Parenting choices and respect (wife, problem, working, opinion)
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I see this a lot because of where I live. When it's people in my neighborhood or I see it on the internet or on TV, I just laugh at the stupidity. Then there are the ones I'm related to... Them I have to deal with. I'd love to understand what makes them tick. To me, it looks like so much self edifying blather. There is no real reason to think that SAH is some better kind of parenthood let alone something society should pay homage to. When I look around, I see parents at home and parents who work who are raising great kids, keeping their homes and have pleasant lives. Given that our kids don't turn out different, this is just a personal choice. Why make so much out of it? Why try to get yourself patted on the back for it? I don't get it.
My gut says that this attitude is either arrogance or justification for SAH since it's no longer needed because of workloads like it was in the past. When I'm not related to them, I just dismiss them. When I am, well, that's another story.
I'm trying to figure out what makes women like the ones in that group you talked about tick. Is it what it appears to be?? Just so much self edifying BS? Justification for not working when working might actually be better for the family (I see a lot of the sacrifice to SAH type here and I want to smack them for makng their kids do without so they can SAH but I'm not related to them so I just shake my head while the secretaries at the school slip food into their kid's back packs so they can eat after school.)
The women I was talking about we're very upper middle class. There was no reason for them to work. At all.
This is not intended to turn into a debate. I'm looking to understand a viewpoint. Something that I keep running into, over and over, IRL and in the media, for years, is that stay at home moms want to be recognized for staying home with their kids. I don't see working moms or dads wanting recognition for being parents or what they do when home with their kids. I, myself, view myself as being obligated to society to raise my kids well because I chose to have them, and, someday, I will release them into society. I don't see myself as doing society any favors because I had kids because society did not need me to have them (given the over population of the planet, society would have rather I had passed...IMO the childless by choice are the ones who do society a favor in this venue). So, why do SAHM's think they deserve a pat on the back for being SAHM's by society in general? I can see them wanting recognition from their dh's and children and their dh's should appreciate coming home to a clean house and a hot meal and having their workload reduced because she's home to handle things he'd have to pitch in with otherwise but I don't get thinking that society should somehow honor them above other parents.
Can anyone explain this?
Sometimes a group of people want speak out because they want to defend their position. What is so wrong with sticking up for yourself?
Sometimes a group of people want speak out because they want to defend their position. What is so wrong with sticking up for yourself?
It's not sticking up for yourself when you claim you are the better parent. What's wrong is they put others down to build themselves up.
The group I'm talking about presents SAH as a better brand of parenthood when it isn't. I'm talking about women who think they deserve a pat on the back, not deserved by other parents, for staying home. They act like what they do is better than what everyone else does.
Disclaimer: Most SAHM's I know are not like this and seem as baffled as I am at the ones who are. I understand the largest group in my area because this is what their religion teaches. This group only bugs me becasue they make their kids do without things like school supplies in order to SAH and they will take WIC and Welfare in order to SAH (You have every right to SAH but you do not have the right to take money out of my paycheck to do it. Not having to work for a living is a luxury not an entitlement.) The other group that bugs me is family and they're harder to dismiss.
What I'm trying to figure out is if I'm misreading this. To me, this appears so much self edifying blather. It sounds like grasping at straws in an attempt to justify not working for a living. I'm not sure why they feel the need to justify not working, if this is the case (It sure looks that way). If you can afford to not work and you don't want to work, then don't work. I just don't get thinking anyone should pat you on the back for that.
I have one family member who is more and more extreme in her views the longer she stays home. I'm guessing she's always been of this mindset and has just gotten bolder with her mouth over the years. I'd love to get inside her head and figure out why she's that way.
Last edited by Ivorytickler; 01-20-2012 at 05:54 AM..
The group I'm talking about presents SAH as a better brand of parenthood when it isn't. I'm talking about women who think they deserve a pat on the back, not deserved by other parents, for staying home. They act like what they do is better than what everyone else does.
Disclaimer: Most SAHM's I know are not like this and seem as baffled as I am at the ones who are. I understand the largest group in my area because this is what their religion teaches. This group only bugs me becasue they make their kids do without things like school supplies in order to SAH and they will take WIC and Welfare in order to SAH (You have every right to SAH but you do not have the right to take money out of my paycheck to do it. Not having to work for a living is a luxury not an entitlement.) The other group that bugs me is family and they're harder to dismiss.
So they defend their position poorly. There are consequences for doing so.
That's a question you should be asking yourself. Why would ANYONE question the motives of another parent? ANYONE would include you.
I'm not questioning what they do. I don't care if someone wants to stay home. What I'm questioning is why some SAHM's think that society owes them a pat on the back for it. You're mixing up issues here. If someone can afford not to work and doesn't want to work, more power to them. It's their life. What I'm asking is why some think they are superior for making the choice to not work. I'm talking about SAHM's who think society owes them some kind of recognition for being SAHM's as if being a SAHM is, somehow, a better brand of parenthood.
I don't care what your motives are for SAH. I'm asking why some SAHM's think they deserve special recognition for SAH. These are two different issues.
I'm not questioning what they do. I don't care if someone wants to stay home. What I'm questioning is why some SAHM's think that society owes them a pat on the back for it. You're mixing up issues here. If someone can afford not to work and doesn't want to work, more power to them. It's their life. What I'm asking is why some think they are superior for making the choice to not work. I'm talking about SAHM's who think society owes them some kind of recognition for being SAHM's as if being a SAHM is, somehow, better than being a WM.
You have put down women who SAH more times than I can count. I have yet to see any evidence that women who SAH are whining about lacking respect in large numbers. Your DIL and a few religious zealots in your neighborhood are hardly representative of some huge trend.
So they defend their position poorly. There are consequences for doing so.
Yes, and they're bad. Especially for their kids.
I'm thinking I have this right. That it's just self edifying BS and justifying not working. I'll assume their reasons for feeling they need to justify not working are personal. Unfortunately, this leaves me where I started. Just ignoring certain family members.
I guess cutting arrogant people out of your life isn't a bad thing even if they are family. I don't like it though. It cuts the kids out too.
You have put down women who SAH more times than I can count. I have yet to see any evidence that women who SAH are whining about lacking respect in large numbers. Your DIL and a few religious zealots in your neighborhood are hardly representative of some huge trend.
Nope. I have defended WM's. You're reading into my posts if you think they put down SAHM's. I have pointed out that our kids turn out the same and the number one predictor of success is SES which WM's impact, in a positive way, for their families. These statements are in no way a put down to SAHM's. Not every family needs a WM to have a decent SES. Many do. When you do, you work and you hold your head high because you are benefitting your family and that's what good mothers do. It's a matter of what each family needs. If they don't need mom working, then she has a choice to make. If they do, she works.
I'm not questioning what they do. I don't care if someone wants to stay home. What I'm questioning is why some SAHM's think that society owes them a pat on the back for it. You're mixing up issues here. If someone can afford not to work and doesn't want to work, more power to them. It's their life. What I'm asking is why some think they are superior for making the choice to not work. I'm talking about SAHM's who think society owes them some kind of recognition for being SAHM's as if being a SAHM is, somehow, a better brand of parenthood.
I don't care what your motives are for SAH. I'm asking why some SAHM's think they deserve special recognition for SAH. These are two different issues.
You are right. Those are different issues. However, when a SAHM gives her reason for why she wants special recognition, do you try to convince her why she shouldn't? Don't you see why the "defensiveness" might continue?
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Them I have to deal with. I'd love to understand what makes them tick. To me, it looks like so much self edifying blather. There is no real reason to think that SAH is some better kind of parenthood let alone something society should pay homage to. When I look around, I see parents at home and parents who work who are raising great kids, keeping their homes and have pleasant lives. Given that our kids don't turn out different, this is just a personal choice. Why make so much out of it? Why try to get yourself patted on the back for it? I don't get it.
