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A person online found my profile on a social media website. While there was a bit verification on both my profile of his profile that we were real people, we'd never met before. He invited me to a party at his place.
Naturally, I asked him why me and he said it was just random.
On his invite, he even posted an article about the history of a party and how the joy of just meeting people casually is fun and that there aren't any particular expectations besides dressing casually nice (collared shirt and pants) would be good.
After all that, I thought nothing of all this.
I got permission to invite a friend or two of mine to the party since I wouldn't know anyone there, but none of them could make it.
'=====================
At the party itself, one of the host's good friends asked me why I was picked to come to the party.
I told him through respective social media platform.
He asked me why.
I said it was a random choice.
He pushed further and asked but why. He explained his friend always has a reason why he does so.
All I could tell him was that I do not know more specifically why and this is all I was told.
I am not sure if the host was nearby enough to hear, but the two of us and the host looked at each other briefly and then the topic changed.
I asked a few friends and my therapist about the above.
After all that, I reached out to the host privately and mentioned that situation above.
I asked him if he was considering building a deeper friendship or even something more than that.
He didn't answer the question and just said we'd meet at more events through social media platform.
He also asked me to slow down. I felt like I would just be permanently another number with that kind of response and lack of transparency.
Normally, I wouldn't have pried, but the context of the prior lead me to.
It also lead me to because I had interest in building more than just a networking connection that might go nowhere.
I already do enough networking at work.
I know things need time to build, but then when context gives chance for more, I usually take that chance. And if it doesn't work out, I just want to move on.
I feel like we live in a world that's too paranoid sometimes.
And, it's not like there wasn't sufficient context in this case.
Well, it's not very flattering to be told you were just chosen randomly. And then later to learn that the host always has a reason, there are no random guests. WTH?! And when you contact him afterwards (hopefully you'd messaged him a thank-you?) for clarification, his only response is to "slow down"? What does that even mean? Slow what down?
But it seems he was looking to expand his social circle. He could have just said that. That's pretty open-ended. It leaves open the question: "expand his social circle to what end? With what goal in mind?" Well....to see if he clicks with any new people, possibly. Fill in the blanks yourself.
I agree with you; I don't like the way he handled your follow-up.
Well, it's not very flattering to be told you were just chosen randomly. And then later to learn that the host always has a reason, there are no random guests. WTH?! And when you contact him afterwards (hopefully you'd messaged him a thank-you?) for clarification, his only response is to "slow down"? What does that even mean? Slow what down?
But it seems he was looking to expand his social circle. He could have just said that. That's pretty open-ended. It leaves open the question: "expand his social circle to what end? With what goal in mind?" Well....to see if he clicks with any new people, possibly. Fill in the blanks yourself.
I agree with you; I don't like the way he handled your follow-up.
Thank you Ruth4Truth.
I did remember to thank him in-person and even online afterward.
I'm glad you understand the situation.
His "slow down" response was in reference to not "defining the relationship" to build a social connection or something more. It wasn't natural enough for him. But his friend slightly grilling me like that beforehand wasn't natural for me either. I didn't like that he didn't take this moment to create something more positive out of it. It really turned me off socially.
He works in social media and I feel like his type of responses work well with his work and social media in general. They might not work with particular context and people that have different feelings and outlooks than him though.
I think E-Twist's response would normally be right, but given the context, I feel like it's actually off since me and you see it different than E-Twist.
If not for one of the host's good friends saying this to me, I would not have brought this up.
Part of the reason I asked for more specific reasons is because I personally desired a positive outcome in any of those possibilities too (building friendship or more).
I also explained to the host, but not until after that party, that I prefer meeting in smaller groups.
I also understand that building things normally can "require" meeting in bigger groups to try to slowly connect at the beginning. But if I'm not enjoying myself after several times or so, I'm not going to keep going either. I'm pretty busy myself and I prefer to optimize my time and energy because life is short too.
You are overthinking. He just randomly invites people to fill a quota.
I would have done more thinking before hand though. Going to a strangers house ... uhm.. you got lucky it was not a murderer or you find yourself drugged and gang raped.
I would have done more thinking before hand though. Going to a strangers house ... uhm.. you got lucky it was not a murderer or you find yourself drugged and gang raped.
I agree. And when the other party goer said “he always has a reason”, that was just creepy.
A word of caution, do not go to stranger’s houses.
So this person is inviting random strangers to his house? And no one knows why?
Agreed. Someone you don't know, who also doesn't have any of the same contacts that you do, invites you to his house? And then you GO?!?! And you don't know anyone, but apparently you talked with his "good friend" (how would you even know that??) who didn't know why you were there but didn't buy the "random" excuse. Then the host says to chill out and you will meet again.
What kind of social get-together was this? Do you at least share a common interest like hiking, gaming, tacos?? How did he find you "on social media"?
While I'm not known for being suspicious or overly paranoid, if someone couldn't explain why they dug me up on SM or selected me to attend some event I would probably decline. They're displaying a weird lack of interest. To give the impression they consider you a random warm body they could take or leave is mildly insulting and dismissive. Chances are I'd end up being bored to tears standing around trying to make small talk with a bunch of random strangers anyway. The social equivalent to tossing a bucket of paint on a barn and hoping something sticks.
Last edited by Parnassia; 01-30-2023 at 04:39 PM..
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