Parenting choices and respect (day care, meal, SAHM, baby)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
This is not intended to turn into a debate. I'm looking to understand a viewpoint. Something that I keep running into, over and over, IRL and in the media, for years, is that stay at home moms want to be recognized for staying home with their kids. I don't see working moms or dads wanting recognition for being parents or what they do when home with their kids. I, myself, view myself as being obligated to society to raise my kids well because I chose to have them, and, someday, I will release them into society. I don't see myself as doing society any favors because I had kids because society did not need me to have them (given the over population of the planet, society would have rather I had passed...IMO the childless by choice are the ones who do society a favor in this venue). So, why do SAHM's think they deserve a pat on the back for being SAHM's by society in general? I can see them wanting recognition from their dh's and children and their dh's should appreciate coming home to a clean house and a hot meal and having their workload reduced because she's home to handle things he'd have to pitch in with otherwise but I don't get thinking that society should somehow honor them above other parents.
This is not intended to turn into a debate. I'm looking to understand a viewpoint. Something that I keep running into, over and over, IRL and in the media, for years, is that stay at home moms want to be recognized for staying home with their kids. I don't see working moms or dads wanting recognition for being parents or what they do when home with their kids. I, myself, view myself as being obligated to society to raise my kids well because I chose to have them, and, someday, I will release them into society. I don't see myself as doing society any favors because I had kids because society did not need me to have them (given the over population of the planet, society would have rather I had passed...IMO the childless by choice are the ones who do society a favor in this venue). So, why do SAHM's think they deserve a pat on the back for being SAHM's by society in general? I can see them wanting recognition from their dh's and children and their dh's should appreciate coming home to a clean house and a hot meal and having their workload reduced because she's home to handle things he'd have to pitch in with otherwise but I don't get thinking that society should somehow honor them above other parents.
Can anyone explain this?
If you don't want a debate are we just supposed to agree with you?
You are generalizing greatly here. Do some SAHM's want validation for their choices? Probably. Do some working moms want validation for their choices? Probably. SAHM's make the choice or decision to stay home for many and varied reasons. Working moms make to decision to work for many and varied reasons. It is impossible to lump either group all together.
One point I will take exception with is one you of fond of making, which is that being a SAHM somehow revolves around housework.
This is not intended to turn into a debate. I'm looking to understand a viewpoint. Something that I keep running into, over and over, IRL and in the media, for years, is that stay at home moms want to be recognized for staying home with their kids. I don't see working moms or dads wanting recognition for being parents or what they do when home with their kids. I, myself, view myself as being obligated to society to raise my kids well because I chose to have them, and, someday, I will release them into society. I don't see myself as doing society any favors because I had kids because society did not need me to have them (given the over population of the planet, society would have rather I had passed...IMO the childless by choice are the ones who do society a favor in this venue). So, why do SAHM's think they deserve a pat on the back for being SAHM's by society in general? I can see them wanting recognition from their dh's and children and their dh's should appreciate coming home to a clean house and a hot meal and having their workload reduced because she's home to handle things he'd have to pitch in with otherwise but I don't get thinking that society should somehow honor them above other parents.
Can anyone explain this?
I've often heard it the other way; not that stay at home moms feel they deserve recognition from society, but that moms who go out and get jobs are in the wrong. Either way, part of it comes from the idea that children who are rarely left with babysitters or at day care turn out better in some way than those who are left with them frequently. That being watched constantly by your parent = a stronger bond with your parent, which means less likelihood of joining a gang or being sexually promiscuous later on (I myself am not a subscriber of this view).
Also, the want for recognition comes from pride, and pride can ironically come from someone else saying what you're doing is wrong. I think mothers in general are judged no matter what they do here. Even stay at home moms at this point are sometimes ridiculed for their choice. So this may be PART OF why you may occasionally find a warped sense of entitlement; it's a roundabout way of defending themselves.
"I can see them wanting recognition from their dh's and children and their dh's should appreciate coming home to a clean house and a hot meal and having their workload reduced because she's home to handle things he'd have to pitch in with otherwise but I don't get thinking that society should somehow honor them above other parents."
It is the misunderstanding that someone like yourself has as to why the mother has made a choice to be a stay-at-home mom. I was able to provide a clean house, hot meal and reduce my husband's workload while working full-time when our 2 boys were both at home. I also made time to spend with the kids in the evening and on the weekends. So, I worked two full-time jobs: outside the home and as a mother/wife.
It sounds to me like you resent the stay-at-home moms for some reason.
If you do some of your cleaning before work, put your laundry in the washer, put a meal in the crockpot and then go to work then come home put the clothes in the dryer or have one of the kids do it and the clothes should be dry by the time you get the meal ate/served/cleaned up after. You can sort the clothes together and everyone can put their own away.
You don't have to stay at home to be a good mom, you either are or you aren't. And those, like yourself, are the ones the stay-at-moms are tired of in that you minimize what role they play.
"I can see them wanting recognition from their dh's and children and their dh's should appreciate coming home to a clean house and a hot meal and having their workload reduced because she's home to handle things he'd have to pitch in with otherwise but I don't get thinking that society should somehow honor them above other parents."
It is the misunderstanding that someone like yourself has as to why the mother has made a choice to be a stay-at-home mom. I was able to provide a clean house, hot meal and reduce my husband's workload while working full-time when our 2 boys were both at home. I also made time to spend with the kids in the evening and on the weekends. So, I worked two full-time jobs: outside the home and as a mother/wife.
It sounds to me like you resent the stay-at-home moms for some reason.
If you do some of your cleaning before work, put your laundry in the washer, put a meal in the crockpot and then go to work then come home put the clothes in the dryer or have one of the kids do it and the clothes should be dry by the time you get the meal ate/served/cleaned up after. You can sort the clothes together and everyone can put their own away.
You don't have to stay at home to be a good mom, you either are or you aren't. And those, like yourself, are the ones the stay-at-moms are tired of in that you minimize what role they play.
A woman's place is in the kitchen... and the workplace, the doctor's office, the grocery store, the bank, the kid's school, the rest of the house, the OTHER kid's school...
Where are you hearing this? I have never heard this. I have heard it on the other side where working moms want recognition because they "work so much harder". Can you give specific examples?
This is not intended to turn into a debate. I'm looking to understand a viewpoint. Something that I keep running into, over and over, IRL and in the media, for years, is that stay at home moms want to be recognized for staying home with their kids. I don't see working moms or dads wanting recognition for being parents or what they do when home with their kids.
I think the part you're missing is that they want (whoever wants it, not every SAHM) to be recognized for the work they do, over and above parenting the kids - just like some people who work outside the home want to be recognized (and frequently are) for the work they do outside the home, over and above parenting the kids.
If you have a career outside the house, with colleagues and bosses and even incentives and rewards, there's an inbuilt sense that people are recognizing and respecting your contribution to your job.
Not really so on the whole for SAHM's. Now I don't think it bothers every SAHM, but for Moms (and Dads) who were formally in the workplace and were used to some kind of recognition, it may be a difficult adjustment to exist in the somewhat invisible world of SAHParenting. Plus there's a certain perception that any old person can do it, that it doesn't take any special talents - which is not true IMO - and that also may be difficult for somebody who's excelled above their peers in some way or another.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
I, myself, view myself as being obligated to society to raise my kids well because I chose to have them, and, someday, I will release them into society. I don't see myself as doing society any favors because I had kids because society did not need me to have them (given the over population of the planet, society would have rather I had passed...IMO the childless by choice are the ones who do society a favor in this venue). So, why do SAHM's think they deserve a pat on the back for being SAHM's by society in general? I can see them wanting recognition from their dh's and children and their dh's should appreciate coming home to a clean house and a hot meal and having their workload reduced because she's home to handle things he'd have to pitch in with otherwise but I don't get thinking that society should somehow honor them above other parents.
Can anyone explain this?
I don't think they want to be honored "above other parents". Where do you get that idea? I think they just don't want to be treated like they don't matter at all.
Which is just human nature. People do want a pat on the back, for the most part. To be appreciated is to make all the mundane worthwhile.
There is only a tiny segment of the population who even thinks about this. If you have kids and work, other women who stay at home say snarky things to make you feel you are not being an attentive mom. If you are a SAHM, women who work say snarky things to make you feel you must be shallow and boring since you don't have a career.
The vast majority of the population are just trying to get through their own situations and could not care less whether others are staying at home or going to work.
Women who are insecure about their choices in life like to beat up on other women. Plain and simple. This is a non-issue. If you can afford to be a SAHM, good for you! If you choose to have a career, good for you!
And most of all, good luck to every parent out there, trying to figure out how to make their lives work.
The bottom line is . . . who cares? It is no one else's business what anyone does w/ his/her life.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
