Siblings without kids (babysitter, baby, parents, activities)
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I have kids now, but for a very long time I was the sibling without kids (started way late in life). Yes, my parents treated my sibs a bit different after they has kids. In particular, they visited them more often, especially for holidays and such. It wasn't to be with my siblings specifically, but to be with the grand kids (which I totally understand)
Our siblings have kids now, but my SIL had hers years before we did, and my sister is having them years after we did. I didn't "get it" when my SIL had kids and we didn't. When visiting there was never any adult time. Everything revolved around my niece and nephew. I'm sure my sister felt the same when we had ours.
The hardest thing is watching both my sister and my SIL parent differently than we do. It makes it hard to visit when their rules differ from our rules.
My sister doesn't have kids and probably never will.
I feel like my mom for many years was trying to make this up to my sister, as if I had created a situation that needed fixing. Not sure if this makes sense.
I have one sibling, a sister, who will probably never have kids. Didn't change our relationship.
My mom has always kinda treated me different, as I've always been very high maintenance and, I'm a brat. Lol My mom adores and misses her only grandkids. She, my dad, and sis are in Ohio, I moved to Utah.
My brother started his family seven years before I did, even though he's younger than me. (We started really late.) Part of those seven years, I wasn't married. The expectations were different for me. Bro and family could plead "the kids" and skip out of certain obligations, b/c I was the one who would come "home" for Christmas, etc. When I got married and moved to Colorado, (rents lived in PA), that all changed, and my sister-in-law was a little surprised that the burden was on them a little more to see to it that my parents had someone to be with on holidays, etc.
I am the sibling that had children a lot later than my Sister and Brother. We all live in different states, so my parents would visit Sister and Brother a bit more often that me when I didn't have kids. I don't really have a relationship with my Brother, but my Sister and I have always been pretty close, so me not having kids didn't change that relationship.
I now have a wonderful 10 year old daughter and my parents try to spread their time equally between all of us.
My family had this discussion not too long ago. I only have one brother who never married or had kids and we agreed that if he had then all of our lives would have been different. The family dynamics would have changed. I'm not saying for better or worse but I wish it would have happened that way. My family is small and not having any other people in the mix has limiited us.
The fact that I have children and my sister doesn't has definately affected our relationship. In fact, we haven't talked in almost 2 years because I had the nerve to defend my oldest daughter to my sister. Unfortunately, my sib is one of those people who thinks they know how to do it best, even if they've never walked in your shoes. Getting parenting advice forced on you from a non-parent is annoying to me.
My parents do spend more time with my family because we have their only grandkids. They want to spend time with our children before they are grown up. They spend more money on my family (children) during holidays and birthdays despite my sisters insistance that my Mom spend equal amounts on her dogs (because they are her "children").
Now, on the flip side... I do get a jealous when my parents go snowmobiling for the weekend with my sister and BIL. Or when they go out to the casino or the spa or any of the other activities that aren't children friendly. Not because my parents are spending time with my sister, but because I WANT TO GO TOO!
Sometimes I think I must be the only person in the world who 'understood' people with children before I had any of my own. I never expected my siblings lives to go on unchanged after they had children. I never expected them to "just get a babysitter" or whatever so they could do everything they used to do. I visited them because it was easier. I helped them get to parties, or throw parties when a spouse was working. I babysat or just hung out there to play with the kids. You don't actually have to have a baby in order to understand that they take time and that a person's priorities must shift.
I have several siblings and their children are all older than mine. The ones who were more selfish did seem to expect the world to always revolve around their children. But before they had kids they expected the world to revolve around them. Now that I have a small child they give me no consideration at all so it is pretty funny and it's affecting my relationship with them now. My Mom never treated me differently when they all had kids and I didn't. I think sometimes she felt she didn't have to watch her words with me as carefully as with my siblings. Sadly she passed before I had my son.
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