I don't know how I should feel about this (punishment, infant, decide)
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I'm not sure why the 18-year-old should get rewarded for doing what a decent human does being anyway.
I would not pay for my recent high school graduate and his, as you recently named her, "worthless girlfriend," to stay in an expensive hotel room in Chicago.
At some point you have to face the pain that is your marriage.
Breakfast in bed?? DO not play along. When she keeps bugging you like a 6-year-old to go out of town, look her in the eyes and say, "It sounds to me like YOU want to go to Chicago, not our son."
WOW, so much game play on BOTH sides. She manipulates him and he punishes her in retaliation. BOTH of the participants in this marriage need individual therapy to assist them in dealing with the issues in a positive and adult manner.
She isn’t being very subtle about her intentions. I told her I didn’t think it was really necessary to reward with him with a trip to Chicago. She got kinda pouty about it( probably didn’t realize I was onto her.) “ But sweetie, he’s been so well behaved and sweet, we need to show him we appreciate it.” I told her I didn’t like the idea and she continued pouting “ but he’s so loving and trying to change and it’s a nice gesture and great family time”. I told her I had a better idea, I asked him if he wanted me to reserve a hotel room for him and his GF for the weekend”. He was pretty pumped. Next thing I heard was “ Honey, why aren’t you and I going?” I told her that it’d be more fun if it were just him and her. “ But, I wanted to have a spa day and maybe shop and have a quiet dinner”. I( feeling really weird, like I was consoling a teenage girl) told her. “ I’ll tell you what. Saturday morning I’ll bring you breakfast in bed and you can just lay in bed or sit in the hot tub and that can be a spa. I promise you won’t lift a finger all weekend and we can have a romantic dinner at home and you can shop” I got an eye roll and a “ Fine”. About a half hour later, she is in his room asking him if he’s sure he doesn’t want us there. She was forced to accept his wishes.
Wait. I don't get it. Does she need your permission to go to Chicago? When you discuss budgeting, is entertainment in there?
Wait. I don't get it. Does she need your permission to go to Chicago? When you discuss budgeting, is entertainment in there?
Good point. The OP stated he felt like he was dealing with a teenage girl. Perhaps that's because he's set up the marriage to treat her that way. What grown woman needs her husbands permission to visit another city? A discussion about going, agreement on a date and the amount of funds available for the trip is reasonable. Needing permission to be granted is not.
I'm stunned by all of this (which I didn't think was possible, this far in the thread ). Her whole reaction to the Chicago trip. Your reaction (breakfast in bed, don't lift a finger). Does she DESERVE that type of treatment? Or are you playing her the same way she is playing you???
When you offer something like the breakfast in bed thing, it is usually either a birthday/holiday, or a gesture of appreciation. What has she done that you appreciate lately? From what you post here, not a whole lot.
Be honest with her. Tell her that you are on to her. Do it when your son is away with girlfriend, and let the fireworks happen. If she storms off to her room (LIKE A SPOILED TEENAGER), follow her. You need to have this discussion, without your son around. I really think the two of you will get nowhere until honesty is added to the discussions. JMO.
She doesn't need my permission. As I stated before, I simply said it would be cool if just he and his GF went. She then went to our son's room and asked him if he was sure he didn't want us there. She basically asked him permission. I'm giving him a credit card as a budget and he knows that I trust him and will be keeping tabs on his purchases. I'll admit the breakfast in bed and lifting a finger was overboard but it was something to calm her down and knowing her, she'll either tell me Friday night that she doesn't want breakfast(hardly eats it) or she'll forget. I'm not playing with her though. I recognize her manipulation. It was a bad example but, when i posted " I can't help but think this trip is for her.." I was being sarcastic
She doesn't need my permission. As I stated before, I simply said it would be cool if just he and his GF went. She then went to our son's room and asked him if he was sure he didn't want us there. She basically asked him permission. I'm giving him a credit card as a budget and he knows that I trust him and will be keeping tabs on his purchases. I'll admit the breakfast in bed and lifting a finger was overboard but it was something to calm her down and knowing her, she'll either tell me Friday night that she doesn't want breakfast(hardly eats it) or she'll forget. I'm not playing with her though. I recognize her manipulation. It was a bad example but, when i posted " I can't help but think this trip is for her.." I was being sarcastic
I still think you should use that weekend , while your son is gone, to have an honest, open discussion about the manipulation and expectations from both of you.
She doesn't need my permission. As I stated before, I simply said it would be cool if just he and his GF went. She then went to our son's room and asked him if he was sure he didn't want us there. She basically asked him permission. I'm giving him a credit card as a budget and he knows that I trust him and will be keeping tabs on his purchases. I'll admit the breakfast in bed and lifting a finger was overboard but it was something to calm her down and knowing her, she'll either tell me Friday night that she doesn't want breakfast(hardly eats it) or she'll forget. I'm not playing with her though. I recognize her manipulation. It was a bad example but, when i posted " I can't help but think this trip is for her.." I was being sarcastic
No, I get the details of the silly drama the two of you are playing. What I am pointing out is some food for thought about the underlying dysfunction that you two are playing out. Why does she have to wheedle and whine to you to get what she wants? Does SHE need to grow into a mature woman who can simply face saying, hey honey, I am off to Chicago for the weekend. See ya! AND/OR are you holding the purse strings so tightly that she has to use these dysfunctional, old fashioned "feminine wiles" on you?
Oh you ARE still playing. When you bothered to discuss who was going and the relative merits of your son blah blah blah, you were playing along. When you did not look her in the eye and say "If you want to go to Chicago, SAY SO."
No, Why does she have to wheedle and whine to you to get what she wants? Does SHE need to grow into a mature woman who can simply face saying, hey honey, I am off to Chicago for the weekend. See ya!
She doesn't have to, she just does.
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). Her whole reaction to the Chicago trip. Your reaction (breakfast in bed, don't lift a finger). Does she DESERVE that type of treatment? Or are you playing her the same way she is playing you???
