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Yes money is part of the bigger picture, I'm not going to be vague about it. It's hard to watch her do so much and spend money on the aunt who has much more (and has never worked). Everyone my mother does stuff for has more financial assets than she does. My parents do well for themselves but the whole thing is hard to understand for me. Again I'm starting to think it's a different generation thing...because I dont know ANYONE my age who would ever do this.
It's not a generational thing. You seem to think the person with the most money should automatically pay, even to events they're invited to, but that's not how it works in any generation.
By your own definintion though, you're just as much as "mooch" as any of the others.
Edit: unless something is designated as a "potluck" at the time the invitation is issued, there should be no expectation that they "bring something."
I personally enjoy hosting and wouldn't want to deal with some unexpected hodgepodge of stuff that people felt they had to bring along.
Last edited by Metlakatla; 12-01-2023 at 11:34 AM..
It's not a generational thing. You seem to think the person with the most money should automatically pay, even to events they're invited to, but that's not how it works in any generation.
By your own definintion though, you're just as much as "mooch" as any of the others.
Edit: unless something is designated as a "potluck" at the time the invitation is issued, there should be no expectation that they "bring something."
I personally enjoy hosting and wouldn't want to deal with some unexpected hodgepodge of stuff that people felt they had to bring along.
Like 3 different recipes of green bean casseroles, and one of the recipes you don't even like. ;-P
My mom still works full time...unlike the aunt who basically treats my mom as an indentured servant.
Your mom is 70 years old and still works full time? Wow.
But wait...one of your aunts offers up her home for these meals, right? Soooo...this aunt makes sure the house is clean and company ready. You seem to think this is no big thing.
And the other aunt invites EVERYONE out to eat 2x a year and picks up that tab.
I don't understand why you act like this isn't enough. Your aunts are generous in THEIR way.
It's not a generational thing. You seem to think the person with the most money should automatically pay, even to events they're invited to, but that's not how it works in any generation.
By your own definintion though, you're just as much as "mooch" as any of the others.
Edit: unless something is designated as a "potluck" at the time the invitation is issued, there should be no expectation that they "bring something."
I personally enjoy hosting and wouldn't want to deal with some unexpected hodgepodge of stuff that people felt they had to bring along.
I agree with you Met. It is not a generational thing at all. It is a personality thing.
If you are a transactional type of person, you look at relationships like this: "If I do this for you, what will you do for me." That appears to be the mindset of the OP. But she wants this for her mother. Mom, however does not view family as a transactional enterprise.
The OP is also rather rigid in her thinking for such a young person.
She feels that her way is the ONLY way. Despite all the many kind and gently stated posts the OP has received, she is not open to any of it. It holds zero sway with her. Not once has she acknowledged that maybe something else could work out to the advantage of her, her children, her husband and her Mom.
It she's looking for posters who echo her grievances, she's come to the wrong place.
ETA:
I'm also thinking some of this 'not getting along' may be traced, in part, to differing political views. I've seen that cause serious splits in families, too. I'm thinking it contributes a little bit to this family strife. We'll never know of course.....
Last edited by Shallow Hal; 12-01-2023 at 01:29 PM..
It's not a generational thing. You seem to think the person with the most money should automatically pay, even to events they're invited to, but that's not how it works in any generation.
By your own definintion though, you're just as much as "mooch" as any of the others.
Edit: unless something is designated as a "potluck" at the time the invitation is issued, there should be no expectation that they "bring something."
I personally enjoy hosting and wouldn't want to deal with some unexpected hodgepodge of stuff that people felt they had to bring along.
I agree with this. There is generally only one oven, one microwave and four burners on a stove. Yes, some kitchens have an extra oven or what have you but there is a limit to how many dishes your kitchen can warm up and, unless it is a potluck where everyone signs up to bring a dish, the host/hostess usually wants the table to look a certain way - not a mix of random casserole dishes.
I've never heard of a host/hostess expecting a cash contribution from the guests. A cover like that is something that you pay at a fraternity party to get access to keg beer.
It IS a generational thing. For generations, elder females cooked and hosted family dinners. Now, if families get together at all, it's usually at a restaurant. I asked how old you are, but you didn't answer. Now we know it's at least 30, but I'll bet it's not much more.
It IS a generational thing. For generations, elder females cooked and hosted family dinners. Now, if families get together at all, it's usually at a restaurant. I asked how old you are, but you didn't answer. Now we know it's at least 30, but I'll bet it's not much more.
It IS a generational thing. For generations, elder females cooked and hosted family dinners. Now, if families get together at all, it's usually at a restaurant. I asked how old you are, but you didn't answer. Now we know it's at least 30, but I'll bet it's not much more.
I think we all understand that. When I said it wasn't generational, I was talking about the attitude about money.
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