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I don't believe in kids holding adults accountable.
As I implied earlier, this is what I have found to be the main reason some parents oppose the idea of a contract with their children.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn
I'd never give up my line item veto power.
Too old fashioned. When my sons were under 18 Mom and Dad had the final say, not the kids and certainly not a document, and we reserved the right to change our minds to fit the circumstances.
I applaud you for admitting so quickly the reason you oppose contracts.
If a contract is written for a specific goal with specific consquences and rewards, I really don't understand why it's a problem.
If child meets X criteria, why suddenly have a mind change and veto the reward?
Parents who use contracts dont' enter into contracts they don't agree with the terms.
As a result, the contract does not have the final say. The parents had the final say when the parent signed the contract.
It's all having a plan for a specific behavior or goal, not winging it.
I trust my abilities to decide on a plan and stick to it. I am completely capable of drawing up a contract that meets my goals as a parent.
It sounds like parents who oppose contracts are the ones who want the option to change their minds.
But I have no problem keeping my word/promise to my children. That's why I had no problem using contracts.
I just don't see the NEED for a contract. Maybe it's a generational thing? (I'm a lot older than, probably, most posters on this particular board.) I do like the idea of a mission statement that some families write up now. "We as a family stand for this, this and that." But for me to make up a contract with my kids would never have been necessary. We were consistent in our discipline. Everybody knew what was expected of them as a member of the family. We were a team. A tribe. Still are.
I think we worked more on the "handshake" principle. Good old-fashioned "my word is my bond". (Unless somebody decided to be totally stupid and reckless and somebody was going to get hurt in which case the veto was invoked. That's what it was there for. Never for "denying rewards". That's just insane and bad parenting.)
I see a lot of families that are just hanging together by a thread. So I guess if people think something like a contract would help I'd have to say, "Go for it." (I guess I'm saying I can see both sides.)
Last edited by DewDropInn; 07-22-2010 at 02:37 PM..
I think the point those of us who see no problem making contracts is trying to get across, is that in some cases, with some kids, it can be a valuable tool.
I see no problem with them - but that doesn't mean we've used them for anything other than the new license. Even at that, it's hanging on the fridge and we've never had the need to go back to it. Our son knows what we expect regarding the rules and driving and he also knows what would happen if he ever broke any of those rules. There has never been any question in our house when it comes to follow through.
But we also have a teen that's been pretty easy.
The point of us filling out the contract for driving? Mostly to reiterate the seriousness of driving and the responsibility that comes with it. That it's not to be taken lightly.
I can see where a contract in other areas for some kids may come in handy. That's all.
Last edited by WhereTheSidewalkEnds; 07-22-2010 at 03:07 PM..
The point of us filling out the contract for driving? Mostly to reiterate the seriousness of driving the the responsibility that comes with it. That it's not to be taken lightly.
On that part you get a HUGE thumb's up from me. Here it is:
Frankly, I don't have a problem with adults being accountable towards their kids. I think kids are really marginalized in this society. If I say X, I should be accountable for doing it.
How bizarre...I guess whatever floats their boat. I see it as an easy way out for parents who have failed to control their kids behavior and feel the need to have it on paper to validate their verbal points.
I dont see anything wrong with the driving one as that can have major problems, anything else for me nope.
How bizarre...I guess whatever floats their boat. I see it as an easy way out for parents who have failed to control their kids behavior and feel the need to have it on paper to validate their verbal points.
I dont see anything wrong with the driving one as that can have major problems, anything else for me nope.
So is any instution that utilizes written rules and consequences lazy and in need of validation?
So is any instution that utilizes written rules and consequences lazy and in need of validation?
Thats not what I said. I expect kids to follow written rules/contracts they have with schools, after school programs etc - not so much with their parents. The parents should be able to enforce rules without having to write out a contract with their children.
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