Arranged marriage (child, get married, classes, 13 year old)
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Yes, plenty of people get married without teen pregnancy and VD, but the divorce rate in the US is approaching 70%! We all like to think that divorce is better for the children because the parents aren't arguing anymore, but all the research shows the contrary. it is horrible for the children.
I don't think it's about trust. I trust my kids to make really good decisions. I know they will because, generally speaking, they have good heads on their shoulders and they want to do what is right. However, when talking about sex, I think it is unfair to ask a young couple to spend hours alone together and NOT have sex!
Why is waiting until marriage to have sex creepy? Really? Something so intimate SHOULD be shared with multiple partners? I really don't understand. DewDrop, are you married?
That's not what I said. I said arranging a child's marriage then making sure they don't have sex before marriage is creepy.
I am married. For many happy years. In my family dating was encouraged and there have been no divorces. Probably because we were encouraged to go out and see the world and spread our wings and meet all kinds of people. The idea of picking a spouse for us would never have occurred to my parents. They raised us, exposed us to a lot of different things and places and kinds of people (that was very deliberate on their part) and then let us make our own decisions as adults. I cannot imagine a parent, in this country, in this point in time wanting to pick a spouse for their child. Every person is an individual and should be honored as such. Not told what to do by a parent who wants to control even whom they marry. Sorry, nope.
LOL! Your parents have each been married multiple times and you blame their choice of partner. The LCD there is your parents! Maybe THEY are the one you ought to hold up as someone not to marry.
Well, my mom left her first two husbands and the third died. It's different in each relationship. My Dad chose poorly both the first and second time. This time I think he's got a winner. My mom is a manipulative, overbearing woman who drives her men to fury. And then blames them for losing their temper. And yes, I would never marry anyone like my parents. And I didn't. My husband is so different from them that they can't even understand him. He's artsy and mysterious and one of the most gentle, kind people I've ever met. Nothing like my parents.
Well, my mom left her first two husbands and the third died. It's different in each relationship. My Dad chose poorly both the first and second time. This time I think he's got a winner. My mom is a manipulative, overbearing woman who drives her men to fury. And then blames them for losing their temper. And yes, I would never marry anyone like my parents. And I didn't. My husband is so different from them that they can't even understand him. He's artsy and mysterious and one of the most gentle, kind people I've ever met. Nothing like my parents.
Who presumably you were competent enough to choose yourself. Wonder who your parents would havve choosen?
Who presumably you were competent enough to choose yourself. Wonder who your parents would havve choosen?
Well, to be fair, my parents weren't remotely interested in my life and didn't take any pains to teach me anything. Hopefully, someone arranging a marriage would be more interested in the well-being of their child. And I really don't even think the OP means arranged marriage in a Fiddler on the Roof way, the way some of you are imagining it. (Forgive me, Western Pilgrim if I am wrong and please correct me.)
Actually, now that I think about it, I bet WP is a lot more like Tevya than most of you would believe. He might have his ideas and ideals, but he would be easily convinced otherwise if one of the kids gave him good reason to change his mind.
Oh, and one thing I forgot. My sister chose a horrible husband and is suffering for it every day. It's a crap shoot.
So....you believe that your selection for your children is any less of a crap shoot? You think the preteen you're so confident you know who she'd be attracted to is going to be the same at 25? And if you are so happy with your marriage, which was based on your choice (even allowing for parents who weren't remotely interested in your life), why would you believe that your children (who are being brought up with loving and involved parents modeling a good marriage) wouldn't be perfectly able to make a good choice on their own?
ETA Plus, quite honestly, speaking from the perspective of a parent of young adult children, I would not want to rob them of that life experience - the good and the bad of it. Life's bumpy road is what makes it interesting.
Last edited by maciesmom; 01-26-2013 at 04:03 PM..
So....you believe that your selection for your children is any less of a crap shoot? You think the preteen you're so confident you know who she'd be attracted to is going to be the same at 25? And if you are so happy with your marriage, which was based on your choice (even allowing for parents who weren't remotely interested in your life), why would you believe that your children (who are being brought up with loving and involved parents modeling a good marriage) wouldn't be perfectly able to make a good choice on their own?
ETA Plus, quite honestly, speaking from the perspective of a parent of young adult children, I would not want to rob them of that life experience - the good and the bad of it. Life's bumpy road is what makes it interesting.
Holy cow, where are you getting all this from? I'm not the person who started this post and I have not supported the idea of arranged marriages anywhere in this thread.
Any why is everyone so aggressive? Are we really unable to have conversations about topics with which we have differing opinions without freaking out?
That's not what I said. I said arranging a child's marriage then making sure they don't have sex before marriage is creepy.
I am married. For many happy years. In my family dating was encouraged and there have been no divorces. Probably because we were encouraged to go out and see the world and spread our wings and meet all kinds of people. The idea of picking a spouse for us would never have occurred to my parents. They raised us, exposed us to a lot of different things and places and kinds of people (that was very deliberate on their part) and then let us make our own decisions as adults. I cannot imagine a parent, in this country, in this point in time wanting to pick a spouse for their child. Every person is an individual and should be honored as such. Not told what to do by a parent who wants to control even whom they marry. Sorry, nope.
With all due respect, you continue to repeat this same mantra that parents force their children to undergo arranged marriages and the children have no input as to who they marry. I'm sorry but I would encourage you to research your opinions as this is not how arranged marriages are conducted in the vast majority of the world. The way arranged marriages work is parents seek suitors for their child. The children also examine these suitors' profiles and then agree or disagree to meet those people. Once they meet, they decide if they want to go on a series of dates to get to know one another prior to getting married or they may agree to get married on the spot. It is a very involved process in which the families meet and the suitors meet and they all come to an agreement but the children are not forced to marry someone they have no desire in marrying.
In addition, parents in this country do pick spouses for their child routinely. And children often seek their parents approval regarding a spouse and will often not marry someone if their parent's don't approve ie asking for the father's permission to marry their daughter. So to assume that parents possess no role in how western marriages are conducted is simply ignorant. For the record, I was not married in an arranged fashion and I am Hispanic American but I work with people whose children were arranged and I had many of the same false preconceived notions you did regarding arranged marriages. After witnessing the process with friends' children and people who were married this way, I truly believe it's a superior approach to relationships and marriage. It's not perfect but the statistics speak for itself regarding the divorce rate in this country. And I think Americans are seeing that pre-arranged relationships have their pros hence the reason people use websites and professional matchmakers.
Where do you get the idea that that is the "Christian" tradition?? Lots of arranged marriages in the Muslim and Jewish traditions, and probably others, are exactly the same. It's a modern thing, not a Christian thing, and it's more related to culture than religion.
He thinks everything he likes is a "christian thing".
The New York Times also has articles on same-sex marriages and how happy the couples are!
I'm guessing we won't get a link.
Nor will many articles on arranged same-sex marriages be forthcoming.
But I wouldn't want to hijack a thread. Heavens no.
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I cannot imagine a parent, in this country, in this point in time wanting to pick a spouse for their child. Every person is an individual and should be honored as such. Not told what to do by a parent who wants to control even whom they marry. Sorry, nope.
