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Maybe I'm misremembering, but isn't the OP a woman (who has identified as being on the autism spectrum, maybe)? Or am I mixing them up with someone else? And if so, I do apologize, ChessImprov!
Maybe I'm misremembering, but isn't the OP a woman (who has identified as being on the autism spectrum, maybe)? Or am I mixing them up with someone else? And if so, I do apologize, ChessImprov!
Someone else. ChessImprov, IIRC, is gay. Definitely not autistic to any degree.
There were two questions. One is whether or not the host had a reason to invite you. The second is whether or not the host wanted a deeper connection. I would have wanted a satisfying explanation for the first question which was brought up by a friend of the host before wanting an answer for the second. That is where I get the impression that you were moving too fast.
Maybe the OP has a special characteristic that was underrepresented among the attendees and he was needed to make up the numbers.
To quote Richard in Silicon Valley, "You know, you could be a a twink, a bear, an otter, a circuit queen, a chub, a pup, a gipster, a daddy chaser, a leatherman, a lady boy. You could be a Donald Duck, which is a gay guy who got kicked out of the Navy."
I'm wondering if no one should be surprised, that people use social media networking sites for socializing, as well as for professional networking. They were both members of a writers' SM site, and both had written about related topics, i.e. had certain topics as a common interest, if I understood the OP's follow-up post correctly. Maybe it's a no-brainer...?
But I still think the host handled the OP's questions poorly. Social skills don't seem to be his strength. He doesn't seem to realize how odd or awkward it may feel to some guests, to be invited to a gathering by a complete stranger, and told they were a completely randomly-chosen guest. As if someone had thrown a dart at a collection of photos on a dartboard, and the OP won that particular lottery. Then, cryptically, being told by a friend of the host, that no guests are ever randomly chosen. (Though the host probably has no idea the OP was told that.)
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 01-31-2023 at 02:57 PM..
I agree. And when the other party goer said “he always has a reason”, that was just creepy.
A word of caution, do not go to stranger’s houses.
First part is a bit strange but people can be strange. 2nd part with his friend grilling you is getting into bizarre. Be wary of people out there. Something can easily be a setup. And I crashed at a lot of parties in my younger days. House parties were pretty common as night life on the town was a bit sparse. Lots of people showed up at parties and some crashed on the couches, like me. That was in the 70's, another whole era. Many of us were lucky to get through it, some didn't. I wouldn't want my daughters doing a lot of what I did back then.
While I'm not known for being suspicious or overly paranoid, if someone couldn't explain why they dug me up on SM or selected me to attend some event I would probably decline. They're displaying a weird lack of interest. To give the impression they consider you a random warm body they could take or leave is mildly insulting and dismissive. Chances are I'd end up being bored to tears standing around trying to make small talk with a bunch of random strangers anyway. The social equivalent to tossing a bucket of paint on a barn and hoping something sticks.
.......After all that, I reached out to the host privately and mentioned that situation above.
I asked him if he was considering building a deeper friendship or even something more than that.
He didn't answer the question and just said we'd meet at more events through social media platform.
He also asked me to slow down. I felt like I would just be permanently another number with that kind of response and lack of transparency.
....... And if it doesn't work out, I just want to move on.
You weren't asking a question in this thread, so I'm guessing you were just wanting to relate an incident. But in spite of you not asking a question I'll say my interpretation of the whole story is that you don't know how to read social cues very well, you have no sense of self preservation and the host doesn't want anything more to do with you.
After meeting you in person the host decided you weren't interesting enough the way he hoped you might be, and that you are socially inept and insecure in his observation of your social interactions and naïveté. Even his friends were surprised that you were invited to the party.
Then you annoyed him by putting pressure on him with you asking to know more about what his intentions towards you were and he brushed you off and told you to slow down. Him brushing you off and telling you to slow down means he was regretting having ever invited you to the party in the first place and that you should make yourself scarce and move on.
You said you feel like we live in a world that's too paranoid sometimes. That may be true, but you took a huge risk that most sensible people who value their lives would never do. I feel you aren't paranoid enough, you aren't being careful about your own self preservation, and you're lucky if you haven't come to great harm yet. Keep on being incautious with strangers met online as you were in this instance and you are guaranteeing that great harm will befall you.
He didn't pass their test and he should be very glad that he didn't. This is beyond creepy. They were scouting, and not in a good way.
I totally agree with you, that was my immediate assessment too and OP is lucky it didn't turn out really bad for him. He must have a temporary guardian angel standing over his shoulder.
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