Embracing Otherness; Helping Your Children Feel Confortable With Their Differences (ADHD, autism)
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Something that I struggle with as a parent is that children don't ask for otherness, but somehow we expect them to just deal with it. Some children take their difference in stride, and for others, such as Thandie Newton describes, it's a lifelong struggle. This is very good food for thought.
How do you help your children deal with otherness?
I'm as other as one gets. What helped me the most is that I was a very literal child, so when my mother said I should love myself I took it very seriously.
I was teased through my school years, but I can honestly say it never affected me for more than a passing moment. I had great friends, and parents who fully accepted me for my odd little duck self. I think that support made a huge difference. Home was a safe place, where I could be me without being judged or pressured to change in anyway. At the same time, my parents taught me how to get along in society. I wasn't expected to be quiet and meek, but I knew that if I drew attention to my differences, I would have to accept that attention might not be positive. So it was up to me to decide how to handle that, and when and if I felt like dealing with it.
Which isn't to say my parents wouldn't have stepped it if I was getting bullied, as opposed to teased. I know they would have, without hesitation. But they didn't coddle me every time some random kid commented on my camouflage shirt either...the message was 'who cares?'.
So I guess my answer is accept your child- fully. I think many parents say they do, but try and push and shove their kids to fit a certain mold, sometimes without even realizing it. Make home a safe place, where they can be just as odd as they want to be, but also teach them coping skills in society. Teach them that other people only have power over them if they give them that power (I'm not talking about physical violence or threats, which a child should never be expected to shrug off).
My family always said I wasn't thin enough, smart enough. I grew up feeling like I was never good enough and that still plays a role on my life to this day.
I am going to raise my daughter to love herself because that is the most important kind of love you can have.
So I guess my answer is accept your child- fully. I think many parents say they do, but try and push and shove their kids to fit a certain mold, sometimes without even realizing it. Make home a safe place, where they can be just as odd as they want to be, but also teach them coping skills in society. Teach them that other people only have power over them if they give them that power (I'm not talking about physical violence or threats, which a child should never be expected to shrug off).
That's a really good point. Saying the words are useless without allowing them the safety to be who they really are in their own home.
How do you help your children deal with otherness?
Probably it helps that home is a pretty safe place to be "other", because there are so darn many of us who are the same sort of other (with some minor variations-- ADHD, Asperger's, some assorted faceblindness, Extreme Geekiness, what have you). We're pretty casual about it. If somebody needs to hole up in their room for awhile because they've just had Too Much Input from the rest of the world, it's not an autism thing, it's just life as normal. Here, as they say, you can let your freak flag fly.
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Yup, unconditional love of who they are.
