What's up with my 11 year old niece? (support, game, parent)
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Have you asked her? I'm sure she is old enough to be able to explain herself somewhat.
Some people are more open to being cheered on by their families, others are embarassed by any extra attention directed their way.
Is your family the extra boisterous type? That might make her uncomfortable.
Or maybe she's a little supersticious (quite a few athletes are). She may be afraid she'll choke when her family is around.
Could be lots of reasons for this, but again I say, just ask her. Just make sure that when you ask, you don't put words in her mouth. Let her answer and respect her answer.
Maybe just tell her that you respect what she wants, but that if she ever changes her mind, you would be thrilled to be there for her and you would respect whatever guidelines she sets. Like no yelling at umpires or referees, or whatever is relevent to her sport (for example).
My daughter used to play sports and there were tons of parents out there making nuisances of themselves. I'm not saying thats how it would be with you and her parents, but maybe she's seen other families and she is afraid of that.
Just ask her.
I have asked her and she says "I just dont like it, please don't come"
I actually have said " you respect what she wants, but that if she ever changes her mind, you would be thrilled to be there" she looked at me and said with a smile "well that's going to be a longgg time"
I wouldn't say we ever yelled or anything at her on the field, other than the normal clapping for a goal, etc etc.
Don't mess with what she feels. She trusts you now. would she still trust you as much if she found out that you went even though she asked you not to?
She knows that there is a chance that she could goof up somehow. It's one thing to do it in front of strangers. It's quite another to risk doing it in front of someone that is proud of you.
My hypothesis, is that she thinks, if you goof up in front of strangers, well, you'll never see them again. That makes it easier to get over it. However, if she screws up in front of you, in her eyes, you will look at her for the rest of her life as the kid who choked at this critical moment. It doesn't matter if this is what you would actually do, it is what she fears.
However, it wouldn't hurt to pull out of her the reasons why she feels this way, just don't interrogate her about it. If you ever want to ask her again why she doesn't want family to come, ask, "Can you give me one reason, even if it is not a very important one, why we shouldn't come?" Get your one reason, and let the issue be. Then maybe ask the question again in a few weeks. Don't try to force the answer out of her all at once. You will just get a nasty scene, with a lot of misdirected anger.
In the meantime, maybe you can see if someone will film these events for you.
Everyone is overthinking this. Just GO. It She is being fickle. Just go and report back what happened. I can tell you what will happen: You will have fun and she will do her sport.
Everyone is overthinking this. Just GO. It She is being fickle. Just go and report back what happened. I can tell you what will happen: You will have fun and she will do her sport.
No, do not do this. Her feelings are more important than family coming to the games. Often children who are great at something are perfectionists and really do NOT want the people they are close to seeing them on the field.
so there just is no resolution here I guess. Ive already done the stuff suggested and aside from her just having to put up with family coming, I guess there's no working it out
so there just is no resolution here I guess. Ive already done the stuff suggested and aside from her just having to put up with family coming, I guess there's no working it out
Have you all attended her games/practices before now? If so, what made you stop going in the first place. If not, why didn't you go from the very beginning?
Maybe you could ask her coach about this? See if there is more going on than what she is saying...
Otherwise, if she's just being a typical self conscious 11 year old, this phase will probably pass as she gets a little more mature.
Have you all attended her games/practices before now? If so, what made you stop going in the first place. If not, why didn't you go from the very beginning?
Maybe you could ask her coach about this? See if there is more going on than what she is saying...
Otherwise, if she's just being a typical self conscious 11 year old, this phase will probably pass as she gets a little more mature.
No, the main difference is that she's competing for the state championships to get into a national comp. - I never go to practices other than drop off pick up.. never really go to regular games either.
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I feel both ways about it..
