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DH did. Long, LONG story. DH's father passed away leaving mountains of credit card debts and no life insurance (religious reasons). All he left was a struggling business, which our daughter had been running for the past 12 years with DH's assistance (and would have been run into the ground by FIL had she and DH not stepped in). He also left a 25-year-old will with no mention of the business, since it was made long before the business was started. At the time of FIL's death, the shares of stock were worth nothing, and FIL's credit card debts were enormous. He and MIL received preapproved credit in the mail and thought they were "sent by the Lord", and signed for them. Whereby a life insurance policy was againt his religion. I know, it's crazy.
Said business has been doing much better since our daughter took over, and DH's sister and brother-in-law (with whom MIL is living) NOW want to protect "grandma's interests" by seeking money and/or a piece of the business. They sought an elder care attorney, who practically accused my daughter of "cheating grandma" out of what she was entitled to. She wanted nothing to do with the "mess" FIL left, and pretty much abandoned everything in our daughter's lap. It is obviously DH's sister and brother-in-law who want something. We got the clue last year when brother in law came to town unexpectedly, and came into the store's new location to scope it out. They assumed MIL had inherited FIL"s stock shares, but this was not the case...under corporate by-laws, they were returned to the corporation. They were thus under the assumption that MIL was now the "majority shareholder" and had controlling interest. Fail. They also questioned why daughter was now president of the corporation (after FIL's passing). MIL flat out REFUSED any office in the corporation.
MIL requested to sell her existing shares to our daughter, who had a sales agreement drawn up. Many months later, no response has been received. If DH's sister and brother-in-law believe THEY are going to inherit them when MIL passes, another FAIL. They go back into the corporation.
DH's sister and brother-in-law obviously think they are entitled to something (in the guise of "protecting" MIL's interests), after having done NOTHING to earn it. DH wrote them off, as did our daughter. There's NO MONEY. And our daughter WON'T stand for having them involved in the business.
Last edited by Mrs. Skeffington; 02-20-2016 at 06:09 AM..
My family is "COMPLETELY" in the grass, the Great Beyond, the Hereafter, the Happy Hunting Ground, other than a few pets I enjoy having around. That's life, it's all both inevitable and natural. I'm in my late 40s, my parents lived to over-80 and only just over 60, respt. No siblings. No issues with the folks before they went, thankfully for all.
The cousins are strangers, and always have been. Twenty-something, in my generation, mom and dad's siblings kids. I neither love nor hate them, they all live thousands of miles away. They are dead to me, in a neutral sort of sense, that being "ambiguous" on my part. That's just how I roll, extremely low on the "social" part of Emergenetics, Hermann Brain Dominance Profile, Myers-Briggs, etc. personality batteries. Last I heard from any was when I buried my old man some years back, and I was pleased four turned up for the service and many more sent cards and flowers. One, I don't recall ever meeting prior, odd though that may be. He seemed pretty stand-up. Shame we grew up 700 miles apart, but what can you do?
Thus, I don't care.
I have what I call "inner circle" of friends, three at-current I trust via long-term relationship. Another, female, is pretty close to inner circle though I've only known her well a few years. Point being, that's plenty close to "family" for me.
So that's one perspective, a bit unique I've found.
The drama in this thread is incredible, my condolences. I've always been a fan of, to quote another thread from C-D, "I Do Not Accept the Care and Feeding of Your Monkey!"
One thing I've observed (from having worked in a law firm for 10 years) is that NOTHING causes feuds and estrangements more in a family than an estate. I'm talking ready to jump across the table and strangle each other...over money and a deceased relative's estate. As stated in my above post, I'm seeing it right now with DH's relatives. They had absolutely NO interest in the business when it was under FIL's management and failing, and they actually predicted it would go out of business a year after he died. MIL
totally abandoned it. And like I said in my earlier post, my daughter and DH prevented my FIL from totally sinking it into the ground when he was alive (he was NO businessman). They both worked long hours, and DH received no pay for it. Now that it's starting to thrive, Sister and Brother in Law want a piece of it.
At a last (very last) visit with them, they laid a major guilt trip on my daughter about what a big sacrifice it is having MIL live with them. Her living with them was what she wanted, and it was their idea. They have the same lifestyle as MIL...religion, church every week, daily devotional and prayers, vegan diet, scheduled meals, no tv, etc. Our daughter is an atheist...and DH and I don't go to church or do any of the above. Plus we like to drink at home or the club on weekends and eat pizza or take out for dinner in front of the tv while binge watching NetFlix. Wouldn't work. She'd hate living with us.
My brothers take good care of my elderly mother. When she passes, I insist they have the house and everything. They've been good to me and my family over the years, given us nice gifts, so we want nothing. They deserve it all. DH says he loves my brothers
Last edited by Mrs. Skeffington; 02-20-2016 at 11:21 AM..
I can relate to so many posts in this thread ... its sad, but also comforting to know that I am not alone in dealing with family estrangements. I have become the black sheep of the family because I'm the one who decided not to put up with the abuse and dysfunction. I could have spent decades of my life embroiled in these toxic relationships but I decided I don't have to do that, and walked away. And now I am considered the bad one because I broke the unspoken family rule that we're all supposed to stick together no matter how crappy everyone treats each other.
Bled through to the next generation? You abused your kids also?
No
the grandchildren were ignored by their grandparents - well, 2/3 of them were.
Then my brother ignored his daughters, both of whom are frequent suicide attempters as young adults.
Now I cant talk to my (much loved) niece because she is a direct line to my brother who is Not Talking To Me at the moment
I love her and sms her but I haven't seen her, because it is too awkward for her; the Family Dynamics are just as overwhelming for her (in a different way) as they were for me.
The Family remains Dysfunctional because these things DO carry into the next generation, despite all best attempts.
My own children, ignored by their grandmother because they are My Children... my brothers girls ignored by grandma because she didn't like their mother.
I can relate to so many posts in this thread ... its sad, but also comforting to know that I am not alone in dealing with family estrangements. I have become the black sheep of the family because I'm the one who decided not to put up with the abuse and dysfunction. I could have spent decades of my life embroiled in these toxic relationships but I decided I don't have to do that, and walked away. And now I am considered the bad one because I broke the unspoken family rule that we're all supposed to stick together no matter how crappy everyone treats each other.
The first time I experienced being "shunned" by my family was about a decade before the incident with my brother. My (since deceased) sister's daughter out of wedlock who had been given up for adoption tracked down my mother and contacted her. They decided not to contact my sister because she was ill and "fragile". I was instructed not to tell her.
Eff that, I thought, it's not right so I called my sister to let her know that her daughter had tried to contact her. When my sister had her she went to a "home" to carry her to term, and she was given up for adoption. I didn't even know my sister had been pregnant until much later (it may have been when my mother and other sister called me to tell me about her, but I'm not certain of that).
My sister was grateful, and made contact with her daughter. They eventually met a couple of times before my sister died, and she also connected with her father about the same time. As a result of my "disobedience" (I was in my 30s at the time!), my family shunned me until my mother called me a couple of weeks before she died to mend fences and ask me to pray for her. I was made the black sheep of the family for doing the right thing, in other words.
Following my mother's death, my youngest sister tried to take over the "mom's" role in the family. When my brother and I would go home for the holidays after my mom passed away, young sis would give us money to go out and buy food or drink or whatever, as though she were the parent. And both he and I made many times her salary. It was all about power and control in my families, and battles over who was the head of the pack.
Well put. But I can say, from experience, that you will still miss them when they are gone. Not a reason to participate in any sort of madness, just my personal perspective
I have not missed my stern, cold, judgmental, racist and religiously fanatical mother. She has been gone for five years. I never shed a tear.
I don't care when my father goes. He's passed 90, and he is a bitter nasty old man.
There is one sister who is just like them. She is 60. I don't care to ever see her again. She and my mother were both like two witches, attempting to ruin my life, and marriage. It didn't work.
I will miss none of them when they are gone. I already don't miss my mother. So, speak for yourself.
Last edited by SoulJourn; 02-20-2016 at 02:16 PM..
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