I don't know how I should feel about this (teenage, school, raise)
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Irish, why not look and see what trade schools are in your area? Maybe your son would like to be an electrician, plumber, cook, radiation technician, welder, steam and pipe fitter, machinist, mechanic, or industrial engineer. The possibilities are endless, but don't allow him to sit on the sidelines.
A lot of these require major math or science backgrounds, which are out, if this kid is that unmotivated.
So I took your guys’ advice( went against others) and impulsively took him out to dinner. I remember my dad used to have deep talks with me in the Jacuzzi His mother didn’t look very happy but she perked right up when he got to the kitchen. The evil eye towards me turned into “ Have a great time... I love you” *hug*. I took him to our country club. I asked him two questions ,“ What are your career aspirations?” and “ If you were going to college, what would you major in?” he answered with “ radio talent” and “ Journalism”. Apparently, he’s a big Howard Stern fan and turns him on when he drives. I’m a big HS fan myself. I could see that career( I don’t see him getting to Stern status but still its good to have goals) he has the tools. I know radio involves writing and he’s a very good writer when he wants to be and he’s very social( he got that from his mother) and enjoys voicing opinions and talking with other people. I know people say radio is dying, but I think they are comparing that to dying down from what it used to be. There’s still podcasts and radio on the internet and things like that.
He asked me a few questions as well. One made me pretty upset. “Are you and Mom getting divorced? You fight a lot.” I told him there was 0 chance of that happening and we’re working on it. And he asked me “ Do I still have to meet the May deadline?” I told him that it was off and that I’m sorry I kept flip flopping.
When we got, she was excited to see him, didn’t really say much to me. She was all about getting him to sit down on the couch and talk about it. He wouldn’t tell her ( out of respect I think). It was kind of funny because he kept changing the topic. She kept asked him what we talked about, he responded with things like, “ Did you know Dad made honor roll in high school?” Her response was priceless “ Yes, I’m aware.” “He made the deans list”. “ Kanye’s dropping an album soon.” . I don’t want to get too excited but I think that I got through to him and don’t have to worry about him as much as his mom. Am I getting ahead of myself?
If you guys belong to a country club, you must be at least reasonably well off.
At that point, I would say stop looking for your son to contribute to the household. You clearly make enough money.
I don't think radio is dying though.
I will say that if you gave him your assurance that "there's 0% chance of us getting a divorce," you better not because then you will have lied in one of the worst ways possible.
Forget getting your son to do anything at that point.
I wouldn't get too excited about him not telling Mom. He was probably just waiting until you left the room.
No, it's not that, but those positions were not on the list.
Most of that list requires high-end intellectual work and this kid can't even do well in high school.
I pulled D's in math all through school and I've always worked in Finance.
No degree here, just the school of life, hard slog and lashings of common sense, got me (nearly) to the top.
Now I feel like it was a total and utter waste of time, all of it, and I thank God I didn't add to the time wasting by spending my best years at university, like everyone else wanted for me.
OP you sound like a really good concerned dad and I wouldn't spend another minute worrying about your boy. He might be a slow starter, take a while to find his way - but he will probably get there in the end, most of them do, especially when they have caring involved parents like yourself and your wife.
I pulled D's in math all through school and I've always worked in Finance.
No degree here, just the school of life, hard slog and lashings of common sense, got me (nearly) to the top.
Now I feel like it was a total and utter waste of time, all of it, and I thank God I didn't add to the time wasting by spending my best years at university, like everyone else wanted for me.
OP you sound like a really good concerned dad and I wouldn't spend another minute worrying about your boy. He might be a slow starter, take a while to find his way - but he will probably get there in the end, most of them do, especially when they have caring involved parents like yourself and your wife.
You probably knew someone personally willing to help.
Your wife stated she feared what your son would think if he found out you were in therapy together. Well in my opinion it is a strong couple or person who knows when they need support or help and gets it. It would show your son in times of struggle it is ok to ask and get help. That is a good example.
Many people fear having to look at their own actions and your wife may be feeling that way. That it may be hard to face some mistakes or feelings and that may be true but in the long run can make life better
Please don't take this the wrong way. But you guys have the weirdest relationship.
Apparently after you got pregnant and married, you went on to Notre Dame and lived in the dorm and finished school? But they would come up and visit? So she lived with her parents?
And how long have you actually lived in the house together as a married couple, about 12 years? That's long enough, but not if you started off as babies emotionally.
Sometimes in your posts you sound like a lovesick teenager. It's as if emotionally you stopped growing once she got pregnant. The interactions you describe with your wife literally sound like high school GF/BF interactions.
When is the counseling appointment? You really REALLY need it. The dynamic you have right now is not helping anyone. At least she admits that she set you up as the bad guy.
I think that is borderline mean. There are dynamics in every relationship that might be construed as "weird" by others. This couple were kids when they got together and have formed a set pattern of how they interact with each other. The OP is willing to go to counseling to learn new ways of interacting. I give him a lot of credit for that, as well as stepping up as a parent and husband at such a young age while getting an education. Not many teen pregnancies end up as well.
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