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Unfortunately this is where we are as a society, especially with younger people. Punishing your friends for the omission will serve no purpose other than making you feel worse for longer. Forgive your friends silently and go to the party. Very sorry for your loss.
This is a great idea! It would not only let the OP off the hook at a difficult time, but would send a hint to the birthday person.
Agree. A non-aggressive way to make the point. Another thing to remember about people and losses; sometimes people (especially younger folks who may not have had such a loss themselves) feel awkward and worried about saying the wrong thing, so they don't say or do anything. Doesn't really excuse it but it might explain it.
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"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
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OP, it kind of sounds to me like you're turning your grief over your grandmother into anger. That happens - it's more comfortable to be angry than sad.
I think you should just say something at the birthday - I'm glad to get out with y'all because this week has been really hard for me losing my grandma, I've been really sad. That will allow them to say oh we're so sorry for your loss, and then you can move on.
Losing grandparents is we all will have to suffer, if we live long enough. Maybe because of that your friends didn't realize how hurt you'd be?
We have all levels of friends. How long have you known them? Did they know you cared about your grandma? Some people live far away from grandparents, seldom see them, and have no relationship with them. It may not occur to them that you lost someone you love. Or, they may be so self absorbed that you should seek new friends. You could always go to the party and cry your eyes out. That might get their attention.
I've never had a grandma, she died before I was born so I could not relate at all, but even if I had one I still can't relate because everyones relationships are different. But I would still text you sorry for your loss, probably text you to call me when you wanted to talk about it or things if we had a close relationship (or meet in person, probably the better choice tbh). Some people just don't handle or don't know HOW to handle a friend mourning through a death of the family, you don't want to say the wrong thing and offend them and what you do say never seems like it's enough.
Sorry for your loss though, losing someone is never a good feeling but try and remember the good times you had with her. Mourn and take it day by day.
First off - people don't know what to say and find it easier to say nothing. It's just the way it is. I had a friend complain about this once, so I do now try to offer a quick "I'm so sorry for your loss" the next time I see them.
Second off - I don't remember a single friend 'reaching out' to me when my grandmother died. I also don't remember even caring if they did or did not reach out to me. It would not even occur to me to care about that.
My sister just found out a dear friend of mine died a month ago and offered a me a quick condolence yesterday, I was not in the least bit concerned about the lack of acknowledgement from her prior to that....
Although, I do have to admit that I am not in the least bit sensitive. (no myers-briggs F)
How old are you and your friends? I find that even people in their 30's are pretty clueless about death, grieving, funerals, and how to interact with friends going through stuff like that. Are you the first of your friends to have a grandparent die? Most "kids" these days are very shielded from funerals and don't have a clue.
Two of my close friends didn’t reach out to me when my grandmother died three weeks ago. They definitely knew, but I have no idea why they didn’t at least text me or anything. Now, one of them is having a birthday dinner on the 26th and invited me (never mentioned anything about my loss). I debated whether I should even answer the text, but I did. I was pretty upset that they didn’t reach out to me three weeks ago, but I’m just not sure if should just forget about it and move on and go to the dinner.
Should I just let it go?
It seems like the issue isnt about your grandmother, but what you perceive people should do. You say you know they knew; how did they know? Its also happened nearly a month ago.
I think people mirror others when dealing with losses. Unless a friend of mine suffers a really close loss, Im not one to reach out to them. If they call me or tell me information on a loss, then Im there for them to talk or whatever they need and provide sympathy. People can't read your mind. If you want sympathy and understanding from people, you need to provide that too. Tell people how you feel. Dont assume people know.
My sister just found out a dear friend of mine died a month ago and offered a me a quick condolence yesterday, I was not in the least bit concerned about the lack of acknowledgement from her prior to that....
Some people are "scorekeepers" and others aren't.
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