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I also have to say that I think I must live on Mars when I read some of these posts. I live in Connecticut, which you think would be a Mecca for suburban nonsense - but my kids have never received trophies!! They just completed spring soccer with no awards. My daughter was in gymastics -no trophies. Also throughout elemantary school I have never seen any type of award presented at all! They do get a certificiate for participating in a reading program but everyone who hands in the necessary materials to show completion receives one. That's it. Maybe this is a regional thing?
Maybe regional, maybe based on type activity? My kids didn't take part in many activities that gave participation trophies, either. They did AYSO soccer for a few years and did receive a participation trophy. That is it. Nothing for recreation sport programs or afterschool elementary or middle school sports. No awards were given out at elementary or middle school for high academics. My son (high school age) does club swimming and they do give out ribbons for age group 1st-7th place at swim meets, and most of the kids receiving a ribbon have Junior Olympic times (or exceeded the time), or close to a JO time, but that's about it. His High School team only awards MVP and a Coach's Award.
Must be different elsewhere.
Last edited by twins4lynn; 07-05-2010 at 09:50 AM..
Reason: spelling
Kids aren't allowed to feel disappointment anymore. Adults always bend over backwards to make them feel like a winner even when they aren't. Some kids are losers, plain and simple, but of course they don't think they are so they stop working to get better at things.[/quote]
This reminds me of the woman I used to work with who gave both her daughters presents when it was the birthday of one of them. Dumbest thing I ever heard of. She didn't want the one whose birthday it wasn't to "feel bad".
I was a Girl Scout leader for years, and our girls had to earn their badges. Often there were group efforts where all the kids would be working on the same one, but some of the girls went past that and got badges they were interested in--we certainly weren't going to give those to the ones who showed no interest and did no work!
I am the team parent and there isn't a choice. The whole league runs like this. I am considering taking this to the board. I'm not advocating aggressive competition, there are travel teams for that, just for cutting out the excessive trophies and actually having a winning team at each level each season. They don't need a big fancy prize for winning either, just a token and the recognition of a job well done.
For me the issue isn't just a recreational soccer league, that is just a symptom of a bigger problem - that we don't allow our children to feel disappointment or achievement and to learn how to deal with them at an early age. Even sadder, because these activities are the PERFECT opportunity to allow them to experience defeat/success without it being the end of the world and while we as parents can help them process it.
We are preventing them from growing up and this isn't for their benefit but for a few parents scared of having to actually raise their children.
Kids aren't allowed to feel disappointment anymore. Adults always bend over backwards to make them feel like a winner even when they aren't. Some kids are losers, plain and simple, but of course they don't think they are so they stop working to get better at things.
EXACTLY agree with this statement.[/quote]
So do I, and yes, watching your kids be disappointed is hard for a parent, but it's our job to help them learn to handle it. I'm aware of it because it was hard for me to take disappointment well, and I was well into adulthood before I learned to deal with it better and realize that another door might open for me down the road even if that one didn't.
My daughter sucked at nearly every sport she tried. She hardly got any hits in softball, she looks funny when she runs, and she spent most of the time on the bench when she played basketball.
When she was 12, she decided she wanted to do horseback riding. She caught onto that pretty quickly, and her trainer started putting her in shows. That first season of competition was tough, especially when there were six kids in the ring and they gave ribbons for up to fifth place, and she was the one who didn't get any. Most of her competitors had been riding longer than she. But then came the day when the competition was a series of jumps she had worked hard to master, and she got the blue ribbon over all those other girls who had been at it for a couple of years. She was flying for days. I don't think it would have been as sweet if it wasn't competitive and if she hadn't gone through the days of disappointment at not winning, and maybe she wouldn't have been as determined.
This was never about winning or losing and not receiving a trophy, but rather about receiving a trophy for simply participating in a sport. I mean, really, who cares!? However, since it is so important to you, Alanboy, you should make your feelings clear to the coach on any sporting team your child participates in, to ensure that your child does not receive a trophy, if they are distributed for simply participating, so your child will "learn his lesson early in life".
Personally, I never cared whatsoever. If they want to distribute trophys to all members of a team, fine. If they only want to give the MVP a trophy, fine. And if they don't give trophys at all, that's fine, too. My kids never cared that much, either, when receiving a participation trophy. They received their trophy, looked at it, put it down and moved on to doing something else. Maybe others have different experiences.
You'll probably shudder at the thought but our kids did opt out of getting the ridiculous team trophies that meant so little to any of the kids. We went for pizza during the awards ceremony, we gave each of the kids a 'participation' token such as a bookmark or certificate. They didn't WANT the trophies. Now the trophies, ribbons and awards they have EARNED are very special to them, they are displayed instead of simply discarded before moving on to the next 'event'. They do care about each of their trophies because they KNOW how hard they worked to earn them. It's kind of sad that your kids can't say the same although I'm sure they have way more trophies. It's not quantity that counts....even kids know that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kalbo
Certificates for participation. Trophies should only be for winners, MVPs, etc.
This is sufficient, IMO.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnthonyB
I think we may be missing each others points. My disappointment originally stemmed from the fact that my daughter won an academic (and meaningful) award and didn't even realize that it meant something because of the way in which awards and trophies are handed out like candy.
I don't think a real sense of achievement comes from participating. A sense of belonging, yes. But achievement comes from actually achieving something and to do that you have to do more than just participate.
I get your point completely. I think if you make a big deal out of the earned awards she will start to see it differently. Maybe try a pizza party to acknowledge her participation instead of attending the next participation 'awards' ceremony. Doesn't she have enough fake trophies anyway?
I understand what you mean. However you have to understand that you signed your daughter up for a non competitive league. Some kids are ready to be co
petitive at a young age and some are not. Some parents want their kids competing where the ompetition is tough and some do not. It's nice that there is an option
you should sign your daughter up for a competitive sport. My daughter has done competitive swimming since she was 8. They give nothing away in this sport and getting a ribbon or medal really means something because it is so hard for many to get. My dd only wins something occasionally
some teams give participation ribbons. The kids know they mean nothing and they only get that ribbon once a year. One good thing about swimming is even if you don't beat the other swimmers u can beat your own time or achieve a qualifying time which is very self motivating
You'll probably shudder at the thought but our kids did opt out of getting the ridiculous team trophies that meant so little to any of the kids. We went for pizza during the awards ceremony, we gave each of the kids a 'participation' token such as a bookmark or certificate. They didn't WANT the trophies. Now the trophies, ribbons and awards they have EARNED are very special to them, they are displayed instead of simply discarded before moving on to the next 'event'. They do care about each of their trophies because they KNOW how hard they worked to earn them. It's kind of sad that your kids can't say the same although I'm sure they have way more trophies. It's not quantity that counts....even kids know that.
No, the thought of opting out doesn't make me shudder. As I said before, I really don't care if they give out participation trophies or not, it doesn't bother me either way. As I also said before, if parents object, they should talk to the coach.
No need to feel sad for my kids, and no, they don't have a lot of trophies, and, yes, they do know what the trophies are for and what they mean. As I previously posted (did you even read the whole thread?) my kids didn't take part in many activities that gave participation trophies, which is fine. They did AYSO soccer for a few years while in elementary school and did receive a participation trophy. That is it for participation trophies. Participation awards were not given for recreation sport programs or afterschool elementary or middle school sports. My son (high school age) does year around club swimming and is on the HS swim team. Club swim meets do give out ribbons for age group 1st-7th place at swim meets, and most of the kids receiving a ribbon have Junior Olympic times (or exceeded the time), or close to a JO time, but that's about it, and my son has received some ribbons. They give swim club awards once a year and two awards are given, and my son did receive one last year. The High School team only awards MVP and a coaches award, and my son did receive MVP this year. My daughter switched to dancing and the only award she receives is clapping during a performance. That's it for trophies in this family.
Last edited by twins4lynn; 07-07-2010 at 08:27 AM..
Reason: spelling
Who cares if everyone gets a trophy? Is youth sports really about winning?? Its not the NFL, NBA, or major league baseball....youth sports are for fun and exercise....nothing more, nothing less. Its the looney tune parents who get too serious about it and have to live vicariously through their kids to make up for their own shortcomings that only care about winning. Winning is nice, but its not the reason that 7 year olds play sports. I know my 8 year old is more concerned with having fun with his friends at a game than he is with who won or lost.
Who cares if everyone gets a trophy? Is youth sports really about winning?? Its not the NFL, NBA, or major league baseball....youth sports are for fun and exercise....nothing more, nothing less. Its the looney tune parents who get too serious about it and have to live vicariously through their kids to make up for their own shortcomings that only care about winning. Winning is nice, but its not the reason that 7 year olds play sports. I know my 8 year old is more concerned with having fun with his friends at a game than he is with who won or lost.
If that is true, then I would question why ANYONE gets a trophy, much less everyone getting one.
Parents who are serious about winning at sports put their kids into competitive leagues, not recreational leagues. It's not all about winning and losing but it sure matters. There, trophies for winners are the norm and to be expected. I'm not sure how they get a looney label when another group of parents, who don't want their kids to compete, who say that winning isn't important to the point of not keeping score at games, who say that no one cares about trophies or winning, that the 'sport' is for fun and exercise, etc...... but at the end of the season EVERY KID ends up with a trophy??? THAT sounds looney to me.
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