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I consider myself to be a fair parent regarding a lot of things -- by fair, I mean "just", not "fair" as in "fair to good". Anyway, my daughter has been asking me constantly if she can get a Facebook, MySpace, AIM, and/or Twitter.
Since I see absolutely no reason that a 12 year old would need any of the above, I said no. I also said no because of the "cyber bullying" issue as well as people "stealing" photos from people's pages. Of course, I have to hear that "all my friends have it", etc. I still said no and told her if I find out that she opened one behind my back, she will lose her computer.
I know a lot of kids have these but I just don't agree with it. Even if your profile is private, it can still cause problems. Your best friend today can be your worst enemy tomorrow and you don't know what they're going to do regarding stealing your pics, posting nasty things, etc. As far as AIM, anyone can talk to you on AIM and pretend to be someone else.
I was at her school a few weeks ago for a meeting and I happened to see her counselor. We got to talking about various things and I brought up the same issue. She said she's glad I'm one of the parents who don't allow this because everyday, she gets calls from parents or sees students who are having major problems because of these "social networking" sites.
So, how about you? Do any of you let your kids have any of these? I'm curious how other parents feel about this.
My 12 year old has facebook. Her name is only listed as her first and middle (no last) and no city listed. Also, i have her privacay settings set (like mine) so that no one can find her- she has to add THEM as a friend (not vice versa). Only her friends can see her photos. There are lots of great privcay tools if people use them. Not only that, but i think facebook defaults the privacy settings for kids to private ( I went in and manually did it anyways to double check). She also has to ask me before adding any friends.
All of her emails (and therefore, facebook notifications) are forwarded to my email, so i see everything. Since i also use her account for a couple of my games (haha) I am in there at least once a day to see everything else.
The scariest part is her friends spellings and grammar LOL
I see no harm in letting them have it, as long as you are active and monitor what is going on. I would not let her have it, if I were not willing to pay as close attention to it as i do.
But yes, it does seem like all of her friends have facebook (i would not do myspace- its outdated anyways LOL)
My dd knows that I see everything, and that i log in all the time. She has had 2 computers with internet for over 2 years and weve never had a problem, between our own vigilance and parental control software (if you use that you may have to add facebook to allowed sites, as it may be blocked- i had to add it)
Shes asked for twitter, but i see no need for it LOL- she cant drive, she doesnt go out places (really) and yeah... just seems silly at that age for twitter.
My son is 12 and he has a facebook account. However, my husband and I are constantly monitoring his activity, friends, posts, etc. Most of his friends have a facebook page as well. I don't know if their parents monitor their activities. But we sure do!!!
Facebook's Terms of Service say no one under 13. Facebook also has a mechanism for reporting these underage users.
So for us, it's "no" until at least age 13, another two years for our oldest daughter, and we'll discuss it then. We're big on teaching our children that despite what they might want or what their friends might do, the rules apply to them. Mostly, it would depend on grades, taking care of household responsibilities, what other activities she's involved in, etc.
I wouldn't be so worried about privacy because it's not that hard to lock up an account pretty securely and after that, it's a matter of teaching what is and isn't appropriate to post and monitoring them. I would be more worried about drama and misunderstandings with friends. I know adults who fight over facebook posts, so I'm not in any hurry for my daughter to get into all of that.
Last edited by lucygirl951; 02-06-2011 at 08:15 AM..
My youngest has asked for a fB. She is 10. Nope. I know people who have kids her age and they let them have one, but she is my daughter and I do not feel fB is appropriate for her. She only goes online on the home computer which is visible from the main living room. She can only go online when an adult is home.
The cyber bulling is an influence in this choice, but for me, it is that she is very nieve and quite honestly, not everyone is honest with who they are. I do not want her to become a statistic. She is pixie cute and would easily be a target.
When she is 14 (fB's rule... or so I thought... the pp says 13... it may have changed since I looked at the TOS) she will be able to have an account. We will have her password. I have friends (young teenagers) and while they are mostly appropriate, some of their friends aren't. While a parent has say in their child's page, they have no control over their child's friend's pages.
My oldest (17) has had fb since he was 15. While I do not monitor him closely (anymore) I can still see what is going on on his page. I am friends with some of his friends (their request).
Each parent makes the choice to allow or not allow some of these social networking sites. The parent knows their child best and should be able to determine their child's readiness for the undercurrents of fB. Your child has to understand that not everything should be taken at face value before s/he is responsible for fB.
Last edited by rockinmomma; 02-06-2011 at 07:56 AM..
Reason: age that fB allows
i think everyones child is different. no one knows better than the parents (hopefully) if they are mature enough to participate on certain websites. heck, ive known 30 year olds that werent mature enough
Age limits mean nothing if parental involvement is absent.
I agree that some adults aren't mature enough for a facebook. But the rule is 13 plus, so despite a child's perceived maturity, when a child or a parent has to lie about the child's age to get the child a facebook account, that's a pretty iffy message, IMO.
My kids have facebook, but like sue posted above - I am on their "page" almost every day. I watch closely what is happening and what they are posting. Their page is private.
BUT, it is up to each parent. I can see why some parents won't allow it. It is annoying sometimes!!
I consider myself to be a fair parent regarding a lot of things -- by fair, I mean "just", not "fair" as in "fair to good". Anyway, my daughter has been asking me constantly if she can get a Facebook, MySpace, AIM, and/or Twitter.
Since I see absolutely no reason that a 12 year old would need any of the above, I said no. I also said no because of the "cyber bullying" issue as well as people "stealing" photos from people's pages. Of course, I have to hear that "all my friends have it", etc. I still said no and told her if I find out that she opened one behind my back, she will lose her computer.
I know a lot of kids have these but I just don't agree with it. Even if your profile is private, it can still cause problems. Your best friend today can be your worst enemy tomorrow and you don't know what they're going to do regarding stealing your pics, posting nasty things, etc. As far as AIM, anyone can talk to you on AIM and pretend to be someone else.
I was at her school a few weeks ago for a meeting and I happened to see her counselor. We got to talking about various things and I brought up the same issue. She said she's glad I'm one of the parents who don't allow this because everyday, she gets calls from parents or sees students who are having major problems because of these "social networking" sites.
So, how about you? Do any of you let your kids have any of these? I'm curious how other parents feel about this.
My older sons are in high school and they have FB pages. I allowed them to make one when they were around 13. My younger son is 11 (almost 12) and he is asking for one. I am trying to keep him off until he is a bit older. One of my rules is that my kids MUST have me as a friend on FB.
I have had mixed results with FB. I have had to inactivate my middle son's FB one time because I did not like what he posted about his brother. After 6 months we allowed him to try again and he has not re-offended. He is not generally a troubled kid and he usually learns from his mistakes.
One of my friends had a terrible experience with her 7th grader on FB but that girl is troubled to begin with. FB did not cause her to be more troubled. She already was having problems. Her FB has been inactivated and I don't think she will be getting it back any time soon.
I think you are right to be cautious, but I do think that teaching your kids how to behave online is a better strategy that prohibiting it until they are 18. What age is the best to start is a matter of individual preference.
Kids should understand that their FB pages are reflections of them that the whole world can see. My older son is in the process of looking at colleges and we have told him that college coaching staffs definitely look at the online profiles of future recruits. We have been teaching him that he should be careful that whatever he says on FB is something he would be comfortable discussing with a college coach in person. If not, don't post it.
As to what age works for you that is something only you can decide.
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