Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
But this kid had her own lunch only half hour earlier, right? I think a 9 year old is perfectly capable of fixing her own lunch or snack and my 11 year olds do every day including making their lunch for school.
We had a problem with one girl always leaving the lunch material out instead of putting it back in the fridge. her excuse was "I thought you would want to make something for yourself so I didn't put it up" We came up with the rule to ask if anybody wants lunch stuff left out, otherwise it all goes back in the fridge.
If this girl is hanging around her 12 year old smart- mouthed uncle, some very bad habits might be rubbing off.
In my family when someone is fixing food they generally ask if anyone else in the house wants any. Manners is all, and we aren't really an "ever man for themselves" type of people. Even if someone says "no thanks" it's an interaction we like to have and a courtesy we like to extend.
My daughter turned 9 in April. Before this, though, she has been making her own lunches and pouring her own cereal sense she was at least 6.
Today I make a lunch for myself. She ate not too long ago, about 1/2 hour earlier, so I didn't make her anything. She comes into the kitchen and asks, "What did you make for me?" I told her I didn't make her anything, but if she wants something, like a PB&J, she can make it herself.
She says, "Well, I don't want to make anything."
Was I wrong to tell her that? This actually pushes my buttons a little and I might have fired back a little too short-fused. My 12 year-old brother does the same thing, even asks his parents to feed him.
I have always made enough for everyone, the same meal because my kitchen has never been a short order restaurant. IF you are not hungry at the moment fine you can warm what I have fixed later. IF you are after just a snack, knock yourself out and whatever you find or make is yours to enjoy.
**Dang, you had to mention pbj didn't you**.........(off to make a pbj and have a glass of milk along with it)
I agree. You have set her up with a set of expectations and then flipped the script on her and then got mad at her. That confused me.
I think that a better approach would have been to very cordially explain that, no, you did not make her anything because she just ate half hour ago and you assumed that she would not be hungry. When she said that she didn't want to make anything for herself, it sounds like her feelings could have been hurt but you were there and you know your daughter so you would know best.
Quote:
Originally Posted by thethreefoldme
If you usually make most of her meals, it's unreasonable to get mad with her when she expects this or thinks it is okay to ask you to do what you normally do for her.
In my family when someone is fixing food they generally ask if anyone else in the house wants any. Manners is all, and we aren't really an "ever man for themselves" type of people. Even if someone says "no thanks" it's an interaction we like to have and a courtesy we like to extend.
I don't think it is wrong to do what you did, but I also don't think it is wrong for a parent to make their 9 year old lunch.
Bingo - nor do I think it's wrong for a 9 year old to ask if their mom will fix them a sandwich. I mean, they're not asking if she will crawl on her hands and knees over sharp stones to do it.
Whether the mom's response was right or wrong would depend on the tone. It could be a learning experience, as in, "Well, I just sat down to eat this sandwich and I didn't ask if you wanted one because you just ate. Are you actually hungry? If you are, I don't mind fixing one for you - or better yet, you could fix it yourself, exactly the way you want it!"
I'm all for teaching kids self sufficiency, but sometimes a kid just wants a sandwich made the way their mom makes it.
This is just the one time, for today at least. I usually make most of her meals, except for breakfast. Unless I'm feeling really nice, then I'll make her something.
This contradicts your first post where you said:
Quote:
My daughter turned 9 in April. Before this, though, she has been making her own lunches and pouring her own cereal sense she was at least 6.
It also contradicts itself, actually.
Summary of what I'm seeing you say:
"I usually make most of her meals, except for breakfast. And exept for lunch, since she's been making her own for the past three years or longer. So basially I usually only make my own daughter dinner. Except if I'm feeling nice, because I'm not obligated to make her any food at all, it's just a special treat when I do that. For my 9-year-old child."
I'm hoping that you don't really mean that - but that's basically what you are saying. If making your child's meals is only something you do when you're being "nice" then I fear for your daughter's safety. Especially since you claim she's been making her own lunches since she was 6. I know when I was 6, I wasn't allowed near knives, matches, or the stove unless Mommy was making something and I was being her helper. And when I was 6, I was too short to reach the cereal cabinet - I would've had to have gotten up on a step stool to get the cereal out. And I would've needed help getting the gallon container of milk out of the fridge. And tipping it over without making a mess on the floor.
What six-year-old is given responsibility for feeding themselves two meals out of three every day?
In my family when someone is fixing food they generally ask if anyone else in the house wants any. Manners is all, and we aren't really an "ever man for themselves" type of people. Even if someone says "no thanks" it's an interaction we like to have and a courtesy we like to extend.
We LIKE eating together.
Very old fashioned, apparently. I had no idea 9-year old's were in the kitchen making themselves a meal only to have Mom wander in later on to eat separately.
The OP's statements were really confusing (and sad) to me too. I had the exact same reaction and questions. The poor dear. Well, I can only hope that her mother decides to be "nice" to her more often.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnonChick
This contradicts your first post where you said:
It also contradicts itself, actually.
Summary of what I'm seeing you say:
"I usually make most of her meals, except for breakfast. And exept for lunch, since she's been making her own for the past three years or longer. So basially I usually only make my own daughter dinner. Except if I'm feeling nice, because I'm not obligated to make her any food at all, it's just a special treat when I do that. For my 9-year-old child."
I'm hoping that you don't really mean that - but that's basically what you are saying. If making your child's meals is only something you do when you're being "nice" then I fear for your daughter's safety. Especially since you claim she's been making her own lunches since she was 6. I know when I was 6, I wasn't allowed near knives, matches, or the stove unless Mommy was making something and I was being her helper. And when I was 6, I was too short to reach the cereal cabinet - I would've had to have gotten up on a step stool to get the cereal out. And I would've needed help getting the gallon container of milk out of the fridge. And tipping it over without making a mess on the floor.
What six-year-old is given responsibility for feeding themselves two meals out of three every day?
I'm all for teaching kids self sufficiency, but sometimes a kid just wants a sandwich made the way their mom makes it.
My 19 year old gets so excited when I make him a sandwich. Of course he is quite capable of fixing his own sandwich but he absolutely loves when I do it for him. He says that the best sandwiches are the ones your mom makes for you. He swears they taste better.
To answer the OP's question-I usually ask my kids if they want a sandwich if I am making one for myself. It's courtesy.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
