Spanking my child (average, learning, university, blogs)
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The issue to me, is that when a parent says "spanking, maybe a few bruises", what it really means is "I need help managing this kid". The OP KNOWS he has crossed a line, and now wants validation and justification for his actions. It is obvious that this is a family in crisis, they need to go see a school counselor about the kid's behavior, and everyone be on the same page in regarding discipline.
Also, I have seen parents be overly strict with children, because they don't know the correct expectations for a child at a certain age. This maybe an issue as well.
We can't tell this guy it is fine to spank his kid, because we don't know the circumstances, I knew of a parent who was always spanking his toddler for "not listening", we tested the child at school in Kindergarten, the child was deaf. What do you think about that parent now?
The issue to me, is that when a parent says "spanking, maybe a few bruises", what it really means is "I need help managing this kid". The OP KNOWS he has crossed a line, and now wants validation and justification for his actions. It is obvious that this is a family in crisis, they need to go see a school counselor about the kid's behavior, and everyone be on the same page in regarding discipline.
Also, I have seen parents be overly strict with children, because they don't know the correct expectations for a child at a certain age. This maybe an issue as well.
We can't tell this guy it is fine to spank his kid, because we don't know the circumstances, I knew of a parent who was always spanking his toddler for "not listening", we tested the child at school in Kindergarten, the child was deaf. What do you think about that parent now?
I think that he is asking for advice shows that with some counseling or specialist, he could be okay for spanking. As far as the parent of the hearing impaired child, I would be divided. I have several family members who are deaf and my own son just had surgery for the 4th time to try and correct his hearing loss. Kids with hearing deficiencies or hearing impaired kids find ways to express emotions and even words. Sometimes it does take years to discover a hearing deficit. Yes, spanking over and over is not right but you can't hardly blame the dad for not noticing his son's hearing loss.
Very well said. I think that because the OP is aware he is leaving bruises, feels bad about it and is asking for help that it is not "abuse". He is wanting to correct the situation and problem but so many people see the word "spank" and jump to "abuse".
The OP is the child's stepfather. The OP is the only person in the child's family to spank him. The spankings result in bruises. The OP feels the child's behavior is out of control. Sound like a good situation to you? Promote spanking all you want, I really don't care. Much more importantly the family in the OP needs help, not encouragement to just keep on as is. Whether the stepfather continues spanking is irrelevant, if he tuly cares for this kid, and it sounds like he does, he needs to get some help for the family.
Meanwhile, all those kids who don't recieve discipline grow up to be whiny, insecure and incapable of coping with any kind of pressure because their childhood was oh so sweet smelling and easy.
And you can discipline without spanking. I can assure you my adult sons are neither whiny nor insecure. They can cope with pressure. (They can even break down a Browning and field dress a deer for a freezer full of meat. That whole part of the argument was just silly.)
Shall I note here that the OP changed his story from bruises (plural) to a singular dime shaped light mark on his butt? Something isn't kosher.
OP, (if this issue is truly occuring in your life) you should find a professional counselor or find parenting classes that will give you strategies on how to discipline your son without bruising him. What you're describing goes beyond what we (on an anonymous internet forum) can help you with.
But you CAN blame a parent for continuing to spank a kid with no change in behavior. That means that the disciplne is not working, and the kid is not getting it. So the "solution" is NOT to just spank harder, or more often. It is to change the patterns of behavior. Is the child ovwer tired? What is the cause of the misbehavior...this guy does not know thing one about child development. The kid annoys him, he hits him. Wow, great disciplne. Great parenting.
Go get help. Talk to a school counselor about the kid.
Get help before you lose it, and really hurt the kid.
But you CAN blame a parent for continuing to spank a kid with no change in behavior. That means that the disciplne is not working, and the kid is not getting it. So the "solution" is NOT to just spank harder, or more often. It is to change the patterns of behavior. Is the child ovwer tired? What is the cause of the misbehavior...this guy does not know thing one about child development. The kid annoys him, he hits him. Wow, great disciplne. Great parenting.
Go get help. Talk to a school counselor about the kid.
Get help before you lose it, and really hurt the kid.
So many people are so judgmental and superior, they are immediately ready to throw other parents under the bus for not doing it their way.
You may have decided that spanking doesn't work for your child, or that is not the way you want to raise your child. That is your prerogative.
However, for some parents, spanking is what they feel is the best option, and it works for their child. As long as they're not beating the child into oblivion, I don't think all the scorn is necessary.
There is a difference between discipline and abuse. I think it's sad that nowadays, parents have to be afraid to discipline their child or be accused of abuse. I've heard and read so many stories about children being starved, beaten, tortured, actually murdered, by cruel and heartless parents. THAT is child abuse. Hitting a child hard enough to cause an injury or bruise, THAT is abuse. Depriving a child of food, medical care, education is abuse. Belittling, humiliating, or demeaning a child is abuse. But a spanking, for disciplinary reasons, done by a loving parent in hopes of correcting bad behavior? Ridiculous to put this in the same category as actual abuse.
Spanking does not make a child afraid of you. But it just might make a child afraid to do whatever might cause it. I don't commit crimes because I'm afraid to go to jail. Fear of consequences is normal. But just because a child gets a spanking doesn't mean he or she is cowering in a corner, shivering in fear whenever they see their parent. That is just crazy.
The way I see it, do whatever works for you, works for your child, and what you feel is best. As long as it's not REAL (not imagined) child abuse, I don't think it's for anybody else to criticize or judge.
If you don't spank your kids they will probably turn out fine.
If you do spank your kids they will probably turn out fine.
We all parent differently but our way isn't the right way it's just the way that works for our families.
To the OP. If your leaving bruises that's not good. I am a spanker and I can't imagine spanking my kids hard enough to leave a bruise of any size. I would reevaluate if spanking is the right form of discipline for you to use.
so many people see the word "spank" and jump to "abuse".
Let me correct that for you. So many people see the word "bruises" and jump to "abuse".
I know that some people spank. As long as it isn't daily (or weekly) and it doesn't leave bruises, that is up to you as a parent.
Personally, I don't spank. I grew up in a household that spanked. I don't feel like irreparable damage was done to me. However, I learned from that time. I learned that when someone was spanked in our house, we didn't learn anything from it except to be afraid to be spanked. Most of the time, the fear of being spanked would make us forget what it was that we did to deserve the spanking. That certainly didn't teach us to not do it again. We couldn't remember what to avoid doing in the future. I learned more from being sent to my room and being forced to think about what it was that I had done.
Besides the one "pop" on the butt in the parking lot to pull her out of her tantrum, I have never felt the need to spank. I have felt the urge, but not the need. She can be a terror sometimes. Sending her to her room or her "time out" spot can make her think about what she has done and it also gives me 6 minutes to cool down. Afterward, I make sure she knows what it was that she did to earn her punishment. She definitely learns from that.
It it your choice as a parent on how to punish your child. I found the way that works in my house. You can find the way that works in yours.
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That whole part of the argument was just silly.) 
