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Nana053 I agree there are different tantrums and this child is 5 yrs old that means he has just started realizing emotions within 5 yrs. There are adults that still do not know how to act in public better than this child it sounds. On the c that Nana 053 specifies-I let my 5 yr old know that he needs to come and sit down and take a time out because I do not like to see him get so upset. Your son is learning to cope with new situations even though he was in childcare prior it is a different situation at school and it sounds like you moved into new surroundings which can create havoc on a child also. He is a boy do not move him from gymnastics unless he does not want to go this might be the one constant he knows. Karate is good but interview the people in charge not every Grand Master is great my oldest took from someone and was told that he could not lay hand on anyone this was an issue since he was being bullied at school. Other GM's say this is the reason to take karate to stop the bullying and they promote to end the fight and use karate if they are being bullied. Whatever you do you are the parent and do what you think is right and take what we say with a grain of salt. We want what is best for our child but everyone is wired differently and ultimately we as the parents need to make the final decision. We all have our bad days, its just as adults we hopefully can remove ourselves from the situation. We as parents think we need to listen to everyone else instead of going with our gut feelings and letting children be children and love them for the good and bad-that unconditional love that they give us. If your son is not getting in trouble at school-you most likely are ok and it is a part of growing up and trying to deal/understand his emotions.
We've tried completely ignoring him, though, when he does that, and it's gotten worse -- that's why we switched gears to trying to help him calm himself down. And he does get positive attention from us, in the form of cuddling while reading a book, etc. But maybe not enough.
Thanks for all of the suggestions.
Fast forward thirteen years and you have my son. This is the time for action so that things don't escalate when he is much older and can do more harm to himself and others. Proper diagnosis is crutial. I took my son to therapists regarding his anger issues and unwillingness to discuss his feelings which obviously go hand in hand. He would just manipulate the therapist and us or just leave the room. I truly feel for you. I so hope you find the key to his issues as I don't want you to go through what I have with my son when he is enraged.
OP, I would like to give you a different perspective.
This may sound off the wall, but research exists to support the idea that children who behave like this are actually suffering from food intolerances, fluctuating blood sugar levels, even food allergies.
The first thing to look at is sugar, then refined carbohydrates.
My son went through something similar between 3 1/2 and 4 1/2....and when his bathroom issues were worked through he became a different person and we have never gone through it again.
B) Feeling afraid, angry or out of control and don't know how to handle those emotions.
For type B a good strategy is to sit with the child, hold him/her, talk to him/her etc. to help get through the emotions. Leaving a child alone in this situation just adds to the fear or anger. Another way to help is to teach him to breathe out his anger..
Quote:
Originally Posted by nana053
C) Not getting what the child wants and screaming, kicking, whining as a way to get that thing.
Type C tantrum is the one that you need to ignore, walk away from etc. It does help here to acknowledge what the child is feeling before walking away. *I see you are very angry because......* If this tantrum is severe, you may want to do the breathing with your child instead of the ignoring. Just don't give in and give them what they want.
Wait. The OP says when her son is angry, her husband holds him and talks through his emotions labeling his anger.
Most people responded that was giving him negative attention beecause his anger is a temper tantrum for not getting what he wants, etc.
I'm just trying to point out that there isn't much difference between B & C when anger is the emotion, except for the conflict responses "hold" and "ignore."
Since they have been doing B, the boy's tantrums have gotten worse, which is an indication that holding isn't the proper response to his anger.
If one of my kids was acting like this, I'm give a quick slap on the rear end and tell him to straighten up, but a time out might also work. The problem with giving a lot of time and attention as a reward for bad behavior is that it encourages bad behavior.
Totally agree - but I would add more. In my household this type of behavior would attract actual wrath and the child would surely get to see it. The slap on the butt would be more than firm and my attitude would be 0% accommodating. It would virtually guarantee the child will calm down, be it out of fear. I believe it is OK for kids to experience some fear when contemplating the consequences of savage-like behavior.
I completely disagree with this whole idea of "affirming anger" as trendy and "psychological" as it might be. Such reactions on the part of the parents only work to further accommodate, reward and reinforce bad behavior.
My son never had anger issues but he was a Master Whiner, Cryer and Manipulator to the point where you wanted to crawl into a corner and sink into the ground just stop hearing his lamentations and endless "push-your-buttons" attempts. NO "alternative" method of discipline worked on him. Until I realized it was time to adopt good ol' advice, as everything else failed: put the fear of God in him.
He is a delightful, rational and reasonable, loving, highly intelligent 6 yo now. And he did get it in his early childhood.
But then again, I am in the tiny minority on such issues.
He just gets so incredibly angry. It can be because we enforce a rule, don't give him what he wants right that second (or just say "no"), and sometimes even if we just ask him a question like "tell me about the kids in your class at school." He will clench his fists, turn red, SCREAM at the top of his lungs, sometimes throw things, sometimes try to hit us (he has been able to control this and will make like he's going to hit us but stop himself), and say he hates us or call us stupid.
Personally, I think he wants to be the boss. (I know this because when I was five I wanted to be the boss. Then, since the universe tends to believe in payback, I got a child who wanted to be the boss.)
Perfectly normal, healthy, intelligent children do everything your son is doing. And more. It used to be called a temper tantrum. Since I'm not up on the current literature I have no idea what it's called now. But temper tantrums were stopped in their tracks.
Your job, as Mom and Dad, is to let him know he is not the boss. And you absolutely have to let him know that the name calling is NOT going to happen. (If you don't stop this now, he'll be calling you stupid when he is 12.) It's a matter of respect.
He needs to learn you are the boss and he is the little boy, IMHO. (I'm feeling old right now. I'm so old school. I never said to my kids, "I understand you are upset." What I said was "Stop!" They're all grown up and I only got called stupid once. The first time was also the last time.)
Personally, I think he wants to be the boss. (I know this because when I was five I wanted to be the boss. Then, since the universe tends to believe in payback, I got a child who wanted to be the boss.)
Isn't it funny how the circle of life works that way.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn
Perfectly normal, healthy, intelligent children do everything your son is doing. And more. It used to be called a temper tantrum. Since I'm not up on the current literature I have no idea what it's called now. But temper tantrums were stopped in their tracks.
I'm glad you quoted that paragraph of the OP's again. I missed that.
You're right. It's definitely temper tantrums. And it's gotten worse because they are rewarding the tantrums.
It could just be a run of the mill temper tantrum in a strong willed boy. If this is the case then techniques such as ignoring or holding or reflecting as suggested in the thread may work. However, it could be something more. If so an evaluation may be a good idea. What does your gut say, Mom?
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There *May* be Food Sensitivites/Allergies
