Do you spank your kids? (autism, 3 years old, tantrum, generations)

[nat_at772]

Originally Posted by mommy2b

Someone comented that spanking is not hitting. What in the name of baby's r us is the difference

I would think of hitting as punching. The difference between spanking and hitting is probably a mental concept; if a woman told me her husband slapped her - I'd think he slapped her across her face. If she told me he hit her - I'd think he punched her in the eye. I'm not saying slapping is not as bad as hitting, just trying to illustrate the difference. If a kid told me "my mom spanked me" I'd asked what they did, did they know it was wrong, did they understand why they were spanked,etc. If a kid told me "my mom hit me" I'd ask what they mean by hit...I don't know - the two words just bear different meanings in my mind....I bet that's so confusing

[knowing&learning]

Yea i know the whole 9 year old thing. I am 16 and my little sister is 9yrs old. We live with my dad only and he is having so much touble with her. She is extremely naughty. The talking to her thing...is IMPOSSIBLE! With out a doubt...i repeat IMPOSSIBLE! When asked to do something she complains about it or screams and throws a tantrum. My dad has always yelled a lot and i think she has taken it from him. It's tough and I can't train both of them to act in a reasonable manner. I know that my dad is crap with his method's of discipline. He is 62 and i am more the head of the house than he is. When he has had enough of my little sister bugging him, hecomes to me and complains about it. I don't want to have to manage them. My sister gives my dad very little space and she kinda dictates what goes on. Its crazy and i am getting soo sick of it. I mean she is just REALLY REALLY bad. Urgh...*sigh* Oh and when we talk to her...even when i talk to her...she covers her ears and says "DONT TALK TO ME". Dude im 16...why the hell didnt i get to get away with that! I didnt have my naughty stage or my crAzY teenager stage. Guh!! =)

[djacques]

Originally Posted by mommy2b

Really? Why not sitting down and talking to them and making them understand the difference between right and wrong and finding out the reason 4 their behavior

Because often the "reason" for their behavior is no more complicated than that doing the wrong thing is easier than doing the right thing.

The whole purpose of punishments is to tip the balance of the scales a little more in favor of doing the right thing.

[jdawg288]

yeah..... uh..... if you hit ur kid in any way you need to realize it's hitting.. no matter what ****ing excuse u use i bet in the old days they wouldnt care if you said hitting it's just now people think it's wrong so you have to try and cover up for it CUZ IT IS WRONG gosh.. seriously.. ugh i really want to hurt adults right now >>

[yukiko11]

I got spanked as a kid until I was about 4 years old. Because I was a strong personality, I refused to cry when I was spanked, but I understood the message.
That wasn't enough for my psycho mother. She wanted me to suffer and cry and beg for mercy so the spanking escalated to beating me with my father's belt and kneeling on sugar cubes until my knees bled. I am 58 and still have scars from both.
When I left home it was trying to get me fired from my jobs and trying to get my landlord to evict me and offering my husband money to divorce me and trying to make my best friend hate me. Nobody listened. Thank God they knew me and thought she was crazy. She just couldn't get any satisfaction. In the end I abandoned her and left her to die alone as did my father one day before he died..
Parents, please never spank your children unless they know that it is the consequence of their actions and never dole out any punishment for your own pleasure or when you are not in control of your emotions.

[jbar]

Goodness yukiko...that's abuse for sure. Definitely a BIG difference from discipline!...any parent who gets "pleasure" from spanking their kids is off the deep end if you ask me...nothing enjoyable about it.

[Charles22]

At what age if any should I stop spanking my daughters?

My daughters can get a bit sassy like their mother and I frequently find my self spanking their bare bottoms in order to keep them contrite and compliant...

Is there an age limit for spankings?

[jbar]

I know i'm getting into a debate here and probably won't follow up on the replies, but here goes:

To me, the difference between a mild spanking and "hitting" as many like to call it, is control. Thinking a swat and a punch/beating are the same thing is so illogical it's really difficult to reasonably respond.

A really good talking to followed by a couple of mild swats on the fanny as an attention getter is not abusive, it doesn't teach them that they can hit to resolve issues (unless you're excessive and quick-triggered about it), and it doesn't create deviants.....it only teaches them that if they act up enough and ignore the other warnings that should usually come first (time out, etc), that this slightly embarassing last resort is always out there as an option.

I didn't get spanked much as a kid...had to do something either dangerous to my safety or others...or work toward it over a series of days and ignore various other less invasive discipline checkpoints. But, when that rare occasion occurred, it always really got my attention...and it wasn't the sting (which was never a big deal at all)....it was just the whole experience of being "taken down a slight notch or two" in the ego department. I noticed more blushing than stinging...and always got a hug afterward for goodness sake...never once felt "abused".

I got more "paddlings" at school over the years than I got at home and no harm was done there either...although, as an adult i'll have to admit that this day in age, i'd prefer a note from the teacher and let the parents make that call. Regardless of a teacher's efforts, unless the parents are involved...that's really useless in the greater scheme of things. My folks rarely found out about these little events and that wasn't right. Also, who can really be trusted that much these days?...for us, it's nobody but us...and a few very immediate family members who share babysitting duties.

I think things would be alot different today with kids if we hadn't gotten so extreme in our ideals over the last 20 years or so as to think that all physical discipline is abusive. Time out and such just doesn't always work...depends on the kid...and only the individual parent knows. There are few "always" or "never"s.

I know they'll be alot of you who disagree and that's o.k if something else is working well with your kids...that's great!...it certainly shouldn't be a quick triggered response...but when nothing else is getting through and you know that you are capable of doing it the correct way...it isn't necessarily abusive and it doesn't have to imply that "hitting" is o.k.

Those general arguments are stale and worn out frankly....just look at what's going on in the world with our kids...why have things changed so much for the worse since we all began taking discipline out of the equation and started "reasoning" with little Johnny over and over and over with no reinforcement?...think about it. That experiment has had about a 2-decade trial and has failed miserably in more cases than not. We have to wake up and stop being so "black & white" with regard to forms of discipline or things are going to get even worse...may be too late already to reverse the bad impact...but, I hope not.

Thanks for reading.

[mrs1885]

All kids are different. All people are different. When used properly as discipline when all else has failed, spanking works.

I've got 2 kids that have only been spanked a couple times. I've got 2 that seem like they needed it multiple times a day. I've got one that's had a few here and there.

For the most part, child one and child four you can talk to and explain and there's no issue. For child two, most of the time that works, but occasionally a spanking was needed.

For child three and five.................. oh boy. They were my challenges. I did everything else first, but as a last resort when nothing else worked, they got their backside tanned and it worked. There were immediate results and an end to whatever the problem was.

And for the record, I was like child three and five.

[Lizali]

If your boss does spank you, you could sue him for bodily injury.