A son is a son 'til he takes him a wife (meal, teens)
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How did that night out go, Squirl? Feeling any better?
Ya know, my friends and I were having so much fun talking about our clients (we all work as consultants) and then I was sharing a new concept I'd developed in a project I am working on right now. And we were all so inspired by everyone's contributions to that discussion and other topics, I realized by the end of the evening I never even mentioned my DIL but enjoyed a stimulating evening with people who I value and who enjoy my company.... and seem to find me interesting and fun. That evening -- and venting on this forum -- was just the ticket! I am not perfect and I am sure I have done and said things to irritate and offend my DIL over the years....as she has done to me 10x over. I am an experienced DIL myself and I have always extended kindness and acceptance to my MILs. Her loss if she rejects my friendship, my son's foolishness if he denies himself the relationship he used to love with his mom. My sadness, but I will get over it and enjoy the people who want to spend time with me. And I will find ways to stay in my granddaughter's life! I'm fine, and thanks for asking.
You're welcome. You can always vent on C-D. I hope things improve in your relationships, and that you can love on that gd of yours this holiday season and many, many more to come.
Maybe not......I made that offer regarding parenting classes when my son phoned me complaining about quarrels they were having over differences in techniques of disciplining their child and was asking my opinion. Its hard in a post to be clear about the all surrounding circumstances.
So, do you think a grandmother should just keep quiet when a 6 year old is consistently staying up until 3am on weekends and then is up at 9am eating chocolate pop tarts?....
Yes. Yes yes yes yes yes. For better or for worse, she is not your child.
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I have not addressed this weekend issue.....just said other kids' school night bedtime is 8pm, not 10pm, and kids need lots of sleep.... What's a grandmother to do???
If you read the thread -- tho I know there's lots of posts by now -- you would have read that my son phoned me and asked my opinion to which I responded that I was no expert but if they as a couple were at odds with eachother over childrearing issues I'd gladly pay for parenting classes and babysit if they needed it to go to the classes.
I have read the thread. The person who advised you to avoid any advice between son and DIL hit the nail right on the head.
I have also read your posts about your not agreeing with the way they do things. I would bet quite a bit that your disapproval is Loud and Clear.
I have read the thread. The person who advised you to avoid any advice between son and DIL hit the nail right on the head.
I have also read your posts about your not agreeing with the way they do things. I would bet quite a bit that your disapproval is Loud and Clear.
Yep! You're probably right...... however, I can (and DO) keep my mouth shut but on this forum I can safely say they are awful parents who'd rather smoke weed and watch TV than parent their kid... and even tho (here I go again with the money and this remark will get me several more mean jabs I'm sure) this gkid's college education is already prepaid by her grandma (bought it the year she was born thru our Texas Promise Fund), I doubt she'll ever use it because no sense of self-discipline or intellectual curiosity is being instilled in this child.. oh well....
.... doubt she'll ever use it because no sense of self-discipline or intellectual curiosity is being instilled in this child.. oh well....
See now? THAT'S what Grandma can be for! A little one on one time whispering in her ear. Reading great books with her. Trips to the zoo or museums or just out at the mall and Grandma is there explaining things to her and encouraging her curiosity.
Yeah. You get that in and she may just surprise you.
Yep! You're probably right...... however, I can (and DO) keep my mouth shut but on this forum I can safely say they are awful parents who'd rather smoke weed and watch TV than parent their kid...
LOL! I shouldn't laugh since obviously it isn't funny. But the way you said that struck my funny bone.
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and even tho (here I go again with the money and this remark will get me several more mean jabs I'm sure) this gkid's college education is already prepaid by her grandma (bought it the year she was born thru our Texas Promise Fund), I doubt she'll ever use it because no sense of self-discipline or intellectual curiosity is being instilled in this child.. oh well....
You never know. Sometimes kids rebel against their feebleness of their parents, not just strictness. In any event, it is a sad thing. But if you want a relationship with your son, you may have to see if you need to squelch the disapproval harder. Good luck.
See now? THAT'S what Grandma can be for! A little one on one time whispering in her ear. Reading great books with her. Trips to the zoo or museums or just out at the mall and Grandma is there explaining things to her and encouraging her curiosity.
Yeah. You get that in and she may just surprise you.
Yes we do that! However, she's always sooooo tired; doesn't like to walk in the zoo, falls asleep during the children's theatre productions I've taken her to, but we go to the library and take out books and read together and she loves helping me with dog rescue ....taking dogs to meet & greets and helping do home evaluations. She also likes walking dogs with me.....says she wants to be a vet some day (Yay!)
I feel very sorry for you! I have been in your shoes and this is how it was finally resolved.
First, I accepted the fact that my DIL's mother could give her "advice" and it was accepted. Mine was not welcome. My DIL missed out on breastfeeding because of this, I tried to teach her but she didn't want my advice so her milk would not flow and after 2 weeks her mother told her that it would be best to use formula. Long story made short, I never said another word, my grandson ended up having to be on almond milk for a year but it was their choice.
Second, I found out much later that she felt left out when my son would laugh with me. She didn't feel included if we talked about our funny stuff that had happened over the years. Fine, I quit talking about things and listened, laughed at the funny things that happened in her family.
Third, I was helping her with Thanksgiving dinner. She was cooking with all the handles on the pots sticking out and the baby running around in the kitchen. A notice from the gas company had just come out about the dangers of this and thinking she would be happy to learn this, I turned the handles in telling her about the notice that I had just received (very nicely, thinking I was helping), she proceeded to turn each one back out and I KNEW. I went into the living room and sat down. All done, I was the enemy.
The chocolate pie incident was the straw that broke the camels back.
When they were engaged, I taught her how to make all of my son's favorite things. One day she made "the chocolate pie" which my grandmother use to make and bring over when she would visit. Her (DIL's) "chocolate pie" turned out perfect and was SO good I could not quit thinking about it (really craving it) and a few weeks later I made it for our home. Just to be nice, I made 2 and took one over to their house when I came to babysit like my grandmother use to do.
Well she had this meltdown and started screaming at me that I was just trying to show her up. I was in shock. My mind doesn't even comprehend doing something like that.
I knew it was ALL over after that.
I waited for my son to call me, went over when invited and didn't get to have a close relationship with my grandchildren because she had it in her mind that I was the enemy even though I can honestly say that I never had any bad thoughts about her until she decided I was this horrible person that would do terrible things that it would never occur to me to do.
Years later I said ONE thing that ended her attitude.
I told her that she has TWO sons and would have TWO daughter in laws.
I told her that she should pray to God that hers would not be like mine or she should kiss her sons goodbye at the altar and not to get very excited about any future grandchildren.
She has treated me like a queen ever since.
Just want to add here that it is NOT always the big bad mother in law but there are a lot of DIL'S out there who have big problems with jealousy. The MIL is just an easy target.
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and I have always extended kindness and acceptance to my MILs. Her loss if she rejects my friendship, my son's foolishness if he denies himself the relationship he used to love with his mom. My sadness, but I will get over it and enjoy the people who want to spend time with me. And I will find ways to stay in my granddaughter's life! I'm fine, and thanks for asking. 
Maybe not......I made that offer regarding parenting classes when my son phoned me complaining about quarrels they were having over differences in techniques of disciplining their child and was asking my opinion. Its hard in a post to be clear about the all surrounding circumstances.
oh well....
