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I got up this morning and for some reason thought to ask her if she wanted to go with me to counseling. Rather than just a simple " no" I got a " No, I'm going to make myself some breakfast and go back to bed, my big soft bed. It was so nice having it all to myself." I decided I'd be honest, I told her that despite all of this, I missed her and that I didn't want a divorce( feeling was mutual.) She responded with " I remember our first morning here. You put this huge bouquet of roses by my side of the bed. It was so romantic" I get it, no I'm not doing roses. I went to counseling and got the same response from the other counselor. I taught my son how to cook a little more tonight
I got up this morning and for some reason thought to ask her if she wanted to go with me to counseling. Rather than just a simple " no" I got a " No, I'm going to make myself some breakfast and go back to bed, my big soft bed. It was so nice having it all to myself." I decided I'd be honest, I told her that despite all of this, I missed her and that I didn't want a divorce( feeling was mutual.) She responded with " I remember our first morning here. You put this huge bouquet of roses by my side of the bed. It was so romantic" I get it, no I'm not doing roses. I went to counseling and got the same response from the other counselor. I taught my son how to cook a little more tonight
Got the same response from the other counselor... as in s/he also said not to get your wife roses?
I got up this morning and for some reason thought to ask her if she wanted to go with me to counseling. Rather than just a simple " no" I got a " No, I'm going to make myself somebreakfast and go back to bed, my big soft bed. It was so nice having it all to myself." I decided I'd be honest, I told her that despite all of this, I missed her and that I didn't want a divorce( feeling was mutual.) She responded with " I remember our first morning here. You put this huge bouquet of roses bymy side of the bed. It was so romantic" I get it, no I'm not doing roses. I went to counseling and got the same response from the other counselor. I taught my son how to cook a little more tonight
Throughout this thread I had often thought that your wife acted more like a 17 or 18 year old girl than a woman in her 30s. I'm starting to think that she is more like a middle school age girl who is dreaming about a future perfect boyfriend/husband and how the man will spoil her rotten without her having to do anything at all for him.
Irish, I really hope you realize how truly dysfunctional and immature your wife's attribute and behavior is.
I got up this morning and for some reason thought to ask her if she wanted to go with me to counseling. Rather than just a simple " no" I got a " No, I'm going to make myself some breakfast and go back to bed, my big soft bed. It was so nice having it all to myself." I decided I'd be honest, I told her that despite all of this, I missed her and that I didn't want a divorce( feeling was mutual.) She responded with " I remember our first morning here. You put this huge bouquet of roses by my side of the bed. It was so romantic" I get it, no I'm not doing roses. I went to counseling and got the same response from the other counselor. I taught my son how to cook a little more tonight
Honestly, what I got from this is your wife is the same old, same old...
but you started teaching your son to cook! GOOD! continue with the counseling and giving your son some life lessons...
Throughout this thread I had often thought that your wife acted more like a 17 or 18 year old girl than a woman in her 30s. I'm starting to think that she is more like a middle school age girl who is dreaming about a future perfect boyfriend/husband and how the man will spoil her rotten without her having to do anything at all for him.
Irish, I really hope you realize how truly dysfunctional and immature your wife's attribute and behavior is.
Yes, I get that feeling as well. I feel that she has regressed in age maturity. I feel like when she was 18, 19, 20,21,etc she had the maturity level of a 30 year old because she had to, because she had a child to raise. The way she raised that kid when I wasn't there was nothing short of a miracle when you think about how other teen moms raise their kids. Somehow, she raised him with manners and etiquette.
Yes, I get that feeling as well. I feel that she has regressed in age maturity. I feel like when she was 18, 19, 20,21,etc she had the maturity level of a 30 year old because she had to, because she had a child to raise. The way she raised that kid when I wasn't there was nothing short of a miracle when you think about how other teen moms raise their kids. Somehow, she raised him with manners and etiquette.
I'm sure one of your therapists could delve into why your wife seems to be either frozen at age 15, or regressing from age 30 to age 15. I'm curious about what's behind that. I don't know if you or the therapist has flat out told her she acts like a teenager, but maybe someone should. I'm glad your son ended up with manners in between the Mt Dew as a toddler and lack of rules as a teen.
I think telling her you missed her is unnecessary and counterproductive. Did you really miss her drama? really? I don't think I'd say much of anything other than "I hope we can work this out, but some things need to change."
I think telling her you missed her is unnecessary and counterproductive. Did you really miss her drama? really? I don't think I'd say much of anything other than "I hope we can work this out, but some things need to change."
I agree. It's always 1 step forward, two steps back.
Irish, your reactions are so confusing.
At the moments when she is treating you like her worst enemy, you just ... roll over.
I wonder how your wife would react if she witnessed or heard this kind of behavior in another person's marriage? She really does not get it does she?
Perhaps next time she speaks to you like the most recent example, or any of the other 100's of times she does this baiting thing she does, stop and ask her how she would react if she overheard your son's GF speaking to him like this and then walk away. Don't wait for her answer--just turn around and walk away.
I suggest that you record or videotape a conversation. Just pull out your phone, (assuming you have a video or audio recorder on it) and start taping. Later, not at that moment, tell her you would like her to listen or watch something as it explains the problem better than you've been able to do. It's not meant to be punitive. No name calling or baiting by you either. Tell her it's an example of what you see as the problem you want to fix. I think you would both be stunned.
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