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It is funny how you can go through life trying in vain to please everyone. I have spent most of my life doing that. I guess, as southern women, we are taught to take care of our family and put them before ourselves. We are taught that we are secondary to the life that we have created and the person whom we chose to marry. When I look back at the lives of family members and friends, I find myself asking: Is that kind of thinking a recipe for disaster?
thanks
Last edited by JustJulia; 06-30-2012 at 12:40 PM..
Reason: brand-new members may not post links, sorry
It is funny how you can go through life trying in vain to please everyone. I have spent most of my life doing that. I guess, as southern women, we are taught to take care of our family and put them before ourselves. We are taught that we are secondary to the life that we have created and the person whom we chose to marry. When I look back at the lives of family members and friends, I find myself asking: Is that kind of thinking a recipe for disaster?
thanks
I useto be like this when I was married….Went to school, got a degree, still raised the boy and worked the college scheduled around the child.
I was still working 40 plus a week and coming home, cleaning bathrooms, bedrooms, washing clothes every night, making dinner whether or not anybody ate.
My sister does the same.
I think we got the ethics from mom. Except our mom did not have a outside job.
Yet the responsibility still laid on us the dub “Superwomen”
Now? After being divorced 7 years? And finally finding a good man to embark on this task with me?
No longer killing myself and running myself into the ground to do this.
I find if I had a long day and the house looks clean? The dishes are done? I defrosted dinner I froze over the weekend? Or ordered a pizza/ I was not evil and still a good woman and mom.
I learned that a good man will help around the house beig that I work a f/t job and make good money he can help as well. I got over my guilt quickly.
Last edited by JustJulia; 07-02-2012 at 08:05 PM..
If women act like this they bring it on themselves. If the laundry does not get put away by 3 PM life will go on. Put it away later. Teach your kids to clean up after themselves. If you have finished the dishes and your husband has a dirty dish he can take care of it himself.
You won't be a slave if you don't make yourself into one.
"As a mother, do you ever feel like you are a modern-day slave and your spouse and children are the slave masters? Do you feel like you spend all your time reverting back to those days of enslavement every time, you hear, “Mommy!”"
If you do, you have no one to blame but your self. Put on your big girl panties and set some limits.
Yes, I feel that way and today I feel very resentful about it.
I'm not married but living with my 16 year old son and 90 year old father that moved in with us two years ago.
Both are quite capable of putting dishes in the dishwasher, washing a load of clothes; picking up ~ but it falls to me. Everything falls to me; cooking; meal planning; yardwork; all the millions of things that go wrong in this big house; two dogs . . . and I still find myself driving to 3 different places on the rare nights I pick up some take out.
I think that I'm going back to bed; shut my door and let them fend for themselves.
I am sick of being Mommy to an almost grown man and an elderly man that likes to have things done for him.
Sick of it!
I get up at 5:00 am on the week-days to work out because that is my ONLY free time. 7:30 am on Saturdays.
So, so, so sick of this and not sure I arrived at this place.
Yes, I feel that way and today I feel very resentful about it.
I'm not married but living with my 16 year old son and 90 year old father that moved in with us two years ago.
Both are quite capable of putting dishes in the dishwasher, washing a load of clothes; picking up ~ but it falls to me. Everything falls to me; cooking; meal planning; yardwork; all the millions of things that go wrong in this big house; two dogs . . . and I still find myself driving to 3 different places on the rare nights I pick up some take out.
I think that I'm going back to bed; shut my door and let them fend for themselves.
I am sick of being Mommy to an almost grown man and an elderly man that likes to have things done for him.
Sick of it!
I get up at 5:00 am on the week-days to work out because that is my ONLY free time. 7:30 am on Saturdays.
So, so, so sick of this and not sure I arrived at this place.
I will grant you that a 90yo father is hard to set limits with. Maybe time to let him know that there is such a thing as a nursing home. But if it "falls" to you with your son, it is because you have allowed it.
So, so, so sick of this and not sure I arrived at this place.
You can't do much about your father, but your son is your doing. Is there anything wrong with your 16 year old son that he cannot do a load of laundry, or clean up the kitchen?
You can't do much about your father, but your son is your doing. Is there anything wrong with your 16 year old son that he cannot do a load of laundry, or clean up the kitchen?
If he is living in your house you surely can or he can find his own place. Unless dad is to the point he can't help himself of course then there isn't much you can do.
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