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I never said I'd want to place to myself all the time. Just that each person could take turns. A few days of the week, I get alone time. A few days of the week, they get alone time.
How are my expectations unfair? I'm not asking anybody to do anything that I wouldn't personally do.
I leave the house 11-12+ hours a day between work and other things. I'd give the other person plenty of alone time.
Don't you think there's an imbalance if I'm giving a roommate 10-12 hours of alone time, while I'm receiving nearly 0?
The thing is, you aren't "giving" the roommate alone time, that just happens to be your schedule. So your problem is..if this is an actual scenario, not hypothetical, that, when you have so little time at home, you wish to have the place to yourself. The only solution is to live alone.
So you really haven't told us the reason for all this. Do you have a roommate already, who is always there? Or are you planning to search for a roommate, and you want to make sure how to get one who won't be home a lot?
When advertising for a room mate..especially if you hold the lease and are just renting the room, you can make any specifications you want and be as particular as you want "must work outside the home" "work from homes need not apply" type stuff.
If you are already in this situation, and it is causing you this much anxiety and discomfort, you need to change your living arrangements.
So what's the deal? Do you have this roommate already? Do you share a lease on this place? If you do, simply notify the roommate that when the lease is up you'll be moving out, and start looking for a place you can afford to live alone. If you hold the lease and the roommate is just renting the room, give notice that you wish for him to move out, and tell him how much time he has.
Again-- do the two of you not have your own rooms? If so, why not just... use them?
For people who need a lot of solitude, that is not solitude. Being alone in the house is not the same as being in one room and another person in the house in another room. The OP clearly has needs of solitude above the average person (I do, too and fully sympathize) so in order to have the peace and solitude they crave, they are going to have to find a way to meet those needs. I have lived alone almost my entire adult life. It's the best.
For people who need a lot of solitude, that is not solitude. Being alone in the house is not the same as being in one room and another person in the house in another room. The OP clearly has needs of solitude above the average person (I do, too and fully sympathize) so in order to have the peace and solitude they crave, they are going to have to find a way to meet those needs. I have lived alone almost my entire adult life. It's the best.
I need a lot of solitude, as well. Hence why I said above that if I had a roommate, I would be in my room probably 80-90% of the time. Of course living alone is ideal, but when one doesn't have that choice, then one has to find as much solitude and privacy as they can. OP has said they don't want to live alone-- apparently they want to have their cake and eat it, too. So, spending time in their room is going to be the best compromise they're going to find between "having a roommate" and "not having a roommate."
I need a lot of solitude, as well. Hence why I said above that if I had a roommate, I would be in my room probably 80-90% of the time. Of course living alone is ideal, but when one doesn't have that choice, then one has to find as much solitude and privacy as they can. OP has said they don't want to live alone-- apparently they want to have their cake and eat it, too. So, spending time in their room is going to be the best compromise they're going to find between "having a roommate" and "not having a roommate."
I never said I'd want to place to myself all the time. Just that each person could take turns. A few days of the week, I get alone time. A few days of the week, they get alone time.
How are my expectations unfair? I'm not asking anybody to do anything that I wouldn't personally do.
I leave the house 11-12+ hours a day between work and other things. I'd give the other person plenty of alone time.
Don't you think there's an imbalance if I'm giving a roommate 10-12 hours of alone time, while I'm receiving nearly 0?
I'm not sure if you're talking about a current situation or a hypothetical one.
Whether your expectations are unfair depend on a couple of variables. Does the roommate know how you feel about this, or are you expecting the roommate to read your mind? Was this discussed when you moved in together?
Same thing with the imbalance question. The roommate may not even be aware of your need for "alone time."
If this situation is real and you haven't actually said anything to the person about it, you're being both unfair and unrealistic. If it had been established at the time you and the other person decided to room together that you would each get the place to yourself at certain times, and that isn't being honored anymore, you have a valid complaint.
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