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i feel like I should do with my wife what I did with my son
You probably should! But leave it a while (couple of weeks at least) otherwise she may feel she's being set up which won't bode well for honest discussion.
Perhaps, in a week or so, you could give your son Howard Stern's biography - not for his birthday, but just because you know he will be interested. Splash out for the hard-cover. http://www.amazon.com/Howard-Stern-B.../dp/0313380325. The book may well inspire your son to get moving with career steps.
Hopefully, your son will want to discuss the book with you. Express interest in hearing his views. Ask him if he got any useful ideas for his own career from the book. But don't make a huge deal of it. As others have said, one step at a time.
I'm glad you did the dinner thing and had a good conversation. But he isn't going to change over night. It is nice to know he has aspirations, but what is he going to do to get there?
I figured that I might as well keep this line of communication thing going. It kind of freaked me out that he brought up divorce so I thought I’d address this with her after dinner. I really miss how it was when we were 14, 15, 16. Obviously at 36, we’re aren’t exactly the same. I didn’t tell her what my son asked because I felt that bringing him up would freak her out. I felt as though I needed to bring up the hard questions. I got her to sit down in our room. I just asked her point blank “ I love you so much. Do you still love me”? She said yes and I said I wasn’t here to fight or argue, but I just said “ You know we both have different ways of dealing with him and I feel that we should get on some common ground, but I asked her why she’s so lax with him. It was a combo of her wanting to give him a rule free area( since school is not rule free) and a feeling of not wanting resentment from him for being strict so she let me be the strict one. I told he’s not the type of kid to resent people. I told her that we should try and get on the same page when he gets in trouble.
She admitted that she still sees him as a 4 or 5 year old running around my dorm room at Notre Dame shirtless. I used to sneak him Mountain Dews to get him going and he’d climb all over her hugging and kissing her until she’d tell him. “ Hey cutie, I love you but unfortunately I’m not a jungle gym but your dad is, go see him. Other people would actually kind of linger outside my dorm room and watch my wife and I interact with him because I was “ that kid with a son” and that amazed them. She was a disciplinarian back then. He wasn’t bad but she taught him to basics( no candy before dinner, no playing in the mud, etc). I felt it was a good talk and we spent a long time just laughing about stuff from our teen years.
Please don't take this the wrong way. But you guys have the weirdest relationship.
Apparently after you got pregnant and married, you went on to Notre Dame and lived in the dorm and finished school? But they would come up and visit? So she lived with her parents?
And how long have you actually lived in the house together as a married couple, about 12 years? That's long enough, but not if you started off as babies emotionally.
Sometimes in your posts you sound like a lovesick teenager. It's as if emotionally you stopped growing once she got pregnant. The interactions you describe with your wife literally sound like high school GF/BF interactions.
When is the counseling appointment? You really REALLY need it. The dynamic you have right now is not helping anyone. At least she admits that she set you up as the bad guy.
Please don't take this the wrong way. But you guys have the weirdest relationship.
Apparently after you got pregnant and married, you went on to Notre Dame and lived in the dorm and finished school? But they would come up and visit? So she lived with her parents?
And how long have you actually lived in the house together as a married couple, about 12 years? That's long enough, but not if you started off as babies emotionally.
Sometimes in your posts you sound like a lovesick teenager. It's as if emotionally you stopped growing once she got pregnant. The interactions you describe with your wife literally sound like high school GF/BF interactions.
When is the counseling appointment? You really REALLY need it. The dynamic you have right now is not helping anyone. At least she admits that she set you up as the bad guy.
Exactly what I was thinking. I think this might apply to the wife too, and the way she shuns having rules like a teen would.
Apparently after you got pregnant and married, you went on to Notre Dame and lived in the dorm and finished school? But they would come up and visit? So she lived with her parents?
And how long have you actually lived in the house together as a married couple, about 12 years?
When is the counseling appointment? You really REALLY need it. The dynamic you have right now is not helping anyone. At least she admits that she set you up as the bad guy.
Yes, I went to ND. I figured I'd be more useful with a college degree than with no college degree so I got one and got a job. I graduated at 24 so yeah 12 years living together. She actually moved out and got a little place. She worked to make a little cash and I worked. My parents paid for ND so my money got sent to help her. If she worked late, my parents or hers would watch him. Counseling is sometime next week.
[quote=Wmsn4Life;29483515]Good job being open and direct.
Sometimes in your posts you sound like a lovesick teenager. It's as if emotionally you stopped growing once she got pregnant. The interactions you describe with your wife literally sound like high school GF/BF interactions.
I'm not sure what you mean, can you explain that? I agree, they are high school GF/BF interactions because we dated all through high school.
Sometimes in your posts you sound like a lovesick teenager. It's as if emotionally you stopped growing once she got pregnant. The interactions you describe with your wife literally sound like high school GF/BF interactions.
I'm not sure what you mean, can you explain that? I agree, they are high school GF/BF interactions because we dated all through high school.
Your behavior makes you both sound like you are STILL in high school, like you have not matured at all.
You cannot make helpful decisions for a teenager in your care if mentally you and your wife still make decisions like teenagers.
Your behavior makes you both sound like you are STILL in high school, like you have not matured at all.
You cannot make helpful decisions for a teenager in your care if mentally you and your wife still make decisions like teenagers.
I don't really know how to say this without sounding like I'm going on the defensive. We had a kid at 18, so when we were still " kids" or whatever word you associate with 18/19 year olds, we had to be parents and adults in order to raise this kid. Long story short I think at 18 we acted like we were 36 and at 36 I think we(she more than I) act like we're 18. And I agree about the decision making.
Last edited by irishfan77; 05-08-2013 at 10:00 PM..
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