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I don't view myself as a perfect parent but having experience in the social work field and having a close friend that is an active social worker, I find it hard to believe that CPS is consistently visiting your home for a wild goose chase. CPS is usually overwhelmed with many cases and calls. They investigate ones that seem to have merit. If they have visited your home and found it be a situation of a child playing games they would move on to a more important and much needed case. Believe it or not, these individuals are trained and educated to access a situation and would see through your son's intentions pretty quickly. I do not know where you live but social services are usually poorly funded by most standards. In this economy many government agencies are cutting back and I can't imagine CPS wasting resources over a child complaining he has no clothes, ESPECIALLY if you have proved otherwise.
If it is true CPS visits you frequently it is because they are witnessing dysfunction in the household. They are keeping an eye on things for a reason. I am not sure why the family counselor has not addressed these issues of your son calling CPS. There seems to be a lot of anger in the household that needs to be addressed, on your son's part and yours. I hope you can work it out because as your children grow older, it will continue to get harder.
Question re CPS... IIRC the kids in this family are adopted. Would CPS be more involved in that case? Or once the adoption is official, might they as well be bio kids in the eyes of CPS?
This thread (combined with the others) makes me sad really. Normal kids/families don't call CPS on their parents for not getting chips, etc.
There is obviously something else going on in this family dynamic and it's just sad that a kid is so desperate that he would just keep calling CPS.
Marylee - you can say all you want about how all of us are "perfect parents" because of the comments we make. But the reality is, what's going in your house, if it really is the way you say it is, is not normal, even for kids going through a phase of being annoyed with their parents and not getting what they want.
It's bizarre that you bring up the CPS issue and make it a big deal, then get upset when people focus on that. Hate to break it to you, but that IS the issue. Not the coat.
Most of the kids in this area wear shorts/flip flops and hoodies/not coats all winter (I'm in Colorado mind you) and CPS doesn't get involved.
My oldest went through a period (right after her father and myself divorced) where she reported me to DHS or insured that I was reported, for about a year.
She told her councilor that my mother called her a "B" word. I was reported and investigated.
She got mad at me one time after I brushed her hair (it was a daily battle) and told the teacher I pulled her hair, I was reported.
She told the school councilor that I wouldn't buy her anything, nor would I allow her to participate in the school fundraiser to win anything either. I was reported. Since I just the week before bought her $500 in school clothes that we picked out together.. It was still investigated though, oh yes!!! Heaven forbid the poor baby ONLY be allowed to sell Girl Scout cookies and not all that other junk. I finally took her down there one day before school in her PJ's cause she refused to get dressed, mid-fit. Anyone that has kids with ADHD knows what kind of fit they can throw. (It was before she was on meds)
The councilor actually suggested she needed to go to an inpatient facility for 3-5 days. I suggested she shut up and butt the he!! out of our lives and let me get on with what I needed to do without fearing she was going to have my children taken away. Audery finally told her she was mad because now that Dad had left I had to work and couldn't be home with her. I didn't have anymore problems from the councellor after that.
It was so bad the social worker who had been coming to investigate us sat her down and told her, "You need to stop needlessly telling people things about your Mom. I know when someone is being abused and you are NOT being abused. I have other things I need to do, I have kids that really are abused that need my help. Furthermore, the next time you do this I will take you in front of the Judge. Not so your mom will be in trouble and not so that you can go live with your dad, but because YOU are lying and causing problems." Also shortly after that she made friends at school with a couple of girls who were in foster care. That fairly well ended it. She saw they were marginally cared for and "People are paid to keep you but that don't mean they love you" according to her. I don't have answers for you MaryLee, I know sometimes counseling isn't worth the hassle.
I had one 4th grade teacher that told me at the beginning of the year, I will only believe 1/2 of what they tell me about you if YOU will only believe 1/2 of what they tell you about me. I thought that was a pretty good deal.
Oh and my kids both wear hoodies. Their reasoning is they don't have lockers at school and have to carry it around all day long. It is up to them, I don't want to hear any complaints about being cold though. They do have coats if they choose to wear them.
My sons got used to going out without a coat on school days. After West Paducah (lived about 45 miles from there) and Columbine, school systems got scared and would not allow coats and jackets to be worn in the schools. You were allowed to take it off before you entered the building but had to take it straight to your locker. The problem with that? My son's lockers were on the far side of the school from where they got on the bus so they, and many others, didn't have time to go to retrieve the coats. If you can't wear them inside and don't have time to go get them after class, why wear one?
I don't view myself as a perfect parent but having experience in the social work field and having a close friend that is an active social worker, I find it hard to believe that CPS is consistently visiting your home for a wild goose chase. CPS is usually overwhelmed with many cases and calls. They investigate ones that seem to have merit. If they have visited your home and found it be a situation of a child playing games they would move on to a more important and much needed case. Believe it or not, these individuals are trained and educated to access a situation and would see through your son's intentions pretty quickly. I do not know where you live but social services are usually poorly funded by most standards. In this economy many government agencies are cutting back and I can't imagine CPS wasting resources over a child complaining he has no clothes, ESPECIALLY if you have proved otherwise.
If it is true CPS visits you frequently it is because they are witnessing dysfunction in the household. They are keeping an eye on things for a reason. I am not sure why the family counselor has not addressed these issues of your son calling CPS. There seems to be a lot of anger in the household that needs to be addressed, on your son's part and yours. I hope you can work it out because as your children grow older, it will continue to get harder.
Exactly! You speak the truth, Fallingwater. OP: Something is surely amiss in the home or CPS would not be bothering with you and your family. Have you ever beaten your children? Is that how they intially got involved with you?
I haven't read a lot of your other posts, but did have a teen who pulled that kind of stuff for a while. He is a grown man now and oh does he feel like a fool for the horrible things he did. The worst part of it is this....he honestly didn't think his actions through. He never, for one minute, wanted CPS to come down on us, or to cause problems that would put his younger sibling's in danger of spending time in foster care. We were great parents. He has bawled, held his head in his hands, remembering the stupid things he said and did. Actually, HE didn't call CPS. He wanted to do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted to do it. He would go tell horror stories to others. A couple of THEM called CPS and because he was in the process of "manipulating them", he told them what they "wanted to hear". CPS investigated, all allegations were unfounded. He started becoming violent and went to stay with an aunt and uncle. He told them stories, they took the bait, hook, line and sinker and he reeled them in. Then he used them. When they finally realized he'd taken them for a ride, it was too late. He moved on....but not before THEY took some of his "stories" to CPS! Then, you see, because of the CPS investigation, they talked to my other kids. The information my children shared with CPS blew our minds. He had been doing so much more (not molesting or anything), but cruel and threatening things. He did crap that bordered on assault, in order to keep them from telling us about his shenanigans. CPS was on OUR side. Arrangements were happily made for him to stay elsewhere. In fact, we were ordered, by CPS, to not allow him to be alone with any of the other kids. Eventually, everything he'd ever done, completely backfired on him.
This son was such an incredibly gifted boy. He was tested and found to be so. In high school and as an adult, his IQ has remained at 140-145, and yet he flunked out of school. He got his GED 4 years after dropping out, scoring in the top 2 percentile, across the board. So? What happened? Society? Schools? He failed school because he refused to do his homework....if he did it, he wouldn't hand it in. He never failed to receive an A on all tests....failed because of a lack of homework!
OP...as parents, we can't fix everything. All you can do is the best you can do and keep your conscience clean. If you're honestly not doing anything wrong, I'm sorry that you're going through this.....but, if you're not doing anything wrong, they're not going to tag you with anything. CPS spoke to too many people, interviewed us, came into our home...welcomed here!.....offered coffee and sweetrolls. We wanted to get to the bottom of this crap. We had nothing to hide....nothing at all. This was a brilliant young man, absolutely brilliant, but they'd seen his kind before. In fact, one of the male caseworker admitted to being a child JUST like my son! Again, if you are being a great mom and doing all the right things, you have nothing to worry about. Been there, done that. Work with them. These people see HORRORS and they're only trying to do their jobs. What if they didn't investigate and there WAS truth to it? If you don't have anything to hide, invite them in......share everything with them.
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