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Some people have really good reason. I know a guy whose family wanted him to come back to India, and eventually get married. But they said one of his cousins had a great job for him so he went, hoping to make some good money. He was staying with his parents who immediately took his passport! And there was no job! They basically tried to keep him confined to the house. He had a helluva time getting back to the U.S. - he had to work through the American embassy (he had gotten U.S. citizenship) to get another passport. Since then he's had no contact with them - won't take their calls - it's been 5 years and they actually call almost every day he says.
This form of enslavement where children must take care of parents no matter what, I will never understand. Sorry if I seem harsh. I am so glad my parents have been fiscally responsible and have no intention of forcing me to financially provide for them in their old age. It's a whole different matter, though, if a child wants to voluntarily help because there is mutual respect and love in the parent-child relationship. I will definitely help my folks. (Other freeloading family members? No way.)
This form of enslavement where children must take care of parents no matter what, I will never understand. Sorry if I seem harsh. I am so glad my parents have been fiscally responsible and have no intention of forcing me to financially provide for them in their old age. It's a whole different matter, though, if a child wants to voluntarily help because there is mutual respect and love in the parent-child relationship. I will definitely help my folks. (Other freeloading family members? No way.)
Good for him. I'm glad he escaped this nightmare.
This is prevalent in a lot of cuultures. Parents fail to invest in their physical self and end up with a higher rate of alzheimers, heart, diabetic disease, and EXPECT their children to take care fo them. IT is looked down in many asian cultures to send your parents to a retirement house
This form of enslavement where children must take care of parents no matter what, I will never understand. Sorry if I seem harsh. I am so glad my parents have been fiscally responsible and have no intention of forcing me to financially provide for them in their old age. It's a whole different matter, though, if a child wants to voluntarily help because there is mutual respect and love in the parent-child relationship. I will definitely help my folks. (Other freeloading family members? No way.)
Good for him. I'm glad he escaped this nightmare.
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Originally Posted by throwitdontshowit
This is prevalent in a lot of cuultures. Parents fail to invest in their physical self and end up with a higher rate of alzheimers, heart, diabetic disease, and EXPECT their children to take care fo them. IT is looked down in many asian cultures to send your parents to a retirement house
Very true... they didn't want him to marry someone in the U.S. who wasn't an Indian so they had to lure him back home. It was really traumatic because it wasn't obvious at first what they were doing, they were stringing him along about the job and then getting him a ticket back for months. Now they email him saying his father is sick and he needs to come home but he'll never believe them again. It's very sad actually that they ended up just screwing themselves.
I wasn't happy with my family when I was younger. Went to therapy and they said to be selfish:
Do what is best for YOU.
If you feel better with no contact, then do that.
If you feel better with staying in contact, then do that but don't expect them to change or apologize.
Well put. But I can say, from experience, that you will still miss them when they are gone. Not a reason to participate in any sort of madness, just my personal perspective
Kinda hard to stay in contact with my brother who is suing me. Our lawyers talk but I will never talk to him again. I haven't talked to my sister since 2006? and don't miss her passive-aggressive ways; she also hasn't tried to contact me. Good riddence to bad rubbish.
I was thinking about your post. Wow! "no excuse short of being in the hospital" was good enough for aunt/uncle to miss a child's birthday party?!?!? Now, I could imagine that someone could be upset if you missed a once in a lifetime occasion like a nieces or nephews wedding but a freaking birthday party that comes every single year? That is so very wrong.
His exact words (I saved the message in case he ever came to me and wanted to reconcile): "Relegating this important day for her to a ‘I’m afraid I can’t make it this year’ because of whatever reason short of you are hooked up to a hospital bed somewhere is, in my view, inexcusable." The important day was her 9th birthday, by the way. To this day, I just don't get it.
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I am 63 and have eight nieces and nephews and, while I have attended a few of their birthday parties, it was more of a coincidence that I was visiting that weekend or the party was connected to a family holiday celebration or something like that.
That's pretty much my take on it; I told him that if it was a huge deal, it was because he had made it so in his own head, and/or made promises on my behalf, and was trying to recreate some kind of close family that had never really existed.
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Vasily, I'll give you a chuckle. I once had to leave my own birthday celebration early (due an unexpected work commitment) and no one was upset. My friends just kept on partying (it was held at a bar).
At my age, every day I'm still on the planet is a celebration!
Families just never get along, I barely talk to my uncles, aunts as they all seem very passive-aggressive and boring and so re my cousins, we just don't have nothing in common and we go part-ways from each other which helps.
I cut off my parents completely when I was about 30. My dad constantly pushed my buttons and I had no idea how to react to that, so I simply took the buttons out of his reach. Now, of course, I have a big mouth and I stand up for myself. I do talk to my mom now, since my dad died and she can't be witched out for talking to me. We never discuss my dad. She thinks he was a saint and at 85, I've decided it's easier on her to let her keep thinking that.
I kept in touch with my one brother all those years and he was very supportive. But in the last 6 or 7 years, he's become - I don't know what the word is - conservatilized? He is now a tea partier and froths at the mouth whenever Obama is mentioned. He also hates all people on welfare and thinks I am a lazy leech, living off the government. His biggest complaint is the bad life choice I made when I bought my dog. I bought my dog in 1978, by the way, when I was working full time and doing well, and the dog died 27 years ago. But according to him, that is the cause of ALL my present day problems. Seriously, he said that.
Needless to say, I cut off communication with him completely (I have enough crap in my life, I surely don't need any more from him), but if he decided he wanted to mend fences someday, I'd be willing to listen to him. As long as "mending fences" doesn't mean I have to listen to him spewing out what a load of garbage I am.
I haven't had any contact with my father for almost 20 years. He is an old man now. I cut him out of my life to escape abuse. I am older now, and have kids of my own. I am over all that has happened to me in the past. I do not want him in their lives for the same reason. It is unfortunate that it has to be that way, I wish him well regardless just not with me. My sister absolutely hates him and has not spoken to him in more than 20 years. I try to have limited relationships with people anyway, it is jusy easier. I love my sister but can only take her in small doses. Our personalities are just so different. I know that if I ever needed her she would be there and vice versa. If she needed a kidney, I would be there for her. I have an odd family. Our background and why we are thenway we are goes back to our grandparents. My father's mother was an absolute train wreck. My father had a very bad childhood. My mothers parents were more stable but eccentric and negative. I am eccentric as well, hey I admit it.
I had to break ties with my family after my mother died because "their true colors" were shown. It has been difficult because I would like my own family, but not in the conventional sense. I want to be part of a community. I am very lonely where I am now. And I hate it.
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