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My brother's mother in law (who I'd known longer than he had) had a huge Christmas Eve feast every year. It was quite the party, but we all wouldn't get to eat until some time around 11 at night. My annual contribution (per her request) was a dessert cake from this specific bakery by my house, which was across town from hers. It all started with her telling me she'd ordered it, but it needed to be picked up before 3 or something and I paid for it. No sweat, I can contribute that much. Several years pass and I never remembered ever seeing that dessert cake and then my sister in law told me that her mom would hoard it away so she could take it to her own mother's house on Christmas Day. I'd been had. So, one year, I found the cake after dinner (there were so many people they ate everywhere in the house) and she was in the kitchen and I in the dinning room and I cut that cake in slices and said real loud, 'Who Wants CAKE!" She couldn't say anything because she didn't know I was aware of her little scam.
Getting the cake was really no big deal regardless of what she did with it - messing with her was funny as hell though.
Very Timely Subject, For Me...
I just received an invitation to a party and across the top of a separate piece of paper, was the title: What Will You Bring? There were names of those invited, including me, and under a couple of names there were dishes they intended to bring -
Sharon - Pasta Salad
Betty - Fried Chicken
And, at the bottom of the list it said:
Please consider bringing the following - potato salad, deli meats, corn pudding, any kind of dessert, etc.
So I guess I'm expected to add what I'm bringing and mail it back.
Then it said:
No alcoholic drinks will be provided so if you indulge, bring your own.
And they call this a party?????
Send back the invititation and under your name put that your are bringing yourself (and your family, if applicable)
So, one year, I found the cake after dinner (there were so many people they ate everywhere in the house) and she was in the kitchen and I in the dinning room and I cut that cake in slices and said real loud, 'Who Wants CAKE!" She couldn't say anything because she didn't know I was aware of her little scam.
Getting the cake was really no big deal regardless of what she did with it - messing with her was funny as hell though.
I guess I have a slightly different view of things than most of the friends responding here. When those of us in my circle of family and friends host a party, everyone else just naturally knows there is a lot of work involved in getting the house cleaned and set up before, making sure there are enough tables and chairs around, and then cleaning up afterward. We view the occasion as a time to get together and enjoy each others company. Now the host or hostess always provides a portion of the meal, but unless we are told otherwise, we expect to help with the food, and many times requests are not just general. My older sister makes really "killer" pies, and will usually be asked to make some. and if it is the proper season, Cranberry-Apple is specified. My younger sister makes this heavenly casserole with broccoli, cauliflower, cheese, onions, and I don't know what all else. We always just say "It's time to have a party. Sis needs to clean out the fridge again." My Mom, when she was still living and able, was always asked to make her potato salad. DW has a recipe for a taco salad that has yet to have any left over to bring home and that is usually requested.
Perhaps the OPs mother has a lasagna that is really special and adds greatly to the quality of food offerings. I wouldn't say that she should feel obligated to feed the entire party the main course as others are likely being asked to bring food also, but perhaps look at it as a compliment that her lasagna is desired enough to be requested. (Not quite sure about the water request though, unless the lasagna is especially spicy.) Background and regional traditions come in to play here.
I guess the thing is really in your viewpoint. Is this person "hosting" the party or "throwing" the party, and just what is your definition of "hosting". Perhaps the OP could consider throwing a party and showing how it "should" be done.
That being said, never go to a party if you are going to feel resentful and question the motive behind your invitation. Just say, "No thanks. I have other plans." They don't need to know your other plans are just to avoid the party.
I guess I have a slightly different view of things than most of the friends responding here. When those of us in my circle of family and friends host a party, everyone else just naturally knows there is a lot of work involved in getting the house cleaned and set up before, making sure there are enough tables and chairs around, and then cleaning up afterward. We view the occasion as a time to get together and enjoy each others company. Now the host or hostess always provides a portion of the meal, but unless we are told otherwise, we expect to help with the food, and many times requests are not just general. My older sister makes really "killer" pies, and will usually be asked to make some. and if it is the proper season, Cranberry-Apple is specified. My younger sister makes this heavenly casserole with broccoli, cauliflower, cheese, onions, and I don't know what all else. We always just say "It's time to have a party. Sis needs to clean out the fridge again." My Mom, when she was still living and able, was always asked to make her potato salad. DW has a recipe for a taco salad that has yet to have any left over to bring home and that is usually requested.
Perhaps the OPs mother has a lasagna that is really special and adds greatly to the quality of food offerings. I wouldn't say that she should feel obligated to feed the entire party the main course as others are likely being asked to bring food also, but perhaps look at it as a compliment that her lasagna is desired enough to be requested. (Not quite sure about the water request though, unless the lasagna is especially spicy.) Background and regional traditions come in to play here.
I guess the thing is really in your viewpoint. Is this person "hosting" the party or "throwing" the party, and just what is your definition of "hosting". Perhaps the OP could consider throwing a party and showing how it "should" be done.
That being said, never go to a party if you are going to feel resentful and question the motive behind your invitation. Just say, "No thanks. I have other plans." They don't need to know your other plans are just to avoid the party.
It seems as though what you are talking about for yourself, you are all close, no? This woman who is having the party - she never invites my mother over any other time, nor do they hang out together. They were coworkers at one time and see each other only this one time a year, and rarely even talk on the phone.
I certainly would not have a party, invite ex-coworkers that I would see only that one time per year, and then request that they provide all the food.
Close family and friends, that's one thing. This is quite another thing.
I would like to add that when my family was much bigger (people have moved, people have passed on so we no longer do these things), our get together's were like yours. Aunt D always made her killer fruit salad; my grandmother made her famous refrigerator cake, etc.
But again, we were family/friends who were very close and got together many times a year even when a birthday/holiday wasn't happening.
I agree, with familiar friends and family gatherings with usually lots of people, everyone brings something, and expects to.
I'm talking of being invited to dinner somewhere, with perhaps six to eight people that you may not see that often, and then asked to bring a certain dish.
And if asked to bring a lasagna of all things, would really irk me. If I wanted to go to all that trouble and expense, I'd have my own dinner party.
But to request it from someone whom you seldom see, and then hoard it for yourself afterwards, is beyond words.
Last edited by stone-ground; 08-23-2011 at 10:26 AM..
I agree, with familiar friends and family gatherings with usually lots of people, everyone brings something, and expects to.
I'm talking of being invited to dinner somewhere, with perhaps six to eight people that you may not see that often, and then asked to bring a certain dish.
And if asked to bring a lasagna of all things, would really irk me. If I wanted to go to all that trouble and expense, I'd have my own dinner party.
But to request it from someone whom you seldom see, and then hoard it for yourself afterwards, is beyond words.
Exactly!
I wouldn't even ask my best friend to do that. If she insisted, fine. But I would never ask her to.
I have been annoyed by that too; if I am to bring my meat to grill and favorite side, oh, and my drink, why not just stay home and do it? Still, I just go with it...
I also got the reverse where we had a small get together and a friend asked what to bring, I said, "nothing, don't worry we have it covered,." They brought an appetizer, a main dish, a side, and a dessert--okay---I just went with it.
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