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PLEASE don't even consider doing this! IMO that will do nothing but give him a weird unhealthy relationship with food.
aww play nice so the poor dear ( at age 11 yrs old ) wont suffer an ego bash .. MY BUTT.. the kid needs to learn some manners and sitting with the rest of the family is a item that deserves good manners on the 11 yr olds part ..
this is called living and lifestyle .. it will only take once or twice for the lesson to sink in .. that kid is old enough to know that manners are part of life and letting them "go" will only cause problems later when he is in public .. or do you like eating with slack jawed pigs at the trough.. I wouldnt..
manners is a form of disapline and kids need that skill
SOMETIMES we are to kind and the kids dont learn crap that way ..
aww play nice so the poor dear ( at age 11 yrs old ) wont suffer an ego bash .. MY BUTT.. the kid needs to learn some manners and sitting with the rest of the family is a item that deserves good manners on the 11 yr olds part ..
this is called living and lifestyle .. it will only take once or twice for the lesson to sink in .. that kid is old enough to know that manners are part of life and letting them "go" will only cause problems later when he is in public .. or do you like eating with slack jawed pigs at the trough.. I wouldnt..
manners is a form of disapline and kids need that skill
SOMETIMES we are to kind and the kids dont learn crap that way ..
I just don't think shoving a kid in the corner like a dog will teach him anything. As a matter of fact I think it will more so allow him to continue the behavior and be more comfortable eating alone. I'm as far from one of those PC don't squash the feelers mothers as you can get. I just don't think you solve a problem by shoving it in the corner and creating new problems.
I think that in order for 11 year old kids to learn manners, their parents need to not only have some of their own, but recognize and appreciate that table manners are one (of many) things that differentiate us from other animal species. We had fun growing up turning grapefruits inside out and scraping the pulp off with our teeth like dad did, but we knew better than to do that in a restaurant.
We knew it was perfectly fine to leave our napkins on the table when we were eating at home, but we knew how to drape them on our laps when we were in restaurants. We didn't need to use a salad fork -and- a dinner fork at home, but we knew the difference, and could use each appropriately when we were visiting our grandparents.
In fact it's my grandmother who taught me:
Mabel, Mabel, strong and able.
Get your elbows off the table.
I think that in order for 11 year old kids to learn manners, their parents need to not only have some of their own, but recognize and appreciate that table manners are one (of many) things that differentiate us from other animal species. We had fun growing up turning grapefruits inside out and scraping the pulp off with our teeth like dad did, but we knew better than to do that in a restaurant.
We knew it was perfectly fine to leave our napkins on the table when we were eating at home, but we knew how to drape them on our laps when we were in restaurants. We didn't need to use a salad fork -and- a dinner fork at home, but we knew the difference, and could use each appropriately when we were visiting our grandparents.
In fact it's my grandmother who taught me:
Mabel, Mabel, strong and able.
Get your elbows off the table.
That was 45 years ago. I never forgot.
That's cute! My husbands Grandmother taught him "Tables are for glasses, not for a s s e s
We were all taught manners growing up. It's disconcerting to sit at a table with someone who eats like a pig. It does something to the appetite.
If you don't convince him to be neater when he eats now, he will likely wish you had as he matures and sits at tables with girlfriends and their families, or professional business associates.
There's nothing wrong with expectations at the table when sitting down as a family. Others may think it's no big deal now, but when he is in high school and still making a mess, they WILL care when they sit across from him at the table.
I agree! Keep at him until he learns the table manners of a gentleman. Job interviews are sometimes conducted in restaurants. No prospective boss is going to want to hire someone who, basically, eats with his fingers. And girlfriends too. I've had friends tell me many times over the years that they wouldn't eat with so and so because his/her table manners were so horrendous.
If you need to enroll him in a class. A man with lovely manners is judged well in this world. Opening doors. Knows which fork to use. Treats the server well. We are all judged on our manners whether we realise it or not.
And doesn't talk while he has a mouth full of food...
I can't tell you how many adults I see - parents even, who talk with food in their mouths. And crack gum incessantly and chew their food like cows chewing cud. No wonder their kids slobber. The parents were never taught how to behave like civilized adults.
I wouldn't do the eating alone in a corner thing because in my son's case, I think it would humilliate him and I also do not think it would work for him. Our dinner table can be kind of noisy and he'd probably end up liking the quiet! I do not intend to let him continue eating like this though, which is why I was asking for suggestions. I just don't think this particular suggestion would work for my son.
I think my first step will be to get him and my husband to take it more seriously, and figure out a way to get my son to understand that the way he is eating is not cool and that he is too old to be eating like that. I think once he understands that it is not acceptable, and what his eating looks like, he will fix it. I am going to think about using a mirror, incentives, and look and see what's out there for classes, and go from there. I will figure out something and I appreciate all of the suggestions. I think even having him read this thread might help.
A very simple solution would be to simply say-go wash your hands and face-each and every time he gets his fingers and face overly messy. Have him get up from the table and go to the bathroom and wash up before he can continue to eat. No judgment. No discussion. No comments, other than go wash. Every time.
He will indeed connect messy eating with not getting to eat until he's clean and more than likely begin to pay more attention to HOW he eats in order to not get so messy.
Many people dip and eat without mess, so it's not what he is doing, it's how he is doing it.
This works wonders for kids who suck their thumbs and who habitually pick their noses too. If they are made to wash each and every time they do the behavior, it causes the behavior to change.
And doesn't talk while he has a mouth full of food...
I can't tell you how many adults I see - parents even, who talk with food in their mouths. And crack gum incessantly and chew their food like cows chewing cud. No wonder their kids slobber. The parents were never taught how to behave like civilized adults.
Bingo! Recently one of the players from our football team (AZ Cardinals - Beanie Wells if anybody is interested) was on a local cooking show. He took a bit of something and the hostess asked him a question. He immediately covered his mouth with his hand and held up his other hand in the "one second" gesture. The man was not about to talk with his mouth full. Especially on TV. I can't tell you how much that impressed me. He may be a big guy who plays a rough sport, but his mother obviously taught him his manners. Fabulous.
I think my first step will be to get him and my husband to take it more seriously, ... I think even having him read this thread might help.
Start with your husband. It sounds like you and he aren't on the same page and have basically let your son go with his eating habits, so coming down on him at this point would be a big jump from allowing his lack of manners up until now.
Have a conversation with your husband maybe in the evening in private, and discuss this thread, maybe having him read it. Let him know that your son is way too old to be eating like a pig, and something needs to be done.
THEN have a conversation with your son, you AND dad, and let him know what manners are to be expected from now on. That's only fair since it's been let go all this time.
After the conversation, both of you remind your son when he's being sloppy and expect him to eat appropriately. ONLY AFTER THAT should he be reprimanded in any way.
Give your son a chance to rise to the challenge of what you and your husband expect from this day forward and see how he does.
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