Cell phone bill issue with my mother... am I being logical?

[The Man in SATX]

Originally Posted by fierce_flawless

Okay, I didn't really know where to put this. As it relates to my stormy relationship with my mom I guessed it best to put it in Relationships but if the mods want to move it they will. It's a bit complicated and I want input as to whether or not I am understanding this the logical and correct way.

History: Two years ago (or so) my mother surprised me on my birthday with a Razr (the original, when they were kinda new) cell phone and service via TMobile.

She had entered a contract for service for her own benefit, and being a new customer they of course offered her another line cheap and the phones free and all that jazz. I think she paid $30 for the activation.

The total monthly bill was around $60 after taxes, for 2 lines, and she acknowledged that this was a gift but also said something along the lines of "Later on when you can help me pay the bill that would be appreciated." I was a bit annoyed by this but at the same time, I DID need a cell phone and after a few months (I was out of a job at the time) I did start paying half of the bill.

I was sharing the phone with my teenage son, since I worked from home, he would take it when he went to a friends house so I could reach him when needed. Fast forward a bit; my mom decided that my son should have his own phone, and added a line, and we also discussed adding another line for my partner, so at this time (when the lines were added) the phones for these lines were free with contract renewal, which would have happened regardless once my mom decided my son "needed" his own phone.

At the same time my partner's sister was ending her TMobile contract so she very generously gave my son a Sidekick phone and my mom decided to add internet service for him since he had the internet-capable phone. We all ended up with new phones (free with contract) and the Razr, which had been problematic for a while, went into a drawer to be a backup phone.

She said she would pay for her and my son's service, and we would pay for ours (me and my partner). Adding a line is $9.99 a month but with internet it is $19.99. Then my mom decided to add unlimited texting which is $20 a month for all of us and she upped the shared minutes on the plan as well, so the total bill was now about $110 a month broken down like this:

Basic family plan w/shared minutes: $60 (two lines included)
Add-line with internet for my son: $20
Add-line for my partner $9.99 (original 2 lines were for me and mom)
Add unlimited texting for everyone: $20, but divided by 3 of us really as the internet plan includes unlimited texting.

So the way I figure it, the logical way to share the bill is like this:

Basic plan divided by 2: $30 my share
Additional line for my partner: $10 more
Split of unlimited text costs: $14 more (figure 20 a month divided by 3 and rounded up to $7 a month)

So the total we'd pay is about $55 and my mom would pay about $60 since she offered from the beginning to pay for my son's phone and the internet service was HER idea.. so if she pays for her and my son's phones:

Basic plan divided by 2: $30 her share
Additional line for son: $19.99 a month
Her share of unlimited text costs: $7 a month

Either way it is almost a 50/50 split with my mom paying a TINY bit more due to my son's internet... but in reality we just called it 50/50 and paid half of every bill. Okay so enough of that.

All fine and dandy until my son screwed up big time and spent 5 hours on the phone with some girl, effectively using up everyone's minutes for the month all in one night. We never ran out of minutes so no one paid any attention, having no idea this had taken place, and we were ALL using the phone from that point forward on PEAK minute rates.. without a clue about it. All of us were guilty on not checking the minute usage. My son confessed to me about this call but he didn't realize that it had put us all into overage at the time either. He said "I don't know what it will cause but I will pay for it, I promise!"

Bottom line: an $800 surprise phone bill!! My mother went into ORBIT as you can imagine. Everyone's individual bill was right around $200 give or take five bucks so no one person was guiltier than the other (WELL, except for my son who used up all the free minutes in the first place)...

My mom didn't get onto my son about this though... she screamed at ME. Then she cut off my partner's phone line! Just hers, no one else's. Certainly not my son's! He's her "baby" and can do no wrong. Don't get me wrong, he is a great kid who did a stupid thing and took responsibility (he has since paid me back)... but my mom thinks his poop doesn't stink.

In the end we (my partner and I) paid $600 of this bill. My mother paid the remainder. So I effectively paid for me, my son, and my partner's portion. I certainly didn't point out to my mom that she agreed to pay my son's bill in the first place. I wanted to pay all of it because regardless, it is my kid who did this... but I didn't have $800 so I paid $600.

Is this the fair way to have handled payment of this bill?

The issue has become a bigger issue because I am now behind on the "regular" bill and couldn't pay it in full for April and May because I was out of work. I've told my mom I will catch up ASAP and I have paid for June and July and we have been very very careful with the usage, basically allowing her almost all of the shared minutes, using only 40 minutes a month out of those minutes (between the THREE of us, me, myself, and my partner)... yet she is harping on it constantly and recently sent my PARTNER a very hateful text message telling her not to use the cell phone for 1-800 numbers as it "uses air time" (it was a 2 minute call and was within the included plan minutes) or she was going to "cut her off"!

When my partner pointed out that we'd only used a total of 40 minutes that month and that the 800 calls are not "toll" or extra or anything my mom told her not to get attitude about a phone she wasn't paying for.

Still, even when she realized we were not going to be able to pay in full and we told her right away (I got laid off a week before my partner did) she still kept my son's internet connection on there even though he TOLD her to cut it off for the time being to save money!

Oh, and she offered to get him a health club membership and then sent me a $50 check for my birthday. I haven't cashed it and am planning on sending it back with a note to use it for the phone bill that is apparently an issue plaguing her NIGHT and DAY.

So anyway she is being really nasty about this bill... and I am tempted to bring up the $800 bill because TECHNICALLY, didn't we pay my son's portion which she said she would pay? So technically didn't we over-pay by about $200, which would certainly cover our normal bill for April and May? See where I'm going with this?

Please understand, I am not trying to get out of paying the darn phone bill... I'm just reacting to my mother's nastiness and her crazy desire to pin EVERYTHING on my partner if something goes wrong while absolving her little darling (my son) of any and all responsibility... so would I be "correct" in pointing out to her that we basically paid in advance for those 2 months by paying my son's portion since she agreed from the get-go to pay HIS bill and hasn't so much as even cut off his internet service during all this, OR said a word to him about the whole issue of using up the minutes??

I know this is a bunch of drama but I wonder what you would do. But to answer that, you need to understand what a crazy you know what my mother is... I curse the day that she brought the stupid phone to me in the first place. I have lots of issues with her and this is just the one at the forefront right now.

Now I am bound by HER contract yet have no control over the phone usage or bill or plan. Oh and she keeps saying that she "paid for all those phones" when every single one was a "free with service" deal and she was going to renew the contract anyway. I had NOTHING to do with her decision to get my son a phone in the first place. I was planning on going POCKET for all of us before she took this on herself.

Prior to the $800 bill there had been no issue with us paying in full and on time but she was STILL acting crazy about it and constantly telling us not to do this or that with the phone (directory assistance call at $1.49 sent her through the roof even though we PAID IT, for example)...or having a fit when my son considered selling the sidekick (that my partner's sister gave him!!) to get a different kind of phone, it's a control issue for her like everything else.

To be quite frank with you.. I think you should have paid the whole bill and then made your son pay it back to you... since he is your son you are responsible for his actions... you deal with him by making him pay you back for inconveniencing everyone else...

But to be quite frank.. you and your SO (significant other) and your son should be on your own plan.. your mother needs to be out of this.. that way you do not have to deal with her on any part of this issue... you put the law down to your son and make him deal with his mistake.. not everyone else pay for his mistake.

Deal with your son first.. get him on a payment plan (not sure how old he is) and then get those three phones off of your mother's plan and you are finished dealing with her on this issue...

[The Man in SATX]

Originally Posted by bluegrassgirl

I agree with the others. You're an adult, your partner is an adult - get your own phone plan. If your mom wants and agrees to keep your son on her plan, then his behavior using the phone is her problem. Otherwise, it's up to you if you get him a phone or not. Case closed.

I do not agree here.. Fierce is the mother of the child.. the child will always be her responsibility no matter how you try to slice the pie... get off of the mother's phone plan.. period... and cut the mother out of this deal.. she wont have much to say then.

[Roselvr]

Originally Posted by mari4him

I am a TMobile subscriber so I understand how they work. Right now you are bound to the contract because of the renewal when adding the phones and the lines. However, my suggestion would be that once the contract is over, do not renew the lines. Let your mother keep her's and your son's if you so wish. But yours and your partner's, nope, don't renew them. Get your own if necessary and that will eliminate the problem of how much you have to give her or the covering of any overages your son may have in the future. It will be between her and him then.

My mother has a similar arrangement with me with the exception that my being a single mother on a tight budget, and her being able to afford it, she simply covered the bill. Now that I am married, I have taken over the payments for mine and my daughter's, while she continues to cover my son's because it is actually 2 seperate accounts and his phone is on hers. She states she would pay the same with or without him as it is a family plan.

If you are having other issues with your mom, I am sure this is not helping any. Therefore, you need to figure out how to cut back the issues wherever possible. In reading your post, I was unclear as to what is the total amount of the bill right now, every month, for all 4 phones, plan and additional services. Understanding that clearly, I may be able to offer some other suggestions but without being able to clearly make that out, it is a bit difficult.

Since you also use Tmobile, you can probably answer this. What exactly does the mother see on her bill, phone call wise? With Verizon, all we see are minutes used unless we go online, then we can get the detailed bill where it will show us what phone is calling what number and for how long.

My thing is, I wonder if the SO is doing something that the mother doesn't like but the mother is not coming out and saying it.

Originally Posted by fierce_flawless

History: Two years ago (or so) my mother surprised me on my birthday with a Razr (the original, when they were kinda new) cell phone and service via TMobile.

The total monthly bill was around $60 after taxes, for 2 lines, and she acknowledged that this was a gift but also said something along the lines of "Later on when you can help me pay the bill that would be appreciated." I was a bit annoyed by this but at the same time, I DID need a cell phone and after a few months (I was out of a job at the time) I did start paying half of the bill.

I was sharing the phone with my teenage son, since I worked from home, he would take it when he went to a friends house so I could reach him when needed.

She said she would pay for her and my son's service, and we would pay for ours (me and my partner). Adding a line is $9.99 a month but with internet it is $19.99. Then my mom decided to add unlimited texting which is $20 a month for all of us and she upped the shared minutes on the plan as well, so the total bill was now about $110 a month broken down like this:

Basic family plan w/shared minutes: $60 (two lines included)
Add-line with internet for my son: $20
Add-line for my partner $9.99 (original 2 lines were for me and mom)
Add unlimited texting for everyone: $20, but divided by 3 of us really as the internet plan includes unlimited texting.

So the way I figure it, the logical way to share the bill is like this:

Basic plan divided by 2: $30 my share
Additional line for my partner: $10 more
Split of unlimited text costs: $14 more (figure 20 a month divided by 3 and rounded up to $7 a month)

So the total we'd pay is about $55 and my mom would pay about $60 since she offered from the beginning to pay for my son's phone and the internet service was HER idea.. so if she pays for her and my son's phones:

Basic plan divided by 2: $30 her share
Additional line for son: $19.99 a month
Her share of unlimited text costs: $7 a month

I think the bill split is ok, you are paying almost as much as she is. The thing is, isn't there taxes and other charges? While the bill might be $110, if you add taxes it is probably more. If you don't know, you should ask about that.

Originally Posted by fierce_flawless

All fine and dandy until my son screwed up big time and spent 5 hours on the phone with some girl, effectively using up everyone's minutes for the month all in one night.

Was it my daughter? lol
How old is your son? Is he old enough to work? If he is, it sounds like he needs to start bringing home a paycheck, especially since you are not working.

Anyway, everyone's kid at some time has done this. My daughter has talked a lot before texting was added, a friend of hers had an $800 phone bill as well, her phone was taken away. With the friend, she was on her dad's (live in) girlfriends plan, so that made it a problem.

Originally Posted by fierce_flawless

Bottom line: an $800 surprise phone bill!! My mother went into ORBIT as you can imagine. Everyone's individual bill was right around $200 give or take five bucks so no one person was guiltier than the other (WELL, except for my son who used up all the free minutes in the first place)...

My mom didn't get onto my son about this though... she screamed at ME. Then she cut off my partner's phone line! Just hers, no one else's. Certainly not my son's!

Originally Posted by fierce_flawless

He's her "baby" and can do no wrong. Don't get me wrong, he is a great kid who did a stupid thing and took responsibility (he has since paid me back)... but my mom thinks his poop doesn't stink.

Are you jealous of the relationship your mom has with your son?
Is he her 1st grandchild or 1st boy grandchild? It happens. Some times one kid will be the apple of their eyes & they are able to overlook things they do.

I also see that you have issues with your mother, how many of the issues are due to you being in a same sex relationship? Think of it this way, you were involved with men at some point, now you are with a woman. I have a friend that called me a few years ago to say she was with a woman; her mother has a hard time with it. You are probably around the same age as us, late 30's, early 40's; so your mother was from a different time. It appears that your mother doesn't like your SO & is taking it out on her, which she shouldn't do BTW and I agree it was out of line.

Has she given the phone back to your SO?

Originally Posted by fierce_flawless

In the end we (my partner and I) paid $600 of this bill. My mother paid the remainder. So I effectively paid for me, my son, and my partner's portion. I certainly didn't point out to my mom that she agreed to pay my son's bill in the first place. I wanted to pay all of it because regardless, it is my kid who did this... but I didn't have $800 so I paid $600.

Is this the fair way to have handled payment of this bill?

Sorry but I agree with those that say that since it is your kid, you should pay the bill. I also think that right now, although the plan is in your mothers name, if you are going to be responsible for 1/2 of the bill that you should be able to go online and log in, be able to see details of the plan. You should also be able to pay online, so if you get an extra $10 here & there, you can put it towards the bill.

You said that she gave you the phone 2 years ago, how long has the other 2 numbers been on the plan and when they were added did she sign a new contract? Do you know the exact date of the contract end? What are the chances of you & your mom going to a TMobile store and have them pull the account up to see if there is anything they can do to split your & your SO's number off of her account and into your own? Verizon allows this, or they did 2 years ago when my son did it. It wasn't considered canceling the contract.

Originally Posted by fierce_flawless

When my partner pointed out that we'd only used a total of 40 minutes that month and that the 800 calls are not "toll" or extra or anything my mom told her not to get attitude about a phone she wasn't paying for.

The only way around this is for your partner to not use the phone at all. I'm sorry she is being singled out but it doesn't sound like your mother likes her & if I was your partner, I sure as heck wouldn't be using the phone any more. As was mentioned look at Tracfone, I just looked for my area, cheapest phone is $30 - includes 120 minutes.

Originally Posted by fierce_flawless

Still, even when she realized we were not going to be able to pay in full and we told her right away (I got laid off a week before my partner did) she still kept my son's internet connection on there even though he TOLD her to cut it off for the time being to save money!

Logically, yes, it would save money and I see no reason for your son to even have internet on his phone but cutting it out is not going to give her credit towards the old bill.

Originally Posted by fierce_flawless

Oh, and she offered to get him a health club membership and then sent me a $50 check for my birthday. I haven't cashed it and am planning on sending it back with a note to use it for the phone bill that is apparently an issue plaguing her NIGHT and DAY.

What she offers to give your son has nothing to do with the old bill.
Cash the $50 check, then go online or go to TMobile and pay the $50 towards your (old) bill.

Originally Posted by fierce_flawless

So anyway she is being really nasty about this bill... and I am tempted to bring up the $800 bill because TECHNICALLY, didn't we pay my son's portion which she said she would pay? So technically didn't we over-pay by about $200, which would certainly cover our normal bill for April and May? See where I'm going with this?

I don't think your mother realized the damage a kid could do with a cell. The minute that you decided to go in 1/2 with her on the bill, your son's usage became your problem. If the plan was just your mother & son then perhaps she should just eat the bill, but he is your son, and technically after he used the minutes, he probably did not use his phone much but you and your partner did, making it look like you 2 ran up the bill. Do you have a copy of the actual phone bills, who called what number and for how long for the month in question?

Originally Posted by fierce_flawless

Now I am bound by HER contract yet have no control over the phone usage or bill or plan. Oh and she keeps saying that she "paid for all those phones" when every single one was a "free with service" deal and she was going to renew the contract anyway. I had NOTHING to do with her decision to get my son a phone in the first place. I was planning on going POCKET for all of us before she took this on herself.

Sure she paid for them even if they were free. Had she not signed up for the plan you wouldn't even have a phone.

In hindsight, you should have not accepted the phone to begin with, or when she added your son, you should have just given him your phone and moved along with your plan to do POCKET. When he got the sidekick, all she had to do was change the phone model. You willingly went along with adding your son, then partner.

The best I can say is you need to get some ground rules and you need to do it now. You need to include who will be responsible for the bill if your son does that again. As I mentioned, while it may have been your son originally that used the minutes, your partner & yourself added to that. I think that your SO should stop using the phone for calling anyone but you or your son.

Originally Posted by fierce_flawless

Prior to the $800 bill there had been no issue with us paying in full and on time but she was STILL acting crazy about it and constantly telling us not to do this or that with the phone (directory assistance call at $1.49 sent her through the roof even though we PAID IT, for example)...or having a fit when my son considered selling the sidekick (that my partner's sister gave him!!) to get a different kind of phone, it's a control issue for her like everything else.

If you don't like being controlled, get yourself out of the situation. Since you said you can't do that right now, then you will have to live by her rules. Why do you need to call directory assistance? You obviously have a computer, go to bigyellow.com; they have business pages, then you can also click the people pages tab to get phone numbers. You can also do reverse checks such as phone numbers to get names & addresses.

Where there is a will there is a way. Get yourself a part time job go repay the $800 bill, then work to buy out of the plan if you can't switch your & your SO's number to your own plan.

[dreamofmonterey]

I just skimmed this post. Wish this was the biggest problem in life I had.

At least your Mom is still alive and offered to pay.