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There was a bit of surprise that I didn't partake, but nothing major. It felt new, and a little offputting, to me because I haven't had to deal with such a situation before.
I went because I thought it would be a good idea to be perceived as part of the group. I'm not usually one to join in, but this class is a new beginning for me and, as the saying goes, 'if you do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.'
I'm confident that, given a few weeks, everyone will get used to me and this initial awkwardness will be a blip on the radar. I can joke around or spin a yarn with the best of 'em and I'm sure I'll find my place.
To answer your question, Ruth, I'm back on my home turf (humanities- English Lit to be precise) after a long hiatus and networking is esential. I need to keep on top of things like conferences, guest lectures and journals looking for articles so I can seize all the opportunities I didn't last time around.
The bolded is much more important to your career than hanging out with your group after class. Good for you! You actually sound very on-the-ball, OP. And it's admirable that you're pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone, with the group hang-out thing. Don't beat yourself up. I'm impressed!
Is it against your religion, or do you have a former substance abuse problem? If not, just hold the drink in your hands and join the conversation. If someone asks if you're ready for another say "no, I'm good". If they notice you're not keeping up say "oh, I'm not much of a drinker". How about "I'm not crazy about beer, I'm going to the bar to get a drink". Then nurse a juice or a n/a beverage. They dont need to know what you actually ordered. You don't owe an explanation, but you can avoid the appearance of not belonging in the group by just playing along.
Is it against your religion, or do you have a former substance abuse problem? If not, just hold the drink in your hands and join the conversation. If someone asks if you're ready for another say "no, I'm good". If they notice you're not keeping up say "oh, I'm not much of a drinker". How about "I'm not crazy about beer, I'm going to the bar to get a drink". Then nurse a juice or a n/a beverage. They dont need to know what you actually ordered. You don't owe an explanation, but you can avoid the appearance of not belonging in the group by just playing along.
Just my experience Good luck!
They can see with their own eyes that a juice isn't a beer. The OP already did that, but felt awkward anyway, for some reason.
OP, I don't drink. Not morality, religion, or anything else. I just don't like it. I have never ever had anyone give me a bad time about it. In fact, a built-in designated driver is often highly valued in a group of friends.
Just go. Socialize, be friendly, never say anything judgemental about the drinking, and the group will adjust to your non-drinking very quickly. Honestly, no one will think anything of it after the first few seconds.
I happen to really like a tonic with a lime wedge, or soda with a drop of bitters, so when out clubbing, I could order that and make it last a longer than a coke or juice, which I tend to drink down instead of slowly sipping it.
The bolded is much more important to your career than hanging out with your group after class. Good for you! You actually sound very on-the-ball, OP. And it's admirable that you're pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone, with the group hang-out thing. Don't beat yourself up. I'm impressed!
This is true, but if everyone goes out after class, you don't want make yourself an outsider unnecessarily.
One person was nice but slightly thoughtless in ordering a round of beer for everyone, because not everyone drinks, not everyone drinks beer, but the gesture was there. This doesn't have to be made out to be anymore than a nice gesture that would have been better if he asked if everyone wanted a beer first instead of assuming and ordering on everyone's behalf, but it doesn't mean anyone else even gave a second thought to the OP turning the drink down.
Go, order a drink to your liking, one that doesn't have to pretend to look like alcohol, and if everyone takes a turn buying drinks, chip in your share sometime, and get on with the group.
No, do NOT buy a round of drinks for everyone. You haven't done anything wrong. It would look like fawning or being ingratiating if you bought everyone a round of drinks.
If you missed going one time, so what. People have lives, people may be sick or not feeling well or had a bad day and want to be alone. So go next time. Ignore the whole drink issue, just get what you're comfortable with, whether water or coke or juice, no need to talk about it at all.
It is perfectly normal and natural to not drink yes even in a pub. So act like it's not a big deal because it is not a big deal. No need to lie or pretend or fake alcohol, those are all dishonest and wheedling and unnecessary and unhealthy behavior in my view.
If they have a problem with you not drinking, it's their problem. Not yours.
I don't drink and have not for the last 45 years. If people mention oh you don't drink or ask "do you not drink" I just smile and say "No I do not." Never a need to explain, justify, or defend. If the meeting is a class group, come prepared to visit with class members and ask them about assignments, reading list, their ideas, past lectures in class, anything related to class. That's why you are there. That is the topic of discussion. Not what is on your food plan.
I don't invite nondrinkers to join a group planning to go to a happy hour. So there is that - they were going to a tavern, not out to eat or an afternoon on a boat, both of which could involve drinking but that's not the purpose of those outings. The purpose of going to a tavern is to drink alcohol.
Seriously? Unless someone wants to have a certain menu item, you don't want to spend time with them? Do you do that with vegetarians, if you're going to a restaurant that sells meat dishes?
I've gone through phases where I drink, and times when I just don't want to. No one I like has ever given me a hard time. A simple "I don't feel like having some alcohol" works with most adults who aren't invested in other people getting drunk.
As to the last sentence, maybe when you first hit legal age and are excited about drinking alcohol in public.
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Good luck!
