Older Boy Asked My 8-Year Old Daughter to "Go out with him" (teenagers, smart)
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I have two children--not a daughter, but I wouldn't treat a girl differently anyway.
Even if what you say about "timeframes" is the case--and even if the boy is "emotionally" a fifth grader--I simply do not see where the potential for harm lies. Besides, isn't it better for your kids to be friends with kids who are older and perhaps wiser and might steer them away from trouble? Why are we so insistent on developmental congruity in relationships generally, that we don't see the folly of the "blind leading the blind"?
Think I mentioned it earlier, but this kid does NOT have a track record of steering away from trouble necessarily and, to be fair, it looks like the deck might be stacked against him seeing he doesn't seem to have much in the way of a positive male role-model....
No problem with my 8 year old daughter hanging out with a 10 year old girl as FRIENDS.
And not to seem condescending, but how do you know you wouldn't feel differently regarding all of this with a daughter?
Bottom line is I'm trying not to make a big deal out of all of this because I don't want my daughter to have her interest piqued by something that she "isn't allowed to do" and such... She is handling it great herself at the moment and, as I mentioned earlier, does not really have any interest in this boy anyway.... Again my concern is more with this boy continuing his pursuit (as he is currently) and then this year (5th grade) being armed with "sex ed" information that his track record shows he will have NO problem imparting to the younger kids in the neighborhood...
I think the likely course of action we've decided on is to just mention it to the boy's mother that its cool that the kids are friends, but this "pursuit" of my 8 year old daughter needs to stop if they are going to continue to play together...
And not to seem condescending, but how do you know you wouldn't feel differently regarding all of this with a daughter?
Because I feel not just indifference, but positive contempt, for attitudes like that.
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Bottom line is I'm trying not to make a big deal out of all of this because I don't want my daughter to have her interest piqued by something that she "isn't allowed to do" and such...
That's a wise choice, and it goes without saying that if the boy moves on to anything resembling coercion, that would be the appropriate time for action.
Because I feel not just indifference, but positive contempt, for attitudes like that.
Don't really care how you "feel" about it, honestly. Easy to claim that you would let a father's natural protective feelings toward his daughter fall by the wayside in such a situation based on pure conjecture.
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Originally Posted by djacques
That's a wise choice, and it goes without saying that if the boy moves on to anything resembling coercion, that would be the appropriate time for action.
Oh absolutely. The thing that I'm treading lightly on is that my daughter is being very open about what is going on and I want that to continue. If I make too big of a deal about it she may not feel like telling me things in the future... (ugh, its like a game... LOL!! )
Don't really care how you "feel" about it, honestly. Easy to claim that you would let a father's natural protective feelings toward his daughter fall by the wayside in such a situation based on pure conjecture.
It's not "natural" to feel differently about female offspring than male offspring in the way you describe, it is 100 percent cultural conditioning.
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Oh absolutely. The thing that I'm treading lightly on is that my daughter is being very open about what is going on and I want that to continue. If I make too big of a deal about it she may not feel like telling me things in the future... (ugh, its like a game... LOL!! )
You are absolutely correct on that. Better to keep your ears open than to scare her out of talking.
It's not "natural" to feel differently about female offspring than male offspring in the way you describe, it is 100 percent cultural conditioning.
You mean American culture?
I've been in some pretty remote places on the planet. I've seen the protective attitude fathers have towards daughters in cultures that are far, far removed from our own. I think it's instinctive.
I've been in some pretty remote places on the planet. I've seen the protective attitude fathers have towards daughters in cultures that are far, far removed from our own.
Sexist attitudes about daughters are present in many cultures, but not all. It's not even close to something innate to the species, to think daughters need to be handled differently than sons in the specific way the OP is talking about.
In certain Middle Eastern cultures, they are much more "protective" of daughters in terms of chastity, but woe to the daughters if they "dishonor" the family.
In China they kill female babies because they aren't as valuable.
There are all sorts of attitudes on this planet. There's nothing special about ours.
Think I mentioned it earlier, but this kid does NOT have a track record of steering away from trouble necessarily and, to be fair, it looks like the deck might be stacked against him seeing he doesn't seem to have much in the way of a positive male role-model....
No problem with my 8 year old daughter hanging out with a 10 year old girl as FRIENDS.
And not to seem condescending, but how do you know you wouldn't feel differently regarding all of this with a daughter?
Bottom line is I'm trying not to make a big deal out of all of this because I don't want my daughter to have her interest piqued by something that she "isn't allowed to do" and such... She is handling it great herself at the moment and, as I mentioned earlier, does not really have any interest in this boy anyway.... Again my concern is more with this boy continuing his pursuit (as he is currently) and then this year (5th grade) being armed with "sex ed" information that his track record shows he will have NO problem imparting to the younger kids in the neighborhood...
I think the likely course of action we've decided on is to just mention it to the boy's mother that its cool that the kids are friends, but this "pursuit" of my 8 year old daughter needs to stop if they are going to continue to play together...
The other thing you have to wonder is WHY is a 12 year old going after an 8 year old... those groups don't usually mix much when it's that different in ages.
The other thing you have to wonder is WHY is a 12 year old going after an 8 year old... those groups don't usually mix much when it's that different in ages.
If the boy is in fifth grade he would be about 10.
The other thing you have to wonder is WHY is a 12 year old going after an 8 year old... those groups don't usually mix much when it's that different in ages.
I thought the OP was talking about a 10 year old (5th grade).
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