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I'm so sick of the idea that kids need to have their self esteem reinforced to death. All we've done is ruin any chance of having a sense of accomplishment when they do well.
Case in point. My daughter plays in a recreational soccer league. At the end of the season, every kid gets a great big trophy, and all exactly the same. When her team sucked, she still got a big trophy. This year, when her team won every match by a margin (admittedly not because of my daughter because she isn't really that good), same trophy. No feeling that they really "won", nothing to work for.
In another example, she got a couple of distinction certificates after some academic exams. These are NOT awarded to everyone and it is actually quite an achievement on her part. Because she is so used to the "everyone is a winner for showing up" routine she didn't even realize that it meant something. She had no pride in her work, because so often prizes are handed out like M&M's.
It has to stop. We're preventing our children from developing a true work ethic built on having something to strive for, and when they do succeed, we've destroyed any ability to enjoy their success. Without those benchmarks they have no idea when they are really doing well and when they need to work harder. What a tragedy for society, and what a great way to encourage mediocrity.
I know what you mean. How old is your daughter? Sorry if you said, and I missed it. My son is almost 7 and has a trophy for every season of baseball and soccer so far. I hear they stop this at a certain age. I'm not sure when. The baseball coach decided to get team shirts this year instead, so maybe we're getting there.
I TOTALLY agree. Everything they do just becomes meaningless. Someone is always going to win and someone is always going to lose and not teaching kids how to deal with both is just so WRONG.
Seriously, this isn't new. My brother is nearing 60 and he played on non-school baseball teams when he was in elementary and middle school, and every member always received a trophy at the end of the season. It was just a participation gift, meant for each teammate, and not meant to indicate a particular player (or team) was spectacular. When my son played soccer (at age 6, 7 and 8) all teammates received a trophy, too. Most of the kids enjoyed receiving their trophy, but if you object I'm sure they'll follow your wishes and leave your kid out.
This also applies to end of the year school parties. My gosh, aren't cupcakes enough?
My second grader's class had a huge lunch spread, complete with gourmet desserts and beach pails loaded with cheap dollar store crap. As a parent I was kind of embarrassed that the parents at our school go to so much trouble and spend that much time and money for an end of the year party (this also happens at xmas, easter, and halloween).
Whatever happened to being humble yet grateful for a job well done?
It was just a participation gift, meant for each teammate, and not meant to indicate a particular player (or team) was spectacular.
Exactly. It is up to the parents for to teach them the difference. My kids have played soccer and received their so called trophies. I have seen many parents just oogle over the fact that their kids "won" a trophy. My kids have always understood it is just a trophy for participating. Not for winning anything.
Seriously, this isn't new. My brother is nearing 60 and he played on non-school baseball teams when he was in elementary and middle school, and every member always received a trophy at the end of the season. It was just a participation gift, meant for each teammate, and not meant to indicate a particular player (or team) was spectacular. When my son played soccer (at age 6, 7 and 8) all teammates received a trophy, too. Most of the kids enjoyed receiving their trophy, but if you object I'm sure they'll follow your wishes and leave your kid out.
I'm not that old and there were not trophies for anyone who didn't earn one all the years I was growing up.
Even Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts have fallen into that frame of mind that the fragile self esteem must be protected at all costs. My daughter was in Brownies and badges were handed out like candy. They didn't have to earn any of them.
My father used to be a scout leader and my brother made it to Eagle Scout. I remember him working like crazy to earn his badges. My father couldn't be the witness or test him because of the family relationship. It had to be someone else, so my brother had to know his stuff. He didn't make the knots on his first few tries because of the timing, but he sat at home and worked on them, studying the book, and he finally got his badge. He was pretty proud having earned it.
There used to be tryouts for little league and sports at school. If you weren't good enough, you weren't on the team. Simple. You either worked harder the next year, or found something else to do. Heck, Michael Jordan didn't make the cut for high school basketball.
Kids aren't allowed to feel disappointment anymore. Adults always bend over backwards to make them feel like a winner even when they aren't. Some kids are losers, plain and simple, but of course they don't think they are so they stop working to get better at things.
My father used to be a scout leader and my brother made it to Eagle Scout. I remember him working like crazy to earn his badges.
My mom was my brownie leader and she made us all work for badges. But she made it the way either the whole troupe got the badge or no one did. If one person didn't work hard and earn it no one got it. I think that made everyone else work harder and also stressed team work. However this wasn't for all the badges. Some badges like cookies and things you had to do at home where earned on a personal basis. At the end of the school year we had a badge ceremony. It was really fun.
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