'm feeling really nice, then I'll make her something.
[quote=AnotherTouchOfWhimsy;29749398]Nope, you're not wrong. I have a 12 year old and a 10 year old. The rule here is, if someone is making a sandwich and you walk in, you can ask nicely if they'd mind making you one as well. Otherwise, feel free to make it yourself. I rarely make breakfast or lunch for mykids; they are very capable of making whatever they'd like, including eggs, macaroni and cheese, grilled cheese, salad, sandwiches, heating up leftovers, etc. Sometimes I will offer to make French toast or pancakes. If I am making sandwiches or cooking for lunch, I will ask if anyone wants any, but if i don't getanswers, then I don't chase them down; they're on their own. I cook dinner every night. No one has gone hungry at all; some days they don't eat a "proper" lunch and will choose to eat carrots and hummus instead, but whatever. I don't let them just eat junk food.
She's not three years old. A nine-year-old can certainly make her own lunch or choose to be hungry. Or she could grab an apple and a cheese stick if she doesn't want to go through the trouble of "making" something. It wouldn't be wrong of you to make her lunch, of course, but it's definitely not wrong of you to let her make her own.[/quote]
I probably would have pointed out that she just ate, but offered to make her something if she asked nicely. My kids are capable of getting their own breakfast, but if I'm up and getting myself something, I will get theirs too.
Perhaps I am out of tune with this new "self-centered world", but I have always been in homes where one person does the cooking for everyone - breakfast, lunch, dinner. And if anyone else enters the kitchen, while that person is doing the cooking, you can hear "Get out of my kitchen!"
And that is the thing with kitchens, they are not really large enough for several people to be preparing different things at the same time. At the most one other person can help. But everyone is generally eating the same thing made for everyone.
Other than that, I would wonder if a kid is able to cook a variety of foods which would be good nutrition wise? Maybe they crave a certain food, but don't know how to prepare it? Whereas with an adult cooking, they would get more variety of foods.
If everyone is eating the same thing, then yes, normally one person would prepare the food for everyone. In some homes, though, not everyone sits down and eats the same thing for lunch. On any given day, one in our house might want leftovers, one might want grilled cheese, one might want salad, one might want PB&J, etc. In my house, the kids usually want to eat at 11:00 or 11:30, while I won't be hungry until closer to 1:00. DH comes home for lunch around 12:30. So whoever wants to can eat together, but since we sit down and eat dinner together every night, I don't force it at lunchtime as well. And certainly not at breakfast, when everyone is usually eating something different. (I eat oatmeal, DH and I drink coffee, the kids usually want cereal or yogurt or bagels. DD might cook herself a fried egg.)
As far as kids learning to cook, that's an important lesson that all children need to learn. They really can't do so if the parents are constantly doing it for them. If my 10-year-old couldn't make a sandwich or macaroni and cheese or heat up leftovers, or didn't know to eat a fruit or a veggie with lunch, then I'd consider myself as not doing a good job in teaching them what they need to know. In my house, I wrangle the kids into "helping" me cook (though really, it's faster to do it myself!) starting around age four or five. By six, they can make sandwiches/salads, and as they get older, they're given more leeway and responsibility. So by 10, there's no reason why they wouldn't be able to help themselves to anything that they wanted, within reason. My kids couldn't make a grilled steak dinner at this point, but they're not allowed to cook that for lunch anyway, so it's a moot point.
This is just the one time, for today at least. I usually make most of her meals, except for breakfast. Unless I'm feeling really nice, then I'll make her something.
If you usually make most of her meals, it's unreasonable to get mad with her when she expects this or thinks it is okay to ask you to do what you normally do for her.
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